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Original poster

Please give me advice. (sensitive subject)

490 replies

GlowWorm123 · 31/01/2017 11:02

I have recently found out I am pregnant, unplanned but DP knew we wasn't taking any contraception and happily had sex with me daily. I'd have this baby but he is desperate not too. Realistically, the best thing to do is to terminate but the circumstances we are facing aren't reasons to terminate in my opinion. I am really sorry if this offends anyone, i'm just desperate for advice and absolutely terrified.

If you've read my thread in Pregnancy Choices, you'll have read I had an awful doctors appointment and have been struggling to get advice anywhere. It still hasn't sunk in properly, I don't feel ready to be making such huge decisions that can potentially leave me with everlasting guilt.

DP has now booked me in for an abortion consultation on my behalf (I've never asked him too). He will be pretty much escorting me to my appointments, which I feel obliged to say that I want an abortion.

Is this even allowed? How can another person, make GP/Clinic appointments on behalf of another? What do I do Sad

OP posts:
averylongtimeago · 03/02/2017 08:06

So glad you are feeling stronger and the appointment went well. Going to stay with your mum sounds like an excellent idea, it's what I would want my daughter (who is about your age) to do if she was in your shoes.
Keep safe, plan your escape.

TheTantrumCometh · 03/02/2017 08:10

Wow, Jesus. Just read the full thread.

It seems to me like your mind hasn't been changed from your OP (other than seeing 'D'P for what he is) just that now you are determined to do things your way Smile

ohmygodyouguys · 03/02/2017 08:12

Your DP is a twat. You, however, rock. You're being so brave and I hope you manage to get everything sorted out with work and getting home to your mum. No advice but just wanted to tell you I think you're brilliant.

Overtiredbackagain · 03/02/2017 08:26

You are an amazing and strong woman. I have much admiration for you. If it were me, I would be doing the same. Go to your mum, get the support you deserve, kick that twat to the curb and have an amazing life with your child SmileFlowers

BastardGoDarkly · 03/02/2017 08:44

Hello op, just wanted to add my support, and tell you how amazingly well you're doing. Do tell your mum asap, she can help.

Best of luck, your soon to be ex is a 24 carat bastard x

ChocoChou · 03/02/2017 08:47

The more I read about him the more I'm worried about you OP. Please be careful and don't take your time getting everything sorted. I'm concerned that you're in your USB and he has 24/7 access to your home

HelpMeHelpDS · 03/02/2017 09:15

You will never regret this OP. Every time you look at your dear son or daughter, you will be glad that you did what you wanted and not what a thoughtless ex told you to do. I admire your resolve and courage Flowers

ChocoChou · 03/02/2017 09:34

*youre on your own

DearMrDilkington · 03/02/2017 09:36

Tell him to leave your parents house and to leave the keys with you. Have your phone in your hand with 999 and threaten to ring it unless he leaves.

Do not put up with this! Once his out of your house and you have his keys, cut contact with the nasty twat and don't look back.
Everything will be clearer once his gone.

I'm so sorry your going through this but its time to fight back.Flowers

balence49 · 03/02/2017 09:37

Great news that you have made a decision and are able to be in a position to make this a positive thing. I'd get on to work and your mum, get passport and important things together

namesstress2323 · 03/02/2017 09:39

dont choose to have a baby just because you think other people would think it's wrong to terminate. If u think terminating is best for YOU then do it. If u would like a baby without his support then keep it !

HelpMeHelpDS · 03/02/2017 09:51

Read the thread properly namestress2323
OP has said she intends to keep her baby.

ohfourfoxache · 03/02/2017 10:24

Holy fuck this guy is a cuntbadger Shock

Actually I think this is up there with one of the worst things I've read on here.

But do you know what? I think your gut was telling you long before MN did that you're in an abusive relationship. You're so sensible and your gut feelings, I think, are extremely accurate. I really hope that this has given you the confidence to trust your instincts. If nothing else, you need those instincts with a baby! Grin

I'm so glad you have a plan in place- work, mum etc. Stay strong and keep being fabulous

Deranger01 · 03/02/2017 10:53

i also think that it was clear all along the baby is wanted - call your mum, and tell her your plans in case your 'lovely' 'D' P gets wind and tries to put a stop to it. I know a few emotionally abusive men and they're all 'lovely' to extended family and strangers and loved by the world at large, it's the horrors that they do behind closed doors that matter though. I'd go when he's at work or out for the day personally, I'd book a flight, chuck things in a bag and take off for the airport.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 03/02/2017 11:43

I hope today is going ok and you've managed to call your mum.

I hope your 'd'p isn't doing anything upsetting. Don't rely on him being normal or understanding, he sounds not at all normal, and quite frankly, scary if he isn't in control of you and the situation.

What a f*ckwit saying morning sickness doesn't start until '14 weeks at least'. He reveals his ignorance with that ludicrous assertion. He just wants to sidestep any signs of the reality that you are growing a baby.

In reality, sickness tends to start in the first trimester, and in the second trimester women can often feel a lot better.

I lost a lot of weight from 10-16ish weeks, as I couldn't keep much down and had no appetite. I was absolutely dog tired in the first few weeks.

Around that time I read that the first trimester can feel so draining and sick as your body is making the placenta, (and making a whole new organ must be a rather large feat!) and until that's up and running, the fetus is relying directly on your body for everything.

All sounds like very hard work for a body to do on top of everything else it needs to do normally! My attitude changed from being really annoyed and stressed that my body was inflicting these symptoms on me, to sympathy for my poor hardworking body which was quietly working miracles and trying very hard!

Anyway, I hope you're ok BrewCake

greeeen · 03/02/2017 11:58

Just wanted to echo what everyone has been saying, well done! I hope you find happiness in South Africa with your DC and congratulations!!

Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 03/02/2017 12:06

I just fucking hate him right now. I get no space except on Fridays when he has his DC overnight at his, he's told his ex that he's unable to have them overnight this week. I thought I could begin to sort things.

So tonight I get no time alone again, I can't speak to anyone, I can't plan anything.

I feel so awful but i'm just thinking if I do terminate i'll be able to breathe again. I can plan to get out without him knowing something is going off!! It's so overbearing Sad

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 03/02/2017 12:13

Can you change the locks? You don't have to see him and you don't even need to explain why

Keep him shut out- does it genuinely matter now whether you wait to end it?

ohfourfoxache · 03/02/2017 12:14

Or can you leave work early and stay with a friend?

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2017 12:15

If you want space, you're going to have to sort it out yourself rather than relying on him to do the right thing and leave you alone for a bit. He won't.

Where else could you go? Could you check into a travelodge or other cheap hotel for a few days? Stay with a friend/relative? Ideally somewhere where he doesn't know where you are.

BitchPeas · 03/02/2017 12:41

Do you have a friend or a family member locally who you could escape too for the evening. I think you could really do with some RL support now.

He sounds absolutely awful really controlling and nasty. You are being so strong BrewFlowers

OFFFS · 03/02/2017 12:42

Just tell him you don't want to see him tonight, that you need some space.

Yes he will kick off, he's as twitchy as fuck that you won't tow the line. He's got a lot more kicking off to do before this is over.

Tell your parents. They will support you. It will make it real.

THIS ISNT ABOUT HIM!

iknowimcoming · 03/02/2017 12:44

Oh no! Can you fake a work trip or even just extra hours so you can make plans there, or take time off work but pretend you're still going in or just quit since you're going to anyway or since it's your parents house, they've booked some work to be done and you can't stay there whilst it's going on, tell him you'll have to stay at his and you'll meet him there but don't turn up? Is there someone you could stay with or get to come and stay with you? Can't you talk to women's aid in your lunch hour/after work? Call your mum? Could you literally just do a bunk after he leaves for work and tell him your mum is ill and you've had to leave Immediately but tell him only after you've gone? Wish there was something I could do 😢

OFFFS · 03/02/2017 12:48

He's scared OP. He's fucked up massively and now he wants you to get him out of the shit.

Any decent man would hold their hands up to it and support you. Ok it's not ideal, but I bet there's a few of us who are, or who have had, first borns that weren't 'ideal'.

This is where you are at and it's not going away. Even terminating the pregnancy, it doesn't ever go away completely IME.

UserUser · 03/02/2017 12:50

Nothing to add but didn't want to read and run without saying you are an inspiration OP! You sound like a wonderful mother already. It sounds like time is of the essence and his behaviour may escalate if he feels things are stalling. Hope you can get those ducks in a row asap x

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