Golden Wonder: I say Tayto , you say Tahto, when will she call the whole thing off?!

[KimmySchmidtsSmile]

Thread two

Donatello I thought I would get better odds on the pregnancy bet since its the least likely outcome

Delighted that there's a whole thread on this! Will savour later.

Just don't buy into this faux-romance. Tom Hiddleston has been such a disappointment. The vest,... There are just no words for the vest. We don't get this kind of shit from Cumberbatch! Cumberbatch doesn't do giddy frolicking with teenagers in the surf. Sort yourself out Tom, the mid-life crisis in front of the world media is doing your career no favours.

Sam Mendes & Barbara Broccoli - if you even consider giving the Bond role to this drip, I will hunt you down to give you a good telling off!

Calvin had such a lucky escape!

Houston, we have a water slide conga thing.

Yikes.

Aaarrrggghhh

He reminds me of an 8 year old in that photo. He has zero sexual charisma

Article on dm about Ryan Reynolds face which is funny

Hiddleston. You are CHUCKED!

Omg! How can they possibly consider him for Bond?! He's nowhere near attractive enough and he's just. Not. Cool.

Bond has never, and will never frolic.

He looks like he's getting his nipples tweaked there.
Bond would not frolic but he would gambol (gamble). Getting my coat (again).
As to the plan to kidnap and debrief SAS stylee you did see those photoshoot pants?! They were more granddad baggy pants than skimpy briefs or am I reimagining them? We could just give him a wedgy instead .
6 pages to go before we get to..and I never thought I'd say these words...thread three. If this is a Joaquin Phoenix style send up we have 3 more months of this!
Thread three should definitely be called "A ship called No Dignity" (kudos to that name change btw).
With SOS:SBOS ahoy! in brackets. Have a good day y'all

Don't want to throw any shade at TayTay's party but she seems to have had this slide last year as well. Do you think she gets commission from the inflatable slide company?

That slide pic has made me feel sorry for Tom I think that was his escape attempt and TayTay and her posse jumped on his back to stop him leaving

Mr Slippery: Tom looks in the grip of fear as he careered down the enormous inflatable moistened chute

. . Yes, that is actually the caption on the slidey pic. It is genius.

I'm properly at Ryan going deadpool on everyone in that photo.

It's just so, so massively cringetastic. Like everyone else in the photo is like, "yeah, it's me and my dp" and there they are like a pair of horney teenagers who've just been told Juliet is going to a different 6th form college.

Fuck. Like like like. I'm a bloody teen myself.

Mr Slippery: Tom looks in the grip of fear as he careered down the enormous inflatable moistened chute

Oh my - I take back all my criticism of DM writing, they've brought in an ironic comedy genius!

Please can 'Moistened chute' be included in the new thread title too..!?

Juliet is going to a different 6th form college.
The only problem is that ToTo looks like the dodgy teacher who is possibly facing an internal investigation about his 'inappropriate' friendship with student TayTay.

There's no way Tay-Tay's team has missed the Ryan face and awkward arms in the Tay-To smooch Polaroid photo, so why are they showing this? The mockumentary has been done and it wasn't a resounding success.
I'm starting to think they will abruptly end the shenanigans without ever commenting beyond a smirk and winky in jokes.

So the ed Sheeran snog photo

Is that toto standing behind them looking like taytays dad?

Taken from the DM:

(It's not the first time they've worn matchy matchy footwear; she now owns a pair of his signature shoe - grey suede lace ups.)

With his hair wet and looking slightly ginger he keeps reminding me of Hugo Rifkind. Which isn't a bad thing, but he isn't exactly A-list in terms of looks. Reading the DM makes me so bitchy!

Is that toto standing behind them looking like taytays dad?

I like to think it is ToTo but it's not clear. Maybe he is lurking nervously in the background to tell Tay-Tay he had successfully completed his piggy-back training. Ryan was his training buddy, hence the face.

Thank god he's not wearing the billowing white boxer shorts as he goes down that chute. Then we'd all get an eyeful of his wedding tackle, including TayTay, who we all know still hasn't seen his nether regions.

I like Kimmy and UnGoogleable suggestions for the name of Thread 3. At this rate we're going to be there pretty soon.

Pleased to see you're well placed for some ToTo spotting in Oz, Lady Cassandra. Hopefully you have a secret camera ready to upload your pics. Fingers crossed he comes to collect his hot chocolate dressed as Loki. Quite frankly that wouldn't make him look anymore of a tit than he does at the moment !

Oh My Fucking God.

I stay off the internet for a couple of days, slightly bored of all things Tayto, because nothing was happening whatsoever - and I return to THIS!!! A Taylor Swift vest wearing ToTo and a moistened chute conga, amongst other insane happenings.

I can't stop laughing.

This is best frolicking fauxmance ever.

The internet seems to be full of vaguely serious articles saying he has now been ruled out as Bond due to this flattery, and thank God as it means Fassbender and his massive cock can be Bond instead.
Can we include FauxTayTo as another possible name for these two now that BoTayTo has been ruled out?

Twattery not flattery, nothing flattering about this debacle...

Fassbender has a massive cock? Link please even if it's not safe for work, I can disable my safe search option

This whole stunt is utterly BRILLIANT. TayTay and her publicity team should be very very very proud of themselves. ToTo, however, will shortly be crawling under the duvet and crying himself to sleep.

And please please please please please please please please please please please please can the new thread title include the words Moistened Chute?
I LOVE that DM caption writer. He/she is a genius.

I can't disable my safe search youtube has a few ahem, informative videos though...