Golden Wonder: I say Tayto , you say Tahto, when will she call the whole thing off?!

[KimmySchmidtsSmile]

Thread two

This is so sad but I'm out and about without a connection good enough to watch that video.

I can't wait to watch it when I get back - I'm cringing just imagining it!

Poor ToTo

GuineaPigs : count me in for the rescue campaign.

It's going to be tough. He's basically been brainwashed. All the people nearest to him who should be pulling him out are most likely responsible. His agent, publicist, stylist (obviously just a part-time job, quilted jackets and the grays) and other hangers-on. You can just hear the advice:

Lulu : "No ToTo, that vest was like totally a smash. Victoria Beckham is already knocking up something similar for London Fashion Week."

We're going to need to work fast and in top secret mode. I suggest we hire a minibus and pick up Mum ToTo from Suffolk. She will have recruited a dozen of the finest from the Ipswich WI. Barbara Trussleforth is a crack shot from her days on the firing range back in Cape Town. Marjorie Tweedy-Smythe is a black belt in Karate and can take out a security guard from 100 ft with one of her Victoria sponges.

Once we've clambered up the rocks in our bikinis and balaclavas it's a straightforward SAS smash and grab. ToTo can be debriefed (!) at my house. He may be crazy, possibly interested in men so not me, and have minging taste in clothes, but I'm happy to gaze at him until he's recovered.

There'll be a list on the village hall noticeboard for any who wish to join the rescue campaign.

Just thinking I might be overinVESTed in this thread !

nicenewdusters I'm in Norwich. If we can sneak Mama ToTo and the Ipswich WI to Norwich Airport, there will be no paps and it's close by!
Maybe get some Brit thesps involved. Ken Branagh maybe with a job offer in a nice Shakespeare play? Modern take on Corealanus maybe, as he's already done it so not much line learning? Richard Curtis must be in need of a new Hugh Grant? Maybe Steven Moffatt will offer him a job on Doctor Who. He can do his Loki impression and everything! And he can cavort in the sea to his little hearts content well, it's still the Atlantic. But at least his pasty body wont look so out of place in Cardiff Bay

I will join in the rescue, will we have time to pick up some interior design tips from the Rhode Island mansion?

I think there might be wing at The Priory for serious British Actors who've had their heads turned by flighty American pop stars.

Don't worry we could take a few sneaky pics while we abseil from the ceiling

As we're in bikinis we can sideboob all the way.

I will use my ample side boob to hold the camera.

I'm in for the rescue mission, this traVESTy must come to an end. I have a mum-bus and access to Fancy Cameras to go full clicky scary lens Pap. I will need to drug bribe my husband for the cameras as he will go full Gollum over his preciousness.

I don't think Lulu would have allowed the vest. Or anything they have been doing so far come to that.
Toto needs Lulu back in his life. Its all going so wrong.

I have a new theory... Toto & Lulu have split up, Lulu assured him it wouldn't affect their working relationship but is now getting his revenge by encouraging all this.

I can't see Lulu approving of that vest debacle. Surely nobody with any notion of ToTo's image would possibly think that was a good move.

Not just the vest.. the hanging around looking desperate amongst a bunch of much younger, cooler people.... I'm STILL cringing.

I agree that the lack of any eye contact whatsoever, together with ToTo jogging past TayTay up the rocks rather than stopping to help her does not scream 'loving relationship' in any way...

Has ToTo been seen since the beach frollicking fun? Maybe Ryan smuggled him out and is staging an intervention. Blake will be freaking out as she will be at risk of the Signature move of the Squad - The Shun.

Ooh the rescue plan's shaping up nicely ! That's fate that you're near the airport in Norwich, Guineapigs. Do you think TayForce 1 is parked up there ? We can over power the Captain with our ample side boobs and force him to fly to TayTay Towers.

Absolutely we'll make time for stealing interior design ideas. I'm going to blog them on Pinterest and show how us li'l old Brits can achieve TayTay's style. I'm thinking a vase from the closing down sale at BHS cleverly transformed with some Kath Kidston stickers and paint.

FrayedHem : I will be trying to use the phrase "go full Gollum" as much as possible from now on. It certainly applies to my son and his XBox.

The video! What the fuck are they thinking?

It looks exactly like my year nines - hanging round in a pack, slightly unsure of themselves, safety in numbers, looking to see what the cool girl is going to do, terrified to stand out.

So weird.

See, I don't think in that video that he looks particularly like he's the lame one with the cool squad - the whole squad looks lame although ToTo is definitely the lamest

See, I don't think in that video that he looks particularly like he's the lame one with the cool squad - the whole squad looks lame although ToTo is definitely the lamest

Downright - it was worth the wait, wasn't it ?! I've just been having a look at the SBoS and even seeing the stills again of him in the vest, it's just as shocking !!

I think you're right about everyone looking to see what the cool girl is doing.

3 mentions of TayTo on the SBoS today. Apparently Phil and Holly have been doing a daily update on This Morning on the "showmance". I wonder where they got that idea from ?!!! I know they've used stuff from MN in the past as the subject of phone-ins etc.

Look, you can give him nicknames, slag off The Vest, laugh at his PiggyBad.
But DO NOT suggest that ToTo left her to scramble up the rocks all alone.

He is the most chivalrous gentleman in the chivalric history of gemtlemen. No one can deny this fact. And if you were a true scholar of the Way of the TayTo, you would see from your 9th viewing of the video that at 1m37, To's hand extends and finds its true destiny with Taylor.

Or maybe she just screeched at him that he was playing his part all wrong.

She is like that, isn't she? She has a very strict schedule with lots of Fun! And Photos! (must be vetted by TeamTay prior to release). It must be the least relaxing weekend ever with her.

You don't take a loved one there unless there's a dog you can look at rather than get divorced.

Discharge - you belong on this thread.

I'd love to have heard you telling your OH about ToTo's vest, Electronic. It was bad enough just looking at it, let alone trying to describe it to somebody else.

Hello ElectronicDischarge I'm sure your local knowledge will be invaluable to freeing ToTo.

Lame offerings on Twitter speculations of the T.S vest. Not up to usually funny standard but then there isn't a lot of scope with only 2 letters to play with. Mine are
The Shakespeare
Total Sycophants
This Shit
Twenty Sovereign
Trade Shows

The scrabble up the rocks reminded me of when I was a bridesmaid. The bride got married in a beautiful castle but it required going up cobbled wonky stone stairs. Fortunately she is not a Sleb so there are no photos of my arse hanging out as I had to hitch my dress right up and pretty much crawl.

Scientific evidence proves you correct Zebra. I think he ran ahead just so that he could be there to offer a helping hand. Alternatively, he knew his vest looked shit, and wet it looked even shitter (is that a word?)

I've been carefully studying the photos of TayTay Towers. We'll need these after we gain entry to know where to go. I'm thinking we can make use of the ridiculously over sized inflatable. When we have ToTo, we'll jump on one by one to fly over the wall, where Frayed will be waiting with her mum-bus, engine running.