Is it rude to give back a present you don't like?

[ThePartyArtist]

Just interested in people's opinions on whether this is rude or not...
My inlaws are of the opinion that if someone gives you a present you don't like, you tell them. I think this may be confined to food presents rather than other stuff. For example, my sister in law was given sweets by her aunt, and told her she didn't like them and gave them back to the aunt. Also one Christmas I spent ages making homemade truffles and wrapping them up in a little Pinterest-inspired package, for all the family to share, and they gave them back to me.

I think any present you're given, you say thank you, and if you really hate it you give it to the charity shop or in the case of ill fitting clothes maybe ask if a receipt is available, if you know the giver suitably well. I think giving back food you don't particularly like is quite rude and unnecessary. What do others think - honesty the best policy, or politeness over everything else?

Politeness when it comes to gifts, every time. They sound unbelievable.

Politeness over everything

Anything else when someone's made you chocolates is saying 'my opinion is more important than the fact you made this gift for me'.

Politeness. When someone has gone to the trouble of getting you a gift giving it back is unspeakably rude.

A former friend of mine gave back half the baby gift I gave her after her first child was born, which I found not only incredibly rude but really fucking annoying too as I couldn't return only half of it to the shop. Strangely I didn't bother after that.

I personally would never openly express a dislike for a gift to the giver. I tend to regift to people I think may like it or if all else fails (and it is seriously crappy) then give it to a charity shop or as a raffle/tombola prize. I have a present drawer with various bits in, the unwanted presents go in there with a label on to avoid returning it to the original giver.
I gave a friend a book and years later she gave it back as part of my hen party gifts

I think it's rude. But if somebody keeps giving you the same present it's probably kinder to try and politely explain that you don't like that kind of food or whatever it is, because it's awkward that they have put their money and/or time and energy into giving it to you, if you're not going to enjoy it.

In the first instance, say thank you and discreetly pass it on to somebody else. Maybe the second, too. But definitely by the third, you should be dropping hints that you don't really like nuts (or whatever) and you always give them to your next door neighbour, or say outright "It's very kind of you, and I'll take them for my neighbour/son/husband, but I don't actually like nuts very much."

I had an aunt who would give gifts back to my mum and ask her to change them because she didnt like the colour, no longer used a previously favourite perfume/handcream/whatever. Mum was always incredibly hurt, so we were taught to say thank you with a smile no matter how awful.

Yes, it would be very rude in my opinion.

Gits should be accepted with grace, and if not to your taste surreptitiously re-gifted.

Very rude - DH's family his brother have been known to say 'What did you get me this for?' and then sulk. Highest degree of bad manners.

PS: anytime you have leftover handmade prettily wrapped truffles, please feel free to PM me for my address!

Ha! It's not just me then!
I think my sister in law's logic with telling the aunt about the sweets is it would stop her doing it again. Apparently the aunt said 'I'm glad you told me' so maybe in their world this is normal!
The truffles situation was definitely rude I think!
They've never expressed this about any other type of gift so maybe it's confined to food. I wouldn't be that surprised as they are all quite fussy eaters to the point of what I find rude.

I think it's too pointed to return in the spot (I'd quietly regift, in ways I hope they never detect).

But...

... I think you do need to find a way, totally separate from the actual time of giving, to let them know if there are foodstuffs (or other things) you cannot tolerate or just plain loathe. Because otherwise you might find yourself in the ridiculous situation where they give you something you hate year after year (because they think you like it).

They've decided I love a certain kind of chocolate, which I don't exactly love as much as they seem to think, however I am perfectly happy with it. I'm not fussy when it comes to food so happy with any gifts!

My dear old nan, bless her, received a box of Black Magic chocolates from one of her friends every year for Christmas. She hated dark chocolate but would never have told the giver that as it would have embarrassed them. So my parents got given a second hand box of chocolate every year on Boxing Day!

Rude. Don't give them foodstuffs now unless you know it's something they like.

Very rude. Even worse is to give the present back and ask for something else, which someone has done to me. They said they didn't want the bother of exchanging it themselves.

I can't fathom that anyone would think it polite to hand back a gift and say "no thanks"

It would be the last gift they ever got from me.

OP when they give you the chocs this year just hand them back with a cheery 'I've gone right of these'

Yes, it's rude and entitled. It's polite to always accept gifts with grace and gratitude. You're not a shop supplying products that can be returned!

We do this within our family. I'm not upset if my DM tells me she doesn't like the hand cream/teapot/fancy biscuits I've bought her. I give her presents because I want her to get something out of it, not simply as a social lubricant so knowing what pleases her is important. I already know without a doubt that she loves and appreciates me so I wouldn't find the rejection personal. Would never do it with something handmade though, and only to immediate family, not to in-laws.

The only times I've sort of done this is when my dm has bought something for the kids they already have or that they refuse to put on/don't fit. Even then I wouldn't dream of just giving it back, she usually sends a gift receipt and I'd go and change them.

To receive a present graciously, always open it when the giver is with you. Always show enthusiasm and try and engage with the giver beyond a simple thank you. If appropriate, ask them pertinent questions about the present, or muse on when you will use it. Disappointment, distaste or just indifference must be hidden at all costs. For all but the most casually given gifts, a written thank you is appropriate
www.debretts.com/british-etiquette/british-behaviour/p-q/presents#sthash.BgMpgWGj.dpuf

Maybe buy them all a copy of Debs for Christmas this year

I'd be getting them personalised stuff from now on, and if they tried to give a gift back I'd refuse to take it "Oh, no, I can't possibly take it. It is your gift and I don't want it any more than you do".

How could that kind of rudeness ever be OK?

Maybe some of those bumcrack chocolates I saw on FB and couldn't believe - you take an impression of bumcrack and they make a mould and chocolates.....don't ask me how I have no idea and was in shck for a couple of hrs after

oh you don't believe me

www.firebox.com/product/6969/Edible-Anus

When I was in my 20s and thought everything London was the bees knees, I bought my family foodie presents from Carluccios.

My Grandmother ADORED the whole concept, made a big show of telling all the many many people who popped into her house (mostly retired famers) that she didn't have any mince pies this year but they MUST have some of the fancy panettone that her GDd had brought from London ! She also used the carrier bags I carried it all up in for just about everything for the next year, much to everyone's amusement god I miss her

My aunt sent me a formal little thank you saying how the chocolates were very sweet and sickly so they hadn't eaten many of thanks. Gee thanks.
I bet my gran got her hands on them and enjoyed every last morsel with a strong brandy though

Your ILs are being v. rude OP