Is it rude to give back a present you don't like?

[ThePartyArtist]

Just interested in people's opinions on whether this is rude or not...
My inlaws are of the opinion that if someone gives you a present you don't like, you tell them. I think this may be confined to food presents rather than other stuff. For example, my sister in law was given sweets by her aunt, and told her she didn't like them and gave them back to the aunt. Also one Christmas I spent ages making homemade truffles and wrapping them up in a little Pinterest-inspired package, for all the family to share, and they gave them back to me.

I think any present you're given, you say thank you, and if you really hate it you give it to the charity shop or in the case of ill fitting clothes maybe ask if a receipt is available, if you know the giver suitably well. I think giving back food you don't particularly like is quite rude and unnecessary. What do others think - honesty the best policy, or politeness over everything else?

I think giving back something that you've made is pretty rude, and generally I would be polite and just say thank you...

...however, I have to say I have told DH, when after years of buying me pretty thoughtful gifts he suddenly started to have some sort of aberration and went through a spell of giving me some absolutely ghastly crap (I'm not being a bitch, i honestly don't know what he was thinking!) and when he started to get into a bit of a recurring theme with it I did actually tell him. I felt a bit mean but it could have gone on for years...

Over 30 years of being with my OH and I think have FINALLY trained him not to say 'O she (me) doesn't like crystallised ginger/cheap hand team/liqueurs/jigsaws' or whatever it is I've just been given as a present. I was always taught to smile and be polite but his family otoh were from 'oop north' and believed in saying what they thought!

Id shove it right up their ungrateful arses

Fantastically rude. Giving back a present is a friendship terminator for me (excluding circs like the caviar given to the vegan, and the booze to the teetotaller).
You can also express a preference quietly at some later stage if really necessary.

Me and my step Mum haven't spoken since my son was born 5 years ago. And that first Christmas I held out an olive branch by buying her a gift (she brought me up for 17yrs) that I knew she would love. Her response without even opening it was "You needn't have bothered, I don't need or want anything from you!" My son was literally 12 days old so my hormones were everywhere. That was the realisation that she had turned her back on me. Ungrateful bitch.

She wouldn't even take the present let alone hand it back!x

How very strange and hurtful Ralphie. Am so sorry to hear this

Don't be sorry, i'm not! Lol... just thought i'd throw my experience out there. X

Ralphie
What a horrid situation.
Very rude! It doesn't even work, unfortunately. Every five years I get a subscription to a woman's magazine from dmil. The first time I said thankyou very much and even chatted to her about the articles. When she asked me in August whether I'd like another subscription, I said I'd really enjoyed it but hat I'm not really a magaziney person. I'm obviously going to grow into them though, because every 5 years I get an age appropriate subscription. It's that year again, DD has been trying to find out whether there's one I'd like. At least in another 5 years it might be Saga magazine which is rather good!

The only time I would tell a giver I didn't like or wasn't thrilled with a food gift would be if it contained something any of my family are allergic too.

OH has a nut allergy so we can sometimes come across as rude and ungrateful when we explain we want to leave it with them. Often have to educate them that no, we can't eat the xmas cake because of the marzipan and no, peeling that bit off wont make any difference.

My PILs do this and everyone else in the family thinks it's the height of rudeness (including me). They have also been known to express disappointment at not then being bought alternative gifts to replace the ones they don't like. The irony is that MIL buys the most awful tat as gifts for everyone else, and nobody ever mentions it, but merely quietly charity shops it at the first available opportunity. If I didn't think it was so rude I would suggest that we all let her know what we thinks of her presents and see how they like it......

One of the many reasons I'm glad I don't spend Christmas with my parents is my dad's catsbum face at anything he hasn't asked for. I would have found a home for your chocolates even if I didn't like them, and smiled graciously at the time.

Also one Christmas I spent ages making homemade truffles and wrapping them up in a little Pinterest-inspired package, for all the family to share, and they gave them back to me

ah OP! giver them to me I love homemade sweets

The only person who I would tell if they got me something I really didn't like would be my husband and he would do the same with me. Only because pretending otherwise would likely get you the same present again or something similar.

I might possibly tell my grown up children too, but no one else, ever. It would be rude.

I would be very gentle about letting them know that it wasn't quite my thing. I would also never give it back, but might hope I could swop it for something else.

There isn't much I won't eat, so food would never be rejected.

Some of my ILs do this too. I shocked MIL one year when she asked why I didn't return the gift another IL gave me by blurting out 'I was brought up to be grateful for gifts, even if they're mad because someone has gone to some effort'. Thankfully she thought about it rather than got insulted but now asks loads if the gifts she's got me are really ok (and they always are, she's not a nutty gift giver!).

I'm sure there's a fine line between honesty and politeness that can be tread but I've not found anyone who has managed to do it yet.

You know what my DM did once? My aunts (who lived in another state) sent me a top for Christmas. It didn't fit me and I didn't particularly like it, but I phoned and thanked them for it. I left it with my mother and said if she didn't want to wear it she could give it away.

She boxed it up and spent money posting it back to my aunts and told them I didn't want it! She thought they might be able to return it for a refund. When I asked if she didn't think they might be offended, she said, yes, they probably were. But she still couldn't see what she had done wrong. (Pounds head against wall).

I once bought my dad a canvas, over the shoulder man bag from m&s (was khaki with brown leather strap - quite manly ) for Father's Day. I figured it would be nice for his hols etc.

When he opened it he looked and me and said 'what's this??? I'm not bloody wearing a handbag'!! Haha.

Irony is, he loves his man bag now!!

And to answer OP, politeness over honesty every time.

I wouldn't even tell DH if I didn't like a gift - am more concerned about showing the giver gratitude than my own gains!

Also, while I'm on, we used to have a kitty and do birthday presents in our office. This thread reminds me of the time we all stood round a colleague's desk while she opened her card and gift (a scarf and earrings from Warehouse that were definitely in keeping with her style). She held up the earrings with a look of disdained and said 'I really don't like these'.

Cue awful tumbleweed blowing across the office. Lol.

Urgh excuse all the typos above - was typing quickly on my phone...

They're probably thinking about them not going to waste... Don't take it personally

I always just say 'thank you very much' whether I hate it or not. It's the thought that counts!