Is it rude to give back a present you don't like?

[ThePartyArtist]

Just interested in people's opinions on whether this is rude or not...
My inlaws are of the opinion that if someone gives you a present you don't like, you tell them. I think this may be confined to food presents rather than other stuff. For example, my sister in law was given sweets by her aunt, and told her she didn't like them and gave them back to the aunt. Also one Christmas I spent ages making homemade truffles and wrapping them up in a little Pinterest-inspired package, for all the family to share, and they gave them back to me.

I think any present you're given, you say thank you, and if you really hate it you give it to the charity shop or in the case of ill fitting clothes maybe ask if a receipt is available, if you know the giver suitably well. I think giving back food you don't particularly like is quite rude and unnecessary. What do others think - honesty the best policy, or politeness over everything else?

Oh god. It is so rude. But I must confess to some atrocious behaviour myself. I was 8 months pregnant, suffering with spd and hadn't had a full nights sleep in months. It was mine and dh's first Christmas and I was so excited. I'd gone to the trouble of getting him stuff he adored and looked forward to Christmas morning. He woke me with a tiny beautifully wrapped box. I opened it excitedly and was disappointed to find a small bottle of white musk. I liked it but had never asked him to buy it. I used to wear it to work and treated it like a toiletry I'd buy myself. Definitely not a luxury to me. As disappointed as I was I consoled myself that it was just one gift and who doesn't get gifts wrong occasionally? Except it was my only gift from him. A £9 bottle of cheap perfume. Great. It gets worse. His mum, my mum and his sister all bought me white musk gift sets. It felt like a conspiracy. My brother and his then gf come to visit on Christmas Day night with yep you guessed it a white musk gift set. It was too much and I lost my temper. it wasn't directed at anyone in particular but I acted like an utterly spoiled twat. My db gf forgave me and we still laugh about it 12?years later. It was only when she became pg and also developed spd she realised that the small things can sometimes get to you and you blow things out of proportion and act like an over grown toddler.

Just say thank

Just say thankyou

yes, rude.

but I have family members who give gifts with strings attached. think expensive kitchen gadget given with a note '50£ of this is your gift, please give me the other 250£ next month' errr. no.

bloody hell MediumBox!

I think immediate family can sometimes get away with this. My sister is an absolute genius at the 'THANK YOU SO MUCH I'M SO GRATEFUL YOU'RE WONDERFUL TO GET ME THIS but I don't like it, would you like it or are you able to return it if I give it back to you?' I've never felt even vaguely insulted. I stopped getting her anything but one thing I know she likes and that she can easily throw in the bin, some time ago and all is well. It perhaps helps that nobody in our immediately family would dream of getting anybody anything nonconsumable without the receipt attached, so you know you can always get the cash. When we do exchange gifts (which we do less and less often) we also do very specific present lists.

This is all anathema to DH's family so I impersonate someone else in their present-giving customs. But the default must always be lots of gratitude, and the OP is an example of very rude behaviour.

I think it is okay to give food presents back as long as you say a very happy thank you and how you truly truly appreciated the thought but please don't go to all that bother again because ... and then explain why.

Because 1. If you don't give it back you will be throwing it away which is wasteful. 2. If you pretend to like it they might make it again and you'll keep on having to lie and throw away food and waste it. 3. It is a shame if someone went to all that trouble to make something lovely and maybe they will like it themselves or can give it to someone else who will like it. 4. They took the trouble to make it and being truly grateful for the effort doesn't mean you have to eat it or throw it away.

This only works with people you care about a lot and expect to have in your life on a long term basis. If you don't care about them then you can lie to them and waste their effort by binning it because you don't care they spent the time on it. Also if you aren't going to be in a relationship with them for long there isn't much danger of them making the food gift again as by then you will have detached from them.

If they really truly care about you and what makes you happy then they will appreciate the honesty and appreciate that you know your relationship is based on deeper things than stuff and telling lies just to be fakely polite.

One thing I hate people saying is, don't go to all that bother again. Now that's rude!

In the case of food you don't/can't eat, I think it's best still to accept gratefully. I'd be a bit upset if someone handed their carefully chosen/made gift straight back to me. However I'd have no problem if they were to mention shortly before the next birthday/Christmas that they can't/don't eat X.

Very rude to return a gift in that way. They should have just said "Thank you" and handed them out to visitors.

OTOH, althouh your truffles were undoubtedly delicious, they maybe weren't a thoughtful gift for someone who is fussy about food.

RB68 - Chocolate Starfish ! I have to think of someone to send those to...

When I first spent Cmas with my DIL's family (who are lovely) I sat there open-mouthed as they all opened present after present, saying that they didn't like the colour or asking if the giver had got the receipt. Our family have always been the 'smile and say thank you even if you hate it - it's polite' type, and I found it just appalling... However, I have since discovered that, because they have a large family, and their Mum was widowed at an early age, they all used to only get one present at Cmas - so it made sense to ensure that it was something that you liked..! Unfortunately, now that they are adults and all in good jobs, although they're very generous with presents, this attitude still persists - and I still find myself shrivelling inside when I listen to their comments (of course, they're all fine with it, so no-one is hurt). I tell myself that it takes all sorts...

I'm on the fence on this. My DGM gives a massive tub of Roses every year. I don't like them, though do like Celebrations, Quality Street and smaller boxes of nicer chocolates. My DGM actually instructs my Dad to buy them, so I've tried to intervene and redirect him to something nicer, but he says my DGM insists on Roses. If it's the same every year, I wish there was a way to change it.

I'm quite hard to buy for. My MIL buys me posh scarves, not warm useful ones. She has never seen me wear one, so I don't know why she persists. My PIL also buy us things that I really consider to be clutter. I'm never sure how long I should keep it before sending to the charity shop.

Every year my dd 1 and I laugh at the birthday present/ Christmas present I receive from a good friend. 9 times out of 10 it will be something I REALLY don't like.
How can she know me so long and not know what I like ?
But I say thank you so much.
And give it to charity.

Rude. I was given a box of Ferro Rocher for Christmas do i said nothing and simply regifted them to someone who would eat them.

They were given in good faith, so I would never let the giver know I dislike them and would always smile and act grateful.

It is the height of bad manners!!

I cant see in ANY cases where you would return hand made 🍫.... Only acceptable if the receiver would have anaphylaxis at the contents.... It just seems to fit in wirh the ' i tell it like it is....'.,,, despite hurting the giver' s feelings!

It is more difficult with gifts you know if they aren't 'headed off at the pass' , are going to be an annual event. ....

I once had a dennis the menace mug.... Which was mildly amusing. I used to wear a lot of black and red in the 1990s....10 years later..... you would be amazed how many items have dennis tje menace logos.... I had 'joked' at year 2, i was a more jewellery and smellies girl... No every year i would have increasingly expensive Beano themed gifts...

This year dfriend gave me something I like.
Faints.
Even DD was amazed that it was nice.
I'll keep it.

It was a real eye opener when my SIL joined our family because she wanted to return most gifts that were given her and would always remind us that we could do the same with her presents. Now she specifically requests a particular present and I just buy it for her. I can't understand it all! She is lovely in other ways though.

In general I would say politeness over everything else. But that seriously backfired on me with my own mum who kept buying me the most awful cardigans from BHS in the 80s - just when I was a SAHM with two kids and no money. 3-YEARS-IN-A-ROW!!!!! They were made of a synthetic carpet-like fabric in the weirdest (and completely unfashionable) colours too!

If I had said something the first time, I may now have something really nice to remember my mum by - like a necklace or a fun activity memory. So although her feelings were protected at the time, I'm still a bit completely resentful about those presents. Especially as my sister had great pressies for lots of birthdays around the same age that she still enjoys

The only polite thing to say after being given a gift is 'how lovely, thank you.' Anything else is bad manners.

Having said that, each year I receive a massive box of gummy bears which I loath but have to pretend I love because I did once in my 20s (nearly 50 now).

I don't know. The examples you've given sound like rudeness, but I think there are examples where it's better to be honest. My grandad always used to buy me those big tubs of shortbread, and give them time every time i visited. I don't like shortbread, never have, and palmed them off to other people. There must have been hundreds of tubs, honestly.

I never said anything (and definitely wouldn't have after years of receiving them!) but I do wonder if it would have been better if I'd said the first time 'actually Grandad these ones aren't my favourite, I prefer XXX'.

He, as most of us do, got great pleasure from giving, but i wish he could have given something that would actually be appreciated by the recipient sorry if that sounds mean.

I would say that etiquette and courtesy is what makes a present more likable and appreciated, this applies on both sides, the one giving and the one receiving. I wouldn't give back i would rather do as you proposed to give it to a charity home.
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I think to give a gift back in front of others is very rude unacceptable and cruel. One year 3 people returned gifts to me in front of other people. The sad thing is I knew they would use it. I know why they, had nothing for me.
People forget sometimes it is all about giving. Since them I cringed in fear when giving. I sometimes get so freaked out I don't give gifts. Rejection is a bitch.

Giving it back is ridiculous but I do think , within a family, you should be able to say you don't like a gift.