Eating Disorder Recovery

[OhIFellOff]

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

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Purple how are you?x

margo it seems as if you are having somw good days with the eating or rather not over eating. It's hard isn't it. I get what you mean about the plus size being called 'cover up'. It could reinforce our negative thoughts about ourselves.

fighting im good thanks. Feeling more positive. Glad to hear you are enjoying your holiday. Sounds similar to mine with the cover/don't cover thoughts!

I have ordered the book sleep mentioned. I will let you know what it is like.

Missed a bit out. Good to see you are removing yourself from situations when you need to fighting. Half the battle is being kind to ourselves and putting our needs first.

Thanks for the reassurance fighting. Glad you are able to enjoy yourself and allow you to have the holiday experience you deserve.

Well done for removing yourself from a situ which could normally lead to overeating. Not sure about you, but I always hoped I'd magically just stop o/e. But lots of the self-help books I have read basically say you need to stop yourself. So being able to do that is a real achievement - so well done. As Purple says putting yourself first is really important.

Re clothes: I am lucky in that I can afford to buy some new clothes (I appreciate not everyone can), so some new clothes that fit will help me feel better. Plus I also have things like comfort shorts which will help me wear dresses comfortably.

I understand the leaving off the leggings issue!

I like Yours clothing. I have some lovely flattering maxi dresses from there last year.

I was lucky enough to be bought a 'Personal style' consultation a few years ago and the woman talked about how floaty fabrics suit me and Yours do quite a few.

I also like New Look plus size stuff, much more online than in stores. I just order loads on a credit card (as suggested by the Style & Beauty thread) and then pick one or two items from it. And I feel I am trying to be a bit fashionable if shopping there!

Purple - heard anything since your interview?

Hi margo nothing from the interview yet. I will find out on the 31st. We all have a meeting that week where we will find out. It's rubbish having to wait!

I didn't realise new look had a plus size range. I have never seen comfort shorts either. Where do you get yours from?

Yeah I'd like some too. I used to use short leggings but they were hard to hide .

purple I will keep my fingers crossed that you get the outcome you want with the interview.x

Gosh, waiting until the 31st is a pain purple. Fingers crossed.

Yes, New Look has had 'Inspire' for a while, but the stuff online is much wider (in both senses ) than in the shops. And it is more 'fashiony' than maybe Yours or Evans, depends what you want. Goes up to 32.

My comfort shorts are from Evans. I have 2 pairs of the the skin coloured ones. As spanx have become popular, to the uninitiated you might just think they are those should your skirt blow up or you realise you can see through your dress etc.

I got the middle size (am a 20-22 in clothes) and haven't had any issues with them. They come to half way between you bottom and knee, so most knee length dresses are fine and like you said fighting it feels nice to be not sweating loads because of covering up (and wearing tights etc).

Thanks guys. The outcome I want from the interview is that I have been successful but they are going to let me move departments!

Definitely getting some comfort shorts. I have a couple of dresses that I won't be able to wear unless I do something about the rubbing!

How's everyone's weekend so far? Im working so not good.

I have just started reading the book sleep recommended. So far have only read the preface but already so many things seem to relate. I will let you know how I get on with the rest of book.

That was a quick delivery purple. I'm looking forward to seeing how you get on with it. I need to recap on the other book (overcoming binge eating).

The holiday has got to stress point. DH and I have had a few fallings out. healthy eating is out the window but binges can't really happen here thankfully. I'm looking forward to getting home, eating properly and being in my own space. I really need to lose a lot of weight as I'm struggling with my feet . I spoke to DH and he will join me, although he doesn't want to exercise yet. It's so hard to keep on track when the person you live with eats badly too. We are both really overweight and I want to change that for health reasons. Unfortunately he doesn't think he will ever develop any health problems because he's positive . I think this weeks arguments need a whole other thread! Does anyone else think sometimes it would be easier to recover on their own?x

ps.I hope you are all coping ok with the heat.x

I think in some ways it is easier to recover on your own. For me it is difficult as I wanted to be able to do normal things like going out for a meal which was hard when restricting. I didn't have that problem when I was single although I definitely binged more when I was single!

Hope you manage to sort things out and enjoy the rest of your holiday. And it's good that the binges aren't happening. What exercising are you doing? It's hard when your feet hurt though to do much. I can't exercise much at the moment as I have back pain - from the weight. I know once I get some off it won't hurt and I can do more. I am going swimming on my next day off (Tuesday). I am dreading it in case I bump into someone I know and I will feel exposed but I am going to give it a go. If I find it too upsetting I will wait again until I feel better but I am determined to try it. The pool is less than 2 miles away so once the back pain goes I can walk there and back too! Do you swim fighting ?

Yeah I do. When I get home I want to get back into the training but at a slower, more sensible pace. Swimming will be a must now for cardio as my feet are screwed and my knee is not great. As you say, when the weight comes off it will be easier.

I find if I'm on my own, when DH is away I eat much better. He over eats and mostly on an evening, which is my worst time. I can't blame him but it does make life harder. relationship wise, we had a rough patch earlier in the year and until this week it was all fine . I hope it's temporary because we're here because I can't go back to how it was before. I plan on throwing myself into my new business venture as soon as I get home though, so something to look forward to and keep me busy.x

You are definitely sounding positive. X

I'm excited about starting my own business. No one to answer to but myself .x

I would love that! Tell me more about your business. (If you don't mind that is)

Hello

Sorry to hear of the stress on hols fighting. I do think, as great as they are, holidays do have a shelf life. I cannot really do a 2 week beach holiday, it is too much.

Hopefully things will get back to normal with DH when you get back. Does he have BED too do you think?

My DH is underweight and finds it difficult to put weight on. We must look like Jack Spratt and his wife! So whilst he tries to be supportive he just doesn't understand.

I swim in a club although I haven't been very regularly recently. A mix of illnesses and my swimming buddy not being able to go.

To my horror I realised they take out the steps during the session and there was no way I was going to be able to hoist myself out without them at the end. What makes it worse is that a triathlete club trains after, so they see the steps being put in for me .

It took a lot to go to the first session at the start of the year. Planning to go tomorrow as I do feel better. It doesn't really matter what others think, at least we are there at the pool trying to make things better....easier typed than believed!

I wear one of these costumes with legs which makes me feel more comfortable. www.sportsdirect.com/slazenger-boyleg-swimsuit-ladies-354154?colcode=35415422 I wear an 18, even though I am a 20/22. c£9.50.

Glad the book seems good purple. Have you had a good weekend?

I have so far. This thread has helped a lot, the themes are in my mind. I even exposed my arms a bit today. I decided that my need for being cool was more important that worrying about what others thought. I'd fake tanned and moisturised, so I felt they were as good they could be.

I work for myself fighting, there is a lot to be said for it. Sounds like an exciting chapter! What is your timescale? When will you launch/start?

Glad the thread is helping margo. Im at work again so not a great weekend. I have had thoughts of having a binge in my head but resisting so far! I am determined to not do it.

Hope things are better today fighting

Can you identify why you feel like bingeing purple? Any specific trigger or emotions that you can put your finger on?

No sleep. It is just out of the blue. I am ok now. Happy with my food choices for today. I did keep catching glimses of my reflection yesterday which I found horrible. Maybe that was why?

Purple well done for good choices.

I know myself that if I don't have something current for my 'inner critic' to focus on, I find myself dragging out 'bad' behaviour/scenarios from years ago and start thinking about them! Could you/your inner critic be doing the same?

My impulse to reach for food can be switched on by the most subtle of things....but understanding each impulse or not, making good choices is the end goal - so very well done.

Sorry you didn't enjoy your reflection. I think lots of people are caught of guard with an unexpected glance, don't think that everybody else enjoys it etc. Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel better?

I think it's is years of ingrained binge/restrict. I will get past this but it won't happen overnight.

I won't be happy with my reflection until I am happy with my size so I have a long way to go.

Going to go swimming tomorrow. Hope I don't back out. I need to do some exercise. I am having less back pain so I could walk instead. I will see how I feel in the morning. I don't want to go swimming if I am going to get upset about how I look and then end up having a binge because of it. I need to be kind to myself right now.

Purple I hope that you decide to do what is right for you tomorrow.

Be kind, you deserve it.

Be kind to yourself that should read!