Eating Disorder Recovery

[OhIFellOff]

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Hi jokers, how are you today? I think quite a few of us will be able to relate to the 'armour' to feel protected. Mine is the opposite to yours, if I'm in comfortable clothing, no make up and hair tied back, I feel like people will notice me less. when I get dressed up, it makes me feel like people will laugh at my efforts to hide my hiddeousness (don't know if that's a word, but its what I feel like).x

I think we all have a "shield" I just wish mine was more natural. I'd love to be able to go out in track bottoms with no makeup.
Feel like people can see into my soul without makeup/highlights ect. Silly, I know, but true.
Dp rarely sees me without markup when i'm down

we seem to have the same feelings that show as opposite side of a coin. DH rarely sees.me with make up on. There are times when I've been extremly low, I've taken it to extremes and worn clothes too big for me, mens clothes and really old stuff. Someone bought me a clothes voucher once, so I would buy something decent to wear. it was a nice gesture, didn't chnage anything at the time though.

I'm sure you look lovely no matter what you are wearing. How we feel is normally so different to how others see us x

I'm working on it. Don't know if I will ever see myself as others do. But I'm determined to improve on what I think now, or at least try to.x

I've got myself a bb cream to try. Its a step down from foundation but better than nothing. I'll wear out around the house in Friday to see if I shine through ect before going out in it. Fingers crossed x

I am at a complete loss as to how to help my sister. She is now dangerously ill with anorexia and barely eating at all. Yesterday she collapsed and hit her head. She is still driving, although my mum has asked her not to. She is on a high dose of anti-anxiety meds but these are just dulling her emotions and are not helping her to eat more. Yesterday she saw a therapist for the first time, who asked her to keep a food diary and come back in a week. She has been being monitored by her GP, who referred her to the therapist, and to be honest I am shocked that they cannot see she is an urgent case. A food diary is ridiculous - there will be one apple a day written on there, if that. I am going to see her tomorrow and I really don't know what to say to her. All the guidance I have read suggests talking about food not feelings, but she can't express her feelings coherently - at this stage her lack of food is preventing her from thinking straight.
She is texting me a lot which is difficult. Yesterday I asked her how I could best help her, but she could not come up with anything concrete. She does not want to be reminded to eat, wants no help preparing food, and yet hates feeling as if the rest of the family is 'watching her'. She does not participate in meals but hangs around in the kitchen. The tensions is unbearable.
She is 30 and has moved back into my mum's. She is signed off work and has been for a while.
Does anyone with any experience of dealing with this know how I can best help her??????

Food diaries are (in my experience) useless. Its so easy to lie in them and put down more than you are really eating.
I also really hate people watching me eat. What worked well when I was younger was mum leaving food out ib the kitchen (pasta Salad, sandwich ect) then everyone going out and saying "we'll be back at X o'clock" so I knew they wouldn't walk in on me eating. Slowly got it so I could eat in another room with door shut, then door open ect. Now i'm fine to eat with others. I still struggle with thoughts that people will judge me for my food choices but its not too bad.
Hope that helps x

Can your family afford private help for her? She sounds as if she should be in a specialised clinic . It's probably her best chance of getting better, sadly there's probably not a lot anyone except expert medical people can do to pull her back and please don't feel guilty because you can't running, even the specialists struggle to treat people with this horrible disease .

Thank you Jokers, yes that's my impression of food diaries. It would be wonderful if she would eat food left out for her but I asked about this yesterday and she said the thought of eating anything prepared by someone else makes her panic.
I feel she should be in a clinic too sleep. It is not fair to expect my mum to deal with this, and my sister is not able to manage her illness at home. She has been paying to see a therapist privately but this has made no impact at all. This probably isn't the therapist's fault, but my sister is not in a place where she can work on recovery right now.
I really wish there was some way we could communicate with her GP or this therapist and just let them know the seriousness of the situation.

Toys suggestion our exteme but I know a family who's done it - have her sectioned under the mental health act. it gets results fast but you have up be desperate and strong to do it x

I hope everyone has a good day.

running I have just seen your messages. I have no idea why they didn't show up before.
I honestly don't know any advice that would help your sister. Being in a specialised unit does sound like the way to go. Have you had a chance to talk to your mum since you posted? My thoughts are with you and your sister.x

How is everyone today?x

Not sure if anyone is still about. I finally managed to get back into my app . I hope everyone is well.x

Hi fighting. Im still around. Dipping in and out. Hope you t doing ok. Ok here although I have been ill since monday and it doesn't seem to be going away.

Hi purple good to see you. sorry to hear you're ill, I hope you feel better soon.

Im not having the easiest time with work but training is going really well. I'm seeing changes and feeling a lot stronger.x

Hi all.
Being away has really made me see how much you've all helped me. Wanted to let you know how thankful I am for all your support. Your all stars

It's great to see you back too.x

I don't think I can do this. Trying really hard to not calorie count and eat decent healthy food but im still fat. Trying really hard to not cry as I have to leave for work in a few minutes. I feel so fat and uncomfortable in my uniform. I just want to hide away.

I think I am going to have to go back to calorie counting.

Oh purple you poor thing. Maybe today won't be as bad as you think

Thanks jokers. I really want to get off the yoyo dieting and just eat normally but I am afraid I won't lose weight unless I go on a proper diet. But if I do that I am stuck in the yoyo cycle.

I'm in the same place purple, fighting the urge to put myself back on ww pro points. I know how your feeling and it's not great. I wish I had an answer for you.x

Horrible isn't it. We can resist together fighting. I won't calorie count and you wont point.

Absolutely purple.
I think my lunch may be considered the opposite. I even started drinking wine this week, it's not good .