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Original poster

Eating Disorder Recovery

999 replies

OhIFellOff · 18/03/2014 16:47

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

OP posts:
Perfectlypurple · 07/05/2014 10:58

I don't think the doctor can help. I saw my doctor a couple of years ago for anxiety. He was great but the cbt just didn't work for me. I know what I should do. It's just getting out of that negative head space.

Years ago I lost a lot of weight - over 5 stone from diet and exercise. I kept it off until I had an injury and couldn't exercise. Since then I have yo yo dieted.

I have 6 wweeks until my holiday. I know I won't be happy by then but going to do my best to get into a healthy mindset.

Because I have put on a lot of weight I have joint and back pain so I can't do the exercise I used to do. So today I just did 20 minutes incline walking on the treadmill. I am going to build up slowly. I am off to work soon so I have done all my food prep for the day. I won't be able to binge as I am working so hoping I can get a couple of days like that to get me in the swing of it.

FightingBed2014 · 07/05/2014 11:18

You have to do what's right for you. It sounds like you have today sorted. You can do this purple, we're right behind you.x

Perfectlypurple · 07/05/2014 11:32

Thank you

I just need a few days to get in the right place and hopefully I will be able to carry on.

The strange thing is when I am calorie counting and have a planned day off it I am fine. I don't binge or go too mad. If it isn't planned I binge like mad and keep eating even if I'm not hungry.

Will look at my diary and plan an off day so I can go out for a meal with dh in the next few weeks

Sleepwhenidie · 07/05/2014 16:14

Hey where has running gone? You ok out there running? Smile

FightingBed2014 · 07/05/2014 17:55

I was wondering the same.x

runningLou · 07/05/2014 21:54

Thank you for thinking of me, Sleep and fighting. I am ok, thanks. I had my first session with the therapist yesterday. She mentioned using some CBT, and gave me a food diary to keep. She was talking about normalising eating and getting out of the 'restrict in the week, binge at weekends' pattern, that I have been trapped in. I think I will go back next week and see how it goes ...
Today has been very stressful due to worry about my sister - my mum got in touch with me this morning to say that she is not eating any more. I called the B-Eat helpline and got some advice about talking to someone who is anorexic, but it's so difficult. My sister texted this evening to say the counsellor she's been seeing says her cognitive function's now impaired and she should go back to her GP - she is going tomorrow. I suggested my mum go along with her, but she said she 'wouldn't understand'. All so worrying.
Also today I saw an osteopath about my continuing knee pain and was given no real explanation but told the custom orthotics I invested in for running are no good and in fact could be doing harm. So upset as they were ridiculously expensive - I must have been so gullible. Not sure whether to go back to the person who prescribed them now ... He also spotted I have a growth on my knee and said I need to see GP ASAP to get it scanned. So stressful.
Other than that am still waiting to hear back from 2 jobs, and trying to sort out DD's school place for next year.

FightingBed2014 · 07/05/2014 22:35

running, glad you came in for an update. It sounds like you have more than enough going on lately! That's just with your own stuff. Taking calls from / about your sister, sound incredibly hard. You do really well to cope with it all (even if you don't feel like it). We're always here to listen, without conditions or asking in return. If you ever want to pm me, feel free.
It's great that you found the therapy a help, it's a great tool to have. Hopefully you get your money back from your purchase too.x

Perfectlypurple · 07/05/2014 22:35

Nice to see you running. Sorry that things are so stressful for you but glad you are going back to the therapist.

Thanks for the PMs sleep and jokers.

Have had a successful day - so far! I have just got in from work and in bed. I will try my best to stay here and not get up to go to the kitchen. I feel better for sticking to the healthy food and doing that small bit of walking. I have obviously restricted my calories but not as far as I normally would. I will try to stick to it and build up the exercise slowly so I don't injure myself.

I was sat at work earlier thinking I was feeling a bit peckish then I realised that I have been binging so much that I wasn't peckish I just didn't feel stuffed full of food and bloated. Will try and keep that in my mind when I want to binge. I don't even like the full/bloated feeling.

JokersGiggle · 08/05/2014 05:27

I am miserable. Life is sh1t

FightingBed2014 · 08/05/2014 07:20

It is awful at the moment jokers. In time, it will get a little bit better each day.xx

JokersGiggle · 08/05/2014 08:12

But I would like it better now x

Perfectlypurple · 08/05/2014 11:36

Hoping things get a little easier soon jokers

Perfectlypurple · 08/05/2014 16:43

Arrrggghhh. Someone had work has very kindly given me a bar of cchocolate. I can't risk eating it as if I do I know all the food preparation I have done will go to waste as I will end up going to the shop and getting crap I will have 'ruined' it.

Going to give the chocolate away once the person who gave it to me has gone home.

JokersGiggle · 08/05/2014 22:04

Poor you.
But its nice the person liked you and gave it to you Smile

Make sure they don't find out you gave it away

Perfectlypurple · 08/05/2014 22:24

I won't. Another successful food day today.

It's nice to not go to bed promising myself I will start again tomorrow. Even after just a couple of days I feel less bloated.

JokersGiggle · 08/05/2014 22:26

Welll done x

FightingBed2014 · 09/05/2014 10:27

That took a lot of will power purple and you did it, well done.x

Perfectlypurple · 09/05/2014 11:24

Thanks. Day 3 today. Am off at the weekend so going to do some walking. Feeling a bit more positive but that can change in an instant if I make a bad choice so not getting too blasé about it.

FightingBed2014 · 09/05/2014 11:35

You're doing great!x

Perfectlypurple · 11/05/2014 15:32

Hows everyone doing?

I am doing my best to escape the diet trap. With a LOT of help from sleep I am going to try my best to stop calorie counting and just try to eat normally. I need to have a balance and stop under or over eating. If I give myself permission to have a bag of crisps if I want then hopefully if I do have something I would usually consider bad I will be able to accept it and not binge.

Also trying to eat slower. I tend to eat really fast so making a conscious effort to chew my food for longer.

I have tried on some of my holiday clothes. A lot of them are too tight but not by much. So instead of getting on the scales I am going to try them in again in a few weeks and see if there is a difference.

Im sure there will be slip ups along the way but will try very hard not to turn a slip into a full on binge.

Massive thanks to sleep for all her help. I will do my best to make you glad you helped me and show you that it wasn't for nothing.

FightingBed2014 · 11/05/2014 19:15

ah purple thats the best post I've seen you write. Getting into a different head space is hard but absolutely worth trying for! Keep us updated about your progress and if you feel a slip up coming, type it away. We're all here for you.x
Sleep you're a star helping us all like this!x

Perfectlypurple · 11/05/2014 19:59

Thanks fighting. I know I won't be a cure but if I can slowly change things it will hopefully be a long term thing.

Perfectlypurple · 12/05/2014 12:26

Feel like I have been punched in the gut.

Woke up this morning feeling positive determined to make small changes.

Am at work, my colleague dealt with a lady who wanted to speak to the big lady she saw last week. My colleague said she wasn't in thinking it was the really big lady in our office. But it was me she saw. I was too embarrassed to say anything and I am mortified. I am trying so hard to keep myself in check and not cry!

Luckily the reason she came in wasn't something she needed to see me for or I would have had to speak up.

Sleepwhenidie · 12/05/2014 12:36

Don't cry purple - you can do this, I know you can. People can be so judgemental and unthinking Angry.

Perfectlypurple · 12/05/2014 13:40

It makes me want to comfort eat.

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