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Original poster

Eating Disorder Recovery

999 replies

OhIFellOff · 18/03/2014 16:47

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

OP posts:
FightingBed2014 · 29/04/2014 09:25

Thanks Spotty It's always good to hear of others positive journey's.x

Sleepwhenidie · 29/04/2014 12:51

Hi Fighting, how are you doing? I was just reading your latest blog post. You sound like you are doing so well Smile. Its a tough process isn't it. With regard to the body image aspect - have you heard of mirror work? Perhaps your therapist has already suggested it - it can be very powerful.

FightingBed2014 · 29/04/2014 13:29

Hi, yeah not doing too bad. Feeling very tired yesterday and today, (went to bed early last two nights) so wondering if I'm not eating enough carbs. I'm making friends with people who train together and lift weights. They have a really positive outlook and lots of inspiration which has helped me this week.
I must admit the body image module scares the crap out of me. I'm back to weekly weighing so I'm not avoiding, but it's stressful. At the books recommendation I removed the full length mirror from my bedroom, because I use it to look for my flaws. There isn't one in my room now. It feels better not checking first thing when I get up and last thing at night plus any time i pass it. Instead they are placed in practical places where I can go to use them for more positive purposes like the bathroom and living room (did catch myself standing on tip toes to see how fat I looked this morningBlush ) it will be hard to think of my positives and not compare myself to anyone and everyone but I want to make that change. What mirror work were you refering to?
I was seeing a concellor for other things and that is now sorted, so my sessions have come to an end. I feel able to cope without them now, but have the option to return if I want to. She didn't specilise in eating etc, but was perfect for me iyswim.

Sleepwhenidie · 29/04/2014 13:43

Ah, that's interesting...what I'm talking about is actually looking at yourself in the mirror! The idea is that you use a full length mirror and study your reflection in it for a full 5 minutes (set a timer) daily for at least 30 days. Ideally you are naked but underwear (and dim lighting Wink) is ok if that's too much to ask. The aim is to be curious and observant and quiet/set aside any criticisms that pop into your head, but speak out loud neutral or positive observations. It leads to you having a much more realistic idea of what your body looks like, acceptance of it and even respect - with love being the ultimate goal Smile. Its tough, no question, but it does make a difference.

In that vein, a poem....

JokersGiggle · 29/04/2014 13:45

My body id failing me yet again.
Cramping getting worse and spotting has started.
Want to curl up somewhere and hide from reality.

Sleepwhenidie · 29/04/2014 13:48

Oh jokers Sad Sad Sad

FightingBed2014 · 29/04/2014 15:55

Jokers we're here for you.

sleep I should say that the book didn't say remove the mirror, just to not use it negatively. I'm not avoiding using them, just that one. The therapy you mentioned doesn't sound like anything I could do. Perhaps one day way in the future when I'm better. Right now it would be enough to undo everything.x

Sleepwhenidie · 29/04/2014 18:03

That's fair enough fighting - its something you need to feel ready for. Good news about the friends at the gym - I am a big fan of weight training myself. I love the sense of empowerment Grin. Also its always good to make friends of course - there you are, something good to come out of being injured Smile

Perfectlypurple · 29/04/2014 20:08

Hi jokers been thinking of you today. Hope you are ok.

FightingBed2014 · 29/04/2014 20:50

Hadn't thought of it like that sleep. Thank youSmile

JokersGiggle · 30/04/2014 02:17

I hate real life.
I'm going to hide away and live through books with happy endings.

FightingBed2014 · 30/04/2014 09:02

morning jokers. Did you manage to sleep any? Have you got a friend that can come and be with you today? I know it's only virtual but sending you the biggest hugs (thoughts for DP too).x

runningLou · 30/04/2014 09:28

Still thinking of you, Jokers. Really hope your GP and specialist doctors will take this seriously and will investigate what is going on and come up with some solutions to prevent you going through this heartache again. x

JokersGiggle · 30/04/2014 09:29

Thanks, it means a lot x
My closest friend moved away a few months ago, i've got friends but no one I want to be involved with this.
My friends moved to Oz so it's not lot she could even pop over. Skyped in the night though. She doesn't have children so it's hard for her to understand but she was lovely.

JokersGiggle · 30/04/2014 09:32

They've said to email photos and that's it.
I can see their point, they've done so many tests multiple times and they're all text-book prefect. There is no reason for this that they can find.
Just "bad luck"each time.

Perfectlypurple · 01/05/2014 18:47

Hows things today jokers?

FightingBed2014 · 01/05/2014 19:39

Jokers asked me to paste this PM she sent me earlier.

Well it's over.
Had 2 shocks - there was berry number 1 and berry number 2. Twins. Both no heartbeat.
And they measured 10Weeks 5days.
I'll post it in the main thread when i've got my head around it.
It was the lady who did my last scan and she asked the nick name before starting which meant a lot. Mark didn't make it to the scan. So I stopped off at the ambo station which isn't far from the hospital, he was out on a call so I had a cry on someone I don't even know, bless him he coped well!
feels so awful telling him its ended and it was twins in a voicemail. But after crying on his crew member I had get the message to him before he finds out from someone else I was at his work crying.
I'm sitting at home looking at the picture saying goodbye and waiting for nature to do its worst.

Perfectlypurple · 01/05/2014 21:04

Im so sorry jokers. Thinking of you.

FightingBed2014 · 02/05/2014 21:44

How is everyone?x

Perfectlypurple · 03/05/2014 08:17

A bit up and down. More down than up but fighting through.

You?

FightingBed2014 · 03/05/2014 08:33

knackered. DH Had night out and treated me to his snoring through the night. lucky meConfused

other than that, my eating is going well swapped loads of healthy things in. Cut out most white pasta, bread, potatoes and junk. Made two slices of seeded bread for breakfast and got full after one. Feeling happy that I'm doing well there.
Anxiety is up and down and feeling bit low this morning but probably just tiredness affecting me. Going to have to drag myself off the sofa soonHmm .
Have you got anything planned for the weekend?x

Perfectlypurple · 03/05/2014 10:24

Im working today unfortunately. Not much planned for tomorrow.

Hope you have a good weekend.

FightingBed2014 · 03/05/2014 10:32

Thanks . Hopefully it will involve a lie in for you.x

JokersGiggle · 03/05/2014 10:41

Hi everyone hope you all have a relaxing weekend, think we all need it x

FightingBed2014 · 03/05/2014 10:51

I dragged myself off the sofa....and ate the yummiest doughnutGrin . mmmmm

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