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Original poster

Teenage stepson touched me

166 replies

Cherie67 · 16/02/2014 08:47

Help! I was having a snooze on my parents in law sofa after a shopping trip and was awoken when felt somebody touching my breast. At first I thought it was my husband being playful but when I opened my eyes, I was shocked to see it's my 13 years old stepson. I was so shocked that I did not managed to react. This isnt the first time though, last year during our holiday, I felt him touched my breast and told him off but he said it was an accident. On both occasion I spoke to my husband about it. He said he was going to talk to his son. I dont feel comfortable being around him anymore. He visits us only on sundays and occasionally he is allowed long weekends with us if we visit my in laws here in the Cotswold. What should I do?

OP posts:

hickorychicken · 16/02/2014 18:21

What a strange thread Not the OP but peoples attitude normalising sexual assault...

Unfortunately there are some women who think like this.
There was a local news story that came up on my fb feed about a female train conductor who had been groped by a random guy, she reported it.
One of the comments was "This is PC gone mad, she should have slapped him or enjoyed it." This came from a young Woman!! Wtaf are these people teaching their kids about appropriate sexual behaviour?? My god.

donnie · 16/02/2014 18:23

"It's too late now. You say something when it happens, not hours or days later" -This is from your 9.25.41 post Bonsoir

Would you extend this advice to all victims of sexual abuse?

hickorychicken · 16/02/2014 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnyFucker · 16/02/2014 18:27

donnie, yes she would

gamerchick · 16/02/2014 18:29

Hickory I got hung drawn and quartered for using that word [

GimmeDaBoobehz · 16/02/2014 19:03

I'm glad you have sat him down and had a talk. If he does it again I would seriously want him to get some form of counselling because this behaviour is not appropriate.

Sure you may find your stepmother attractive and there is no harm in thinking. At 13 you are perfectly capable of understanding what you are doing. You aren't a curious 5 year old trying something new, you are a teenager and not stupid. To suggest otherwise is insulting to the majority of 13 year olds.

If the step parent was to do nothing the stepchild may think that this behaviour is OK, because no punishment has been issued. They may not do it again or they may do it again. But if they do it again, it could be to someone at school, or to someone on a train or bus and I can almost guarantee they wont be 'understanding' about it.

You be understanding about a 15 year old trying their first cigarette, you be understanding if your son buys a condom and has a girlfriend and he just wanted to be safe with but it's ridiculous to expect someone to be understanding about having their boundaries breached.

Also, why should she have to put up with being inappropriately touched, it's bloody horrible.

If it was in the manual of step parenting that your stepchildren are allowed to experiment with you when you are drunk/asleep etc and you are supposed to just let it happen, I imagine most step parents would take a hike and rightly so.

Bonsoir is sending a very dangerous message here and I'm not someone who reacts strongly to things at all.

ArgyMargy · 16/02/2014 19:03

Terrifying, AnyFucker? You are really terrified by Bonsoir's posts? Do you know what the word means? No wonder people think MN is wierd.

hickorychicken · 16/02/2014 19:05

Sorry

Whereisegg · 16/02/2014 19:09

Argy, I think it's pretty scary that bonsoirs posts advised the op to do nothing, and the suggestion that this was normal behaviour.

It is absolutely not normal and ignoring it suggests to dss that he can do this with no repercussions.

Who else will he think he can touch?
Where else will he think he can touch?

In a very short time this 13yo will be the size of a fully grown man, and I, for one, don't want him to think like bonsoir.

MrsSchadenfreude · 16/02/2014 19:14

Argy - no, AF isn't terrified by Bonsoir's posts - she's terrified by the thought of her being real, I believe. (I am terrified by the thought of a lot of people on here being real, but that's beside the point!)

ihatethecold · 16/02/2014 19:19

Wow, just wow.
How can any parent condone this sort of behaviour.
Madness

VoyageDeVerity · 16/02/2014 19:19

He didn't apologise?

What did he actually say?

AnyFucker · 16/02/2014 19:24

Argy, I find the fact that society apologises for sexual assault in many shapes and forms on a regular basis

And posts like bonspiel's rationalise it

Is that not terrifying to you ?

AnyFucker · 16/02/2014 19:25

That was a phone autocorrect, but a fitting one methinks

Bonsoir · 16/02/2014 19:29

I'm terrified that AnyFucker thinks the Ten Commandments are a relevant handbook for all human problems.

Were life so simple...

gamerchick · 16/02/2014 19:39

oh give your head a wobble bonsoir.. if you have beef with anyfurcker take it to PM.

AnyFucker · 16/02/2014 19:40

Sexual assault is pretty simple

You either condone it, or you don't

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 16/02/2014 19:43

Holy crap, OP.

I hope you are okay.

You know your stepson is out of order and it would be a deal breaker for me if my husband didn't do the right thing, or tried to stop me doing so.

Not wanting to blow families apart is why so many children get abused and nothing is ever done so they have to live with it - or not when they commit suicide - and is a disgraceful way to live.

I won't comment on certain posters. They are pathetic.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 16/02/2014 19:49

Bonsoir you really are a goady fucker aren't you? How in God's name is nicking chocolate from a box the same as touching someone's breast without permission ?

VoyageDeVerity · 16/02/2014 19:53

Bonsoir would you be happy with your stepsons diddling around with you whilst you were asleep? Simple question?

AnyFucker · 16/02/2014 19:55

Of course she would

Don't you know that women have a responsibility to guide young men's entitlement to touch females sexually whenever they like ?

waltermittymissus · 16/02/2014 20:12

OP, you say that SS said nothing.

Why was he not made to apologise at the very least?

This is massively worrying. Not least because this teenager seems to think it's ok to touch women in a sexual fashion without their consent and without their knowledge.

I'm not happy tbh that he was allowed to avoid it altogether. I think you should look into getting a professional to speak to him about this.

I won't comment on what he said about his mother's house. Could be guff because he was trying to get out trouble.

As for Bonsoir, her posts are coming across like she has a worrying sexual interest in or relationship with her stepsons so I wouldn't be listening to anything she has to say.

ashtrayheart · 16/02/2014 20:15

Very worrying behaviour from a 13 yo boy, not the thought but the carrying it out.
Very worrying comments on this thread too

donnie · 16/02/2014 20:20

Why don't you answer my question Bonsoir ?

mygorgeousmilo · 16/02/2014 20:35

Please whatever else you think about any of it, it really would be my first thought to take him to counselling. There is such a thing as teenage boys committing rape. I'm not saying it will be him, but these things start somewhere, and having NO boundaries whatsoever is NOT a good sign. If that was my son then apart from being disgusted and horified, there would be serious, serious consequences. This needs to be addressed by his whole family, your DH, the boys mother. Violent computer games, access to christ knows what on the internet, on so many levels he needs to be dealt with before he becomes someone on the news. Sorry to be alarmist but it all starts somewhere. I can tell you that a girl in my primary school had to move away because her mother had turned in her 15 YO brother for raping a woman along the canal. A boy over the road from us, who was a twin, aged 14 got off on a sexual assault charge only because they couldn't prove which one of them it was!!! The woman he attacked lived opposite them. And we live in 'posh' Islington. It's weird that your husband hasn't gone nuts. If it was a teenaged neighbour would he have reacted in the same way?

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