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Original poster

Teenage stepson touched me

166 replies

Cherie67 · 16/02/2014 08:47

Help! I was having a snooze on my parents in law sofa after a shopping trip and was awoken when felt somebody touching my breast. At first I thought it was my husband being playful but when I opened my eyes, I was shocked to see it's my 13 years old stepson. I was so shocked that I did not managed to react. This isnt the first time though, last year during our holiday, I felt him touched my breast and told him off but he said it was an accident. On both occasion I spoke to my husband about it. He said he was going to talk to his son. I dont feel comfortable being around him anymore. He visits us only on sundays and occasionally he is allowed long weekends with us if we visit my in laws here in the Cotswold. What should I do?

OP posts:
SanityClause · 16/02/2014 10:16

The boy had touched the OP when he was 12, but said it was accidental. He knows is is wrong, already.

He really does need some kind of serious intervention, like counselling, before he grows up into being an entitled prick. All because his parents never said "no" to him.

And frankly, no, I wouldn't call the police. But if my choices were "police" or "do nothing" with nothing in between, I sure as hell would!

Bonsoir · 16/02/2014 10:17

ArgyMargy Smile

Lauratheexplora · 16/02/2014 10:19

Have reported this thread.

LucyLasticBand · 16/02/2014 10:22

reported

amyshellfish · 16/02/2014 10:27

Oh good for you. Thanks for the valuable contribution of troll hunting there.

PlumSykes · 16/02/2014 10:31

Obviously this thread has gone far, far away form the origin post, but for what it's worth, I would say that he is a child, and he needs to know what is right and wrong, and as his parents, you need to teach him that. Not necessarily punish him, but explain that touching people, anywhere, whether awake or asleep, is not okay.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 16/02/2014 10:34

Troll or not. The advice given on here is appalling.

Tenplusone · 16/02/2014 10:41

Amyshellfish, you know what, no need for that passive aggressive comment. I don't troll hunt and certainly not for my own entertainment. Just thought to share that I was wondering why op had not come back. This is a very sensitive and possibly triggering subject for some.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 16/02/2014 10:41

How do you think men who think it's ok to touch women in clubs because they were out late/dressed that way/ a bit drunk/ obviously up for it etc happen?

Because they have been told that the rules don't apply to them. And they do apply to them.

Original poster
Cherie67 · 16/02/2014 10:43

Thanks to all your advice. Had a serious discussion with husband this morning. It was made clear to stepson that his inappropriate touching will not be tolerated. Not just to me but to any girls without their consent. That dire consequences can happen if it happens again. I hope he learned a lesson. And I hope not to be victimised again.

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamus · 16/02/2014 10:45

My god this thread is depressing.

Bonsoir - yes - I do have 'absolute' rules. Touching someone sexually without their consent is wrong. I wasn't aware that this made me immature.

This is not a step parenting issue. Of course a teenage boy may have confused feeling for his step mother. No one is disputing that, or saying those feelings in themselves are wrong. What is wrong however is acting on those feelings without consent.

Teenagers often have very confused feelings for each other. That is not wrong. To act on those feelings without consent is wrong.

The issue needs dealing with, and the OP's stepson needs to be told that his behaviour was wrong. I find it incredibly depressing that this is even up for debate.

Original poster
Cherie67 · 16/02/2014 10:46

Sorry I was not replying to messages asking where I was. I was having the discussion. I hope that sorted it. Thanks to all your thoughts.

OP posts:
Greythorne · 16/02/2014 11:16

The only people mentioning the word rapist are the defenders of the boy's action.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 11:49

Good point Greythorne!

AnyFucker · 16/02/2014 17:08

OP, well done, you have done exactly the right thing

Bonsoir, your posts make it look like you have had a sexual relationship with one of your stepsons

Is that how you meant it to come across ?

ggirl · 16/02/2014 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RonaldMcDonald · 16/02/2014 17:35

Surely the answer is to have a serious sit down convo.
It would be good to start with asking the lad what he was doing and why.
This is important as there may be other factors at play that the OP is unaware of at this point.
If there is nothing untoward in what he tells you then the next point would be that it is important that he is expected to be truthful and take responsibility for his actions.

This will be difficult so try to be gentle as it will pay off and he will be able to hear the rest of your message.

Then a convo must happen where it is explained in no uncertain terms that touching someone without their consent, in any way, if off limits.
It is a good time to talk about appropriate behaviour.
A good time to talk about sexual relationships and how he behaves toward others

His talking to a counsellor or therapist isn't a bad idea depending on how this all goes

ggirl · 16/02/2014 17:44

will get my post deleted as namechange didn't work

VoyageDeVerity · 16/02/2014 18:03

Bonsoir your posts are really quite sick.

I think the SS must be really messed up to do this. Not normal at ALL and I have had a SS from the age of 10 to 21 now it's not easy but in no way is this usual or acceptable.

gamerchick · 16/02/2014 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Cherie67 · 16/02/2014 18:14

We had the discussion this morning. My stepson didn't apologise. He was avoiding me all day and I wouldn't see him again till next Sunday. I am still feeling uncomfortable around him. He has a great relationship with my husband but not with his mother whom he complains about since last year as turning their house a lot like Sex And The City. His words.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/02/2014 18:15

Maybe so, GC, but apparently bonsoir is real which is actually a thousand times more terrifying

LucyLasticBand · 16/02/2014 18:18

his words are worrying op.
your dh needs to talk to his mum

LucyLasticBand · 16/02/2014 18:18

anyway, i resolved to myself not to comment any more.

gamerchick · 16/02/2014 18:20

Aye I know AF.. I've had beers after work so am ignoring those particular posts. Thankfully in the minority they are.