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Original poster

Teenage stepson touched me

166 replies

Cherie67 · 16/02/2014 08:47

Help! I was having a snooze on my parents in law sofa after a shopping trip and was awoken when felt somebody touching my breast. At first I thought it was my husband being playful but when I opened my eyes, I was shocked to see it's my 13 years old stepson. I was so shocked that I did not managed to react. This isnt the first time though, last year during our holiday, I felt him touched my breast and told him off but he said it was an accident. On both occasion I spoke to my husband about it. He said he was going to talk to his son. I dont feel comfortable being around him anymore. He visits us only on sundays and occasionally he is allowed long weekends with us if we visit my in laws here in the Cotswold. What should I do?

OP posts:
FobblyWoof · 16/02/2014 09:19

There's a difference between fancying and being sexually attracted to someone and touching them without their permission. It may be well documented that step sons can go through a phase of being attracted to their step mothers, but that does not make it even remotely acceptable for him to act on those feelings, especially without permission, especially when someone is asleep.

He knew what was doing was wrong because he denied it the first time she questioned him a few months ago. He said it was accidental. So he knew very well what he was doing wasn't right and he went and did it anyway.

I don't think anyone's talking about 'ripping families apart' but this is totally, totally unacceptable.

And Bonsoir, that's rape culture at it's very worst. Angry

Bonsoir · 16/02/2014 09:19

Honestly - would you call the police if your DSS nicked a chocolate from the box you had been given? Or would you tell him - kindly - not to do that again?

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 16/02/2014 09:22

I completely disagree with Bonsoir how bizarre anyone would think like that Hmm

It is NOT ok op no matter what the age or the relationship to You. He needs to be stopped and explained to that this behaviour is completely unacceptable!

Greythorne · 16/02/2014 09:23

But Bonsoir you did not say 'talk to him'. You said 'do nothing'. And make sure you don't so anything that could be misconstrued! Which means avoid being blamed for your step son touching you.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:23

This is fucking awful....Bonsoir so OP is meant to ignore the event...and send the message to this boy that it's "ok" because he's a teenager! This is NOT normal teen boy behaviour. 13 year old boys do NOT routinely touch women without consent.

OP...he needs to see a professional. And fast. Your DH needs to talk to him first...

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:24

Bonsoir nicking a chocolate is NOT to be compared to groping breasts without consent. Are you on fucking pluto? What land are you from that you think this is ok??? He gets away with this....then he'll do it again to a non relative. And why the fuck should the OP allow that?? She's been touched without consent in a sexual way. NOT OK!

KingRollo · 16/02/2014 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bonsoir · 16/02/2014 09:25

It's too late now. You say something when it happens, not hours or days later.

I think people who aren't step parents need to stop commenting as this is a very particular step parenting issue.

LucyLasticBand · 16/02/2014 09:25

why the dh
why not the op do the talking? Hmm

KingRollo · 16/02/2014 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:28

Rollo why would he do it to his stepmother?

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:29

And Rollo a seven year old doing similar would be "curious" a 13 year old is borderline....totally not on. He should KNOW that you don't take advantage of sleeping women in this way!

HolidayArmadillo · 16/02/2014 09:29

Sometimes I really really don't get this place. Remind me never to become a step parent then if you sign up for being groped unawares by some spotty teenager who has no idea of personal boundaries.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:29

Lucy because the DH is the parent. The OP is not....and it was her who was touched and her who is now uncomfortable.

ilikebigbutts · 16/02/2014 09:29

It is not for women to ease boys into sexual maturity by denying their own right to bodily autonomy and the right to have a snooze on a sofa without being touched sexually.

^^^^^^^^^

This, yes he may be confused with feelings that he has for his stepmother, yes he may be raging full of hormones but that doesn't mean he can go around copping a feel whenever the urge takes him. In a couple of years he will most likely be going to parties etc with other teenagers, what if a girl was drunk and he happened to really fancy her. Have a wee quick feel, she'll never know, no harm done...?

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:31

Bonsoir is it fuck a very particular step parenting issue. It's a situation which is very awkward and not nice at all and one which should be dealt with...now...no matter how long ago it was!

MrsSchadenfreude · 16/02/2014 09:31

I don't have step kids, but surely you would sit the boy down immediately (with his father would probably be helpful) and explain why it is not appropriate to touch a woman - any woman - without her consent. By saying nothing, you are condoning his behaviour and giving him the message that it is quite acceptable to have a quick feel of any woman, should the urge take him?

pinkyredrose · 16/02/2014 09:32

kingrollo he's committed sexual assault can you really not see that?

Aghast that some posters are diminishing what he's done.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 16/02/2014 09:33

I think people who aren't step parents need to stop commenting as this is a very particular step parenting issue.

Rubbish! I am a step parent and if my dss done that to me no way would I let him get away with it.

Why would he do it again to someone else? He's 13 years old and curious, not a fucking rapist!

Where do You think abuse and rape starts? If this 13 year old is not stopped and told it is wrong he will carry on doing it to not just his SM but possibly others too!

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:33

Also, what if he'd "punched" his stepmother...would that also be acceptable because he was "just experimenting with his burgeoning strength"??

No..it would not be acceptable. So why is him touching her sexually ok?

OP...sort it out. You won't do the boy any favours by leaving this.

MrsSchadenfreude · 16/02/2014 09:33

What if the next person he decides to do this to is the teenage daughter of a family friend?

ilikebigbutts · 16/02/2014 09:34

And I'm not saying this 13yr old should be crucified, there may be other particular things going on the family that we don't know about, but his father should be having a very serious word with him. Not brushing it under the carpet as harmless teenage sexual curiosity. If it's not his body he shouldn't be touching without consent.

ilikebigbutts · 16/02/2014 09:35

Good point *AwfulMaureen"

JumpingJackSprat · 16/02/2014 09:36

So some people don't think this is assault? What if he was 13 and was touching up a 12 year old step sister- is that still assault or would you still do nothing? How about a 14 year old? 16 year old? 18 year old? What age does it start to become an issue which needs to be addressed for some of you? If it was the OP's husband touching her sexually in her sleep - that would be sexual assault and I don't think many people would be saying its ok, do nothing. I cant actually believe some people on this thread think its ok.

Its absolutely not just a step parenting issue - If my DSS started touching me sexually in my sleep I would not let it lie and by not addressing it, you're telling your stepson it's ok to touch women and girls sexually when they are asleep. I don't necessarily think its a police issue but neither is it just for OP to sort out herself and she and her husband should speak to him at the same time to educate him on respect for women. This is not a normal occurrence to manage as part of a stepmother/stepson relationship and its not up to the stepmum alone to "lay down the boundaries". I would imagine the OP thought the boundaries were clear and its this boy that is overstepping them.

Just to reiterate, IT IS NEVER OK TO TOUCH ANYONE SEXUALLY IN THEIR SLEEP WITHOUT CONSENT. Clear enough?

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:36

Thank you butts they're both assault aren't they? Any unwanted touching...assault.