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Original poster

Teenage stepson touched me

166 replies

Cherie67 · 16/02/2014 08:47

Help! I was having a snooze on my parents in law sofa after a shopping trip and was awoken when felt somebody touching my breast. At first I thought it was my husband being playful but when I opened my eyes, I was shocked to see it's my 13 years old stepson. I was so shocked that I did not managed to react. This isnt the first time though, last year during our holiday, I felt him touched my breast and told him off but he said it was an accident. On both occasion I spoke to my husband about it. He said he was going to talk to his son. I dont feel comfortable being around him anymore. He visits us only on sundays and occasionally he is allowed long weekends with us if we visit my in laws here in the Cotswold. What should I do?

OP posts:
SauceForTheGander · 16/02/2014 09:37

Why is it not possible to sit him down and explain very clearly that he has wrong to touch his step mother? He has crossed personal boundaries - it is perfectly fine to be interested in the opposite sex but what he has done is wrong. He can't touch anyone while they sleep.

Don't need to make this a big deal but ignoring it isn't right either.

badgerknowsbest · 16/02/2014 09:37

I think most 13 years old while undoubtably curious know that's certain things you can't do, and touching your breast while sleeping is unacceptable, doesn't matter if it's a stepchild or not.

Personally I would be worried that if nothing is said then what's to say he couldn't do it to a woman sleeping on a train, or a girl at his school?

LucyLasticBand · 16/02/2014 09:38

i think Rape is more of a Power issue and i dont think it is relevant in this case.

babyheaves · 16/02/2014 09:39

Jesus wept bonsoir. You do like to put yourself out there as some authority for step parenting and god knows why. I'd bet if those flabby step sons of yours copped a feel without your permission you wouldn't be delighting in the thought of how you could help them transition from Boyz to Menz.

OP, You and your DH need to sit down together with his son and make it absolutely clear it is NOT acceptable and if it happens again there will be dire consequences. You have the absolute right to feel safe in your own home. Being groped without your consent is never acceptable, ever. Anyone who thinks it's OK for an unrelated child to do this to an adult is skin crawlingly wrong.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:40

Nobody has suggested the police. What would be appropriate is a councilor or perhaps a word with childline. If a girl did this to her StepFather people would assume she'd been sexually abused herself....is that a possibility? The boy's boundaries aren't "correct".

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:41

babyheaves sorry you made me laugh but how naughty you are!

Xfirefly · 16/02/2014 09:42

You need to speak up about this. Otherwise he's going to think he's gotten away with it and carry on.

cornishcreamtea · 16/02/2014 09:43

Jumpingjack sums it up beautifully in my opinion.

Lottiedoubtie · 16/02/2014 09:44

Anyone who thinks it's OK for an unrelated child to do this to an adult is skin crawlingly wrong.

This. I cannot believe anyone on MN, let alone a regular, would give out contrary advice to this. I'm horrified.

Bonsoir · 16/02/2014 09:47

Stepmothers are not akin to unrelated adults. The boundary issues are much more complex.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:47

I know Lottie it makes me fucking despairing and ANGRY all in one.

It's sick...to think that it's part of being a woman...allowing boys to cop a feel so they don't...what? get offended!?

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:48

Bonsoir get this through your head...it has FUCK ALL to do with being a step parent and EVERYTHING to do with being a woman and being touched inappropriately!

LucyLasticBand · 16/02/2014 09:48

you dont actually see step son much do you op?

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:49

AND to be frank, even a SON would be the same in my book....sons don't get to feel their mothers tits unless they're breastfeeding!

Greythorne · 16/02/2014 09:49

Complex they might be but that does not mean women should accept being made to feel ill at ease in their own homes to avoid a scene.

KingRollo · 16/02/2014 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilikebigbutts · 16/02/2014 09:50

Bonsoir - what if it was a step-sister ?

Bonsoir · 16/02/2014 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:51

Rollo As I said, they should look at counseling

Butts yes...what if a step daughter had a feel of her step Dad's penis as he slept. Would THAT BE OK???.

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:52

Bonsoir I despair of sad, lost women like you who don't understand that their bodies are not a free for all.

LucyLasticBand · 16/02/2014 09:52

cna you involve his mum op?

AwfulMaureen · 16/02/2014 09:52

And Bonsoir...what if it was a girl who had a feel of her Step Dad's penis? Is that ok too in your book?

ilikebigbutts · 16/02/2014 09:54

Bonsoir - your last comment is fucking shocking.

Bonsoir · 16/02/2014 09:55

You need to be VERY careful in blended families to prevent ambiguity. We have had strong words about this with DP's exW who we felt was lax and misguided about the DSSs and exW's DP's DD sharing rooms and bathrooms on holiday. In our case all the DC hated it but I think it is adults responsibility to lay down extremely clear boundaries.

Obviously when they become adults there is nothing you cN do about it.

babyheaves · 16/02/2014 09:55

As I said above. Stern words, making it absolutely clear that non consensual sexual touching is assault and with threats of dire consequences if it happens again.