Awful slip of the tongue committed, I'm a shitty, shitty person.

[MrsBertMacklin]

Went to the shops this afternoon and the lady who served me had a lazy eye. We were having a bit of small talk about the flowers I was buying when she leaned down behind the counter to get a flower bag and a pen fell out of her shirt so I told her:

"Oh, you've dropped your eye."

To which she said, "Sorry?" and I said it again, then realised what I'd said so corrected myself and said sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night and keep getting my words mixed up, but she gave me a and stopped chatting to me.

I feel horrible.

Many years ago a colleague was writing a letter to a client. He managed to end the letter with "We look forward to hearing from you SHORTY ". He only realised his mistake a day or two after posting the letter and was agonising over the tallness of the recipient .

Hilarious! I especially like the elf one and the black people on the beach because my own Dc have mortified me similarly and innocently.

'NO ONE SHOULD BE TOUCHING ANYONE ELSE'S BALLS WITHOUT ASKING!'

After a very stressful playtime where Y6 had been nicking footballs from younger children. At the top of my voice in a full playground. Y6 collectively wet themselves.

A lesson in life there from a schoolteacher. What other pearls of wisdom did you provide in your professional capacity ?

I said something about a hole in the heart, when I meant head, to someone who had a hole in his heart. They all knew. I did not.

I opened my big trap the other day.
Girl at work split up with her husband as amongst other things he'd used her as a punch bag. I was talking to a colleague and turned very quickly and nearly collided with her, I then said "whoops. So sorry nearly beat you up then" realised my faux pas so quickly and apologised a lot, colleague laughed it off & said don't worry, but I felt awful & still bloody do when I think about it

I said to my neighbour " isn't your sister lovely? She's so kind and friendly. Nothing like you "

Mortifying - I meant to say she looks nothing like you. Even worse it was a Freudian slip and my neighbours sister is much nicer than my neighbour!

My brother (late 40's) recently got a new girlfriend and I jokingly asked what the name of her guide dog was... Only to discover that she is actually registered blind

This is my first post, I only joined for Classics but this had me screaming with laughter (why isn't it in classics anyway?)

I am great at these. I was once with a client, interrogating an aspect of his business, and enquired as to the unusually large commission he had received for a transaction. He told me he'd received payment of £x thousand, and as I idly looked at my noted and wondered if the regulator might be curious about it, I murmured what I thought was something like, "Blimey, that would buy you a few drinks at a party".

But it came out as "That would buy me a few drinks wouldn't it."

I could have got away with it, except this guy was incredibly, devastatingly attractive - and leapt on my suggestion instantly. I had to sit red faced and stammering while he lectured me on asking out single men when I was quite clearly married.

I had to visit him on 2 more occasions and was mortified.

Not quite as bad as when I told a client who had numerous endowment policies (this was in the early 90s) that he was obviously "very well-endowed".

Haha these are brilliant. Reminds me of the austin Powers mole scene lol.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=MLZZos7_fYo

My best was walking into one of the directors offices at work whilst he was entertaining about 8 male clients. I wanted a price check but ended up asking out loud for a "prick". They all heard rofl. I went bright red and to top it off the director phoned my dad who is one of the other directors so he could have a good laugh too!!!

Oh god! Karma is going to get me...

Green coat...