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Original poster

Awful slip of the tongue committed, I'm a shitty, shitty person.

163 replies

MrsBertMacklin · 07/06/2013 16:50

Went to the shops this afternoon and the lady who served me had a lazy eye. We were having a bit of small talk about the flowers I was buying when she leaned down behind the counter to get a flower bag and a pen fell out of her shirt so I told her:

"Oh, you've dropped your eye."

To which she said, "Sorry?" and I said it again, then realised what I'd said so corrected myself and said sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night and keep getting my words mixed up, but she gave me a Hmm and stopped chatting to me.

I feel horrible. Sad

OP posts:
AprilFoolishness · 07/06/2013 19:27

Blinding form sorry
Laughing so much I can't type

Minty82 · 07/06/2013 19:30

Oh god, I did exactly this once. I was paying for something in change, and was fumbling as I had gloves on. So I said 'Sorry, I need my fingers for this', and took my gloves off. Only then did I realise that the man who was serving me had no fingers...

Original poster
MrsBertMacklin · 07/06/2013 19:31

Oh Jesus Blush Grin

What was his response?

OP posts:
TriggersBroom · 07/06/2013 19:31

Have namechanged as this will out me:

Conversation once overheard between my DC.

DC2 (loudly): Is that an elf?
DC1 (equally loudly): No, elves aren't real. It's a dwarf.
DC2: Oh ok

Blush
ReluctantBeing · 07/06/2013 19:32

Lol!

GiddyStars · 07/06/2013 19:33

Oh god, you poor thing. I can't believe you said it twice! Grin

ArtemisatBrauron · 07/06/2013 19:35

I worked in Lush (smelly soap shop) when I was a student and one of the staff told a (weirdly, female) customer to smooth a bit of cream over her foreskin instead of her forehead... they had been talking about skin problems... Blush

TreeLuLa · 07/06/2013 19:36

I am fat. The other day I was kept waiting for a while for a meeting, and when the woman came to get me, she said "I'm sorry about your wait" and then looked at me again, cringed a bit, paused while she decided whether to correct it to 'the' wait and then decided against it. She was so embarrassed, but I thought it was all quite funny.

verytellytubby · 07/06/2013 19:42

That's hilarious and awful.

I actually laughed out loud.

Wildwaterfalls · 07/06/2013 19:43

So sorry OP - awkward - You really weren't judging though!

Some of these are hilarious!!

I once went on a date with a guy. Got to the restaurant and he asked the waiter for a room for two. Grin He was very embarrassed!

Sallystyle · 07/06/2013 19:46

OMG I haven't laughed this hard in a long time Grin

aftermay · 07/06/2013 19:46

I'd forgotten my badge and was trying to get through some doors. Great, I thought, and started to smile and wave at the other person standing behind a kind of desk. More smile and wave. She leant down, picked up her white stick and walked off.

grumpywompy · 07/06/2013 19:47

I'm snorting with laughing at have you got a funny face

mamageekchic · 07/06/2013 19:50

I still cringe when thinking about being in a DIY shop with DP, he was getting a bit excited about getting back to work (he's a tradesman) I said loudly 'calm down, you're spending like a man with no arms!' (I mean, wtf does that saying even mean?!) looked up to see a sales assistant approaching to offer help... Missing. An. Arm. I could have died!!

Minty82 · 07/06/2013 19:52

MrsBert - he didn't say anything, and I couldn't apologise as that would make it worse!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/06/2013 19:55

What was his response?

"Yes, of course."

Then I had a mostly silent hair cut.

HormonalHousewife · 07/06/2013 19:57

Funny Grin

happyhorse · 07/06/2013 20:08

The fingers one has me in tears of laughter, and the elf :)

I have a dread of phoning the hair dresser as I know that one day I will ask for a cut and blowjob. I have to chant "blowdry, blowdry" to myself while dialling.

Original poster
MrsBertMacklin · 07/06/2013 20:13

Thanks for everyone who's shared their own tales of foot-in-mouth awfulness, you've consoled me greatly with how much worse it could have been.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 07/06/2013 20:17

Oh dear? Twice you poor thing.

Slightly different but the elf one made me think. I was on a bus with my friend's dd when she pointed at a man with a large facial birth mark and said 'look mummy that man's got a' - my friend slammed her hand over her dd's mouth. Her dd wrestled her way out and said 'green coat'.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 07/06/2013 20:18

I wont talk to anyone again after reading this thread! This shit happens to me all the time.

The most embarrassing was when I very obviously staring at a very attractive man. He was looking back at me weird then announced 'im sick of people staring at me'

I then saw he had one arm. My brain went into overdrive as I wasn't looking perving at him because of that so I obviously had to fix it so my brain did the following.

'oh I'm not bothered about you missing an arm, I barely use my left one, its like its not there' then laughed! I then realised what I said and apologised with 'sorry, just ignore me' I walked off at speed.

Why I'm single I have no clue!

cocolepew · 07/06/2013 20:18

Sitting in A&E an one armed man was struggling to put his parking ticket in the machine and get his wallet out at the same time. Nobody was offering to help so I jumped up, in my head saying "help not hand help not hand". Of course at the top of my voice asked him if he wanted a hand. Then did a hideously embarrassed laugh and said "not that I have a spare one".
I wanted to die.

Original poster
MrsBertMacklin · 07/06/2013 20:21

cocolepew You win this thread, official.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBertMacklin · 07/06/2013 20:21

no word of a lie, I've dribbled my drink about coco's 'spare hand'.

OP posts:
DeskPlanner · 07/06/2013 20:24

These are brilliant. Grin Wet cunt, I mean you can't make this up. Grin