Awful slip of the tongue committed, I'm a shitty, shitty person.

[MrsBertMacklin]

Went to the shops this afternoon and the lady who served me had a lazy eye. We were having a bit of small talk about the flowers I was buying when she leaned down behind the counter to get a flower bag and a pen fell out of her shirt so I told her:

"Oh, you've dropped your eye."

To which she said, "Sorry?" and I said it again, then realised what I'd said so corrected myself and said sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night and keep getting my words mixed up, but she gave me a and stopped chatting to me.

I feel horrible.

I Work in HR and recently was recruiting for my old job after being promoted so wasn't in on the interviews at my own request but I did know who they chose. I saw Sue (not really her name) in the corridor and dropped my guard for a second which I have never done before and did the sideways head thing and a sympathetic face and then she said she was just going to find out the decision. Luckily she was so thick skinned she didn't pick it up

QOD I just nearly p'd myself a little at your 'finger ring' story.

I guess you didn't get what you asked for then

friend works in jewellers she asked a customer would you like me to buff your ring sir

I was waiting to get off a ferry standing with my bike, had a little chat with the only other cyclist standing next to me. We had to wait a long time so I was humming to pass the time. And humming. And humming.

Ferry docks and we cycle off, only then does my conscious brain notice that the other cyclist has only one leg, and was balancing with his crutch on the other side to me.

What had I been humming for the last 5 minutes? I'm Jake the Peg....

Why? why? why?!

Monkeys!

This thread needs a bump - had me stifling many a giggle in front of the DCs .

Happy to bump it up :)

Laughing so hard at this thread one of my dc has just come down stairs thinking I was crying

Love the wet cunt one and the yelling can I help you on the bus!!

I have a friend who was very pleased with herself when she bought her George Foreman grill and spent about 5 minutes talking about it to my ex father in law who looked baffled because she referred to it constantly as the George ForeSKIN grill, being a good friend that I am I just sat and let her carry on

Oh my

I just burst out laughing at that!

I hereby nominate this thread for Classics!

Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa

So awful it is funny! am in floods of tears now in front of very puzzled children.

monkeys :o

I was chatting with someone in a pub one night, slightly drunk. I thought she kept on winking at me, so I kept winking back, after about 5 minutes I realised she had an eye tic. She was mortified and so was I

I can tell you from bitter experience that if you think this is embrassing, then it's a thousand times worse if you do this as a teacher in front of a class.

A friend of mine once got her class in an loudly told them all to take off their shirts...before realising she meant coats!

I once had a class of sixth formers who were all in fancy dress (I think the theme was Heros and villains) and one boy, dressed as Thor, kept scratching at his head over and over. So, I asked him if his helmet was itchy...before thinking through what that might also mean

Was making pre-meeting small talk once with a left handed chap who hated sitting next to right handed people because of the inevitable elbow bumping. So I said well, you should sit next to Jane, she's left handed.

Jane heard her name and looked over so I explained the conversation. They both looked at me a bit weirdly so I explained further, you know, when you're both writing your elbows bump, . They eventually nodded, humouring me, and the meeting got under way.

About five minutes into my briefing I remembered Jane is missing her right arm from the elbow down. Wanted to curl up and hide!!

She stole my pen during that meeting, I like to think it was her way of getting revenge

When of the first times my boyfriend, now dh, met my extended family was unfortunately at my grandfather's funeral. On the way back from the crematorium to break the silence, and without thinking it through, he said ' Well, at least that is all done and dusted!' To be fair though, it broke the tension and the whole family entered the wake laughing so hard we got odd looks!

Ha!! Df has now taken to mimicking my laughing at this thread and not letting me tell him the funnys - his loss

Years ago my friends Dad died after a long, complicated illness. Not long before he died he'd had to have a leg amputated.

A few months after the funeral I met with my friend and she was really upset talking about her Dad and the moment he'd died (she was with him). She apologised for crying on my shoulder and I said " Don't worry about, in your situation I'd be sobbing my leg off".

It was an expression someone I'd worked with about 15 years before had often used but I'd never heard it since until it came out of my mouth that day.