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Original poster

wwyd...Measles Vacs

190 replies

mothermars · 15/10/2012 23:17

Hi
Not wishing to start a huge debate over vaccinations. But, I have a dilemma!

DH is anti vaccinations. Our DS is due his MMR and I have opted for the singles. I did his other routine jabs (against DH's wishes) and that caused friction like you wouldn't believe. But I felt that it was the right thing and that my DS life was more important than my DHs feelings on the matter.

However, I have concerns with the MMR (single or otherwise). My DH has done years of research, and he feels justified by his findings. He has little faith in our government and (long story short) believes it is meanly a money making scam etc. He said that the contents of the vaccines would shock me. He's also spouted much more 'evidence' that vaccinations potentially can do more harm then good. I've done my research too. And I think the only reason I'm doubting myself now, is because I don't have DHs backing, and to me, this is such a big deal, that I feel I am taking a gamble and I'm unsure what to do.

If two parents have strong views and both think they are right - where is the compromise? The middle ground? Who gets the final say? We usually unite in every other aspect.

I know the majority are pro vaccinations, and will say that I should have final say and do it. But bare in mind , that he truly believes that his research is more valid and less corrupted, so me saying "read x y and z" will not alter his opinion.

Has anyone been in this situation before and what did you do?

Also, does anyone know how I can get hold of the breakdown 'ingredients' in the single measles vacs?

Thank you..

OP posts:

Tincletoes · 16/10/2012 13:14

It's also worth noting there wasn't a blanket ruling and so any new case would have to go through the courts again.

I'm guessing the dad was adament the MMR should be given, mum was certain it shouldn't and for whatever reason the compromise of single jabs was deemed not relevant. So the court had to rule on the 2 options available and came down to vaccinating.

Noqontrol · 16/10/2012 13:31

Is it the worry of autism op, that is concerning you dh? Or is it just the risk of any general adverse reactions to vacinations? If its about autism, could you compromise by delaying the vac? I think because the vac and the first noticable signs of autism are around the same age, some people mistakenly believe there is a link. If you delayed it by a year or so, then if your child did display autistic traits, you would know it was nothing to do with the MMR. And presumably, if the child was older their bodies would be more robust and able to deal with the vac anyway?

Kalisi · 16/10/2012 13:48

That's how I ended up doing it. I'm wary of the MMR jab due to personal horror stories that I have heard from people but even so I thought it was important. So I waited until DS was 15 months so he was a little more robust and then had the MMR separated by about three weeks from the other 2 jabs ( They're meant to have 3 at once at 12 months in my area)
Possibly an unnecessary thing to do but atleast he had it done and suffered no adverse effects. Jabs do sometimes have bad side effects you just have to weigh it up though. To me the answer is obvious. There is always a compromise and leaving a child completely unvaccinated should not really be an option.

Original poster

mothermars · 16/10/2012 16:46

Yokel Tue 16-Oct-12 03:57:10
ScarePhyllis puts her finger on it. This is not a vaccination thread. This is a 'my husband is a domineering bully who ignores my wishes wrt our children and won't listen to reason' thread.

Move it to relationships, OP! Then we can all tell you to leave the bastard.

Funny that you know so much about my DH eh? But, as some level headed posters have pointed out, he has his child's best interest at heart, even though it goes against the grain. He is not in anyway bullying me or manipulating me. He thinks he's right, so do I, we can't compromise here, hence, my problem!!

He has said that if I go ahead with it, it is without his backing or support and is against his strong wishes. He has not imprisoned us, threatened me, raised his voice or given me an ultimatum! Please grow up and realise this is two adults in an impossible situation to make the right decision.

If you had strong views that differ with your DP, would that make you a bully???

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 16/10/2012 16:53

But OP it does sound like he won't listen to another point of view. So whilst he may not be a bully his certainty that he knows better than specialists such as doctors and microbiologists, immunologists suggests a great deal of arrogance. Will he not agree to discuss it with a doctor?

Original poster

mothermars · 16/10/2012 17:04

LittleBearPad Not really. Him listening to a GP would be the same to him as reading the news. It wont change his views. We've been to appointments before regarding other things and he has aired his views to professionals regarding vaccinations. What they have had to say hasn't altered his views.

He feels strongly that he is right based on what 'knowledge' he has accumulated over the years. It's not that he thinks 'he is smarter than the GPs' He is a very polite and articulate man. Not a bully. He loves his son. That's what makes this so hard for me to do without his support...

Thank you to a few posters who have offered links to some usful info, and who have understood what my dilemma is even if they think I should vaccinate anyway.

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 16/10/2012 17:21

In which case if you do want to immunise your son you will have to do it regardless of your husband.

Whilst you say he's polite and articulate it doesn't sound if he is open minded. Personally when I listen to the news I use it to inform myself and change my opinion if I'm told new information. Sticking to one viewpoint regardless of what you are told is pretty narrow minded and fairly unintelligent.

If there are any other issues you and he disagree about with regard to your son it may be as we'll to try to resolve them now otherwise this situation will occur time and again as your son grows up.

Just out of interest does he have vaccinations i.e. tetanus or hep a for example if you travel?

Brycie · 16/10/2012 17:34

As to the "even if they think I should vaccinate anyway" I would say, don't do it for other people or other people's children. You have to do it for your child. If you're not happy you have the freedom to delay. In the meantime while you haven't vaccinated you'd need to read up on diseases and be very aware of the early signs, like, I don't know, raised temperature for just about everything and Koplick's spots or something for measles etc, and keep your ear to the ground about outbreaks, let people know you haven't vaccinated (in case they want to avoid you!). Most people shouldn't mind for eg I wouldn't see your children as a threat to mine because mine have been done so really it is yours and his decision. But I really think you should ask him to meet you half way on the singles at least. It's quite a lot he's asking of you - he needs to recognise that YOU want the best for your child as well, he doesn't have exclusivity on that.

Badvoc · 16/10/2012 17:38

He may be polite and articulate but he is also closed minded and ignorant to completely disregard your - very valid - concerns!
The two are not mutually exclusive.
You want the best for your child too, surely?
Perhaps you could go and see a private paed who could talk you through all the issues you may face if you do not vaccinate...
As the poster above said, you will need to be very aware and vigilant about signs and symptoms of measles, mumps and whopping cough etc

Badvoc · 16/10/2012 17:38

Whopping? Whooping, obv...

CelticPromise · 16/10/2012 17:54

I would suggest he reads Bad Science by Ben Goldacre, specifically the chapters on MMR and how to evaluate a paper, then look again at his 'research'.

Assuming (hopefully!) he's not a scientist himself...

Original poster

mothermars · 16/10/2012 18:08

Badvoc Tue 16-Oct-12 17:38:16
He may be polite and articulate but he is also closed minded and ignorant to completely disregard your - very valid - concerns!

He acknowledges my concerns. He knows why I feel so strongly. He just doest agree that my research is factually correct. I have taken the time to hear him out and to be fair, it's hard to completely discredit all that he says because it's some of it can be so bloody convincining. But I know in my heart, that my instincts are correct and that my faith does lie in modern medicine. He has taken time to hear me out, he's looked into statistics and case studies and he still isn't convinced. Because he's knowledge has answers and reasons for what we are told of vaccinations in the media.

I'm not explaining myself well. I can't seem to get in to words what I mean!!

OP posts:

ElaineBenes · 16/10/2012 18:19

I totally know what you mean. The vaccine crankosphere is very persuasive and it's very easy to get sucked in - and they do have an answer for everything, even if it is wrong! I remember reading some stuff and it caused me to have some doubts although further reading of credible sources put my mind at ease.

Ultimately though, if he isn't persuaded by the evidence (even though it's overwhelmingly in favour of vaccine safety!), you are either going to have to reach a compromise, turn to a trusted third party to help you (hopefully a professional) or just do it and face the consequences.

CSIJanner · 21/10/2012 07:58

I delayed my first and will do with my second. But they will have it. I asked around online fore you (remembered you from AIBU) and found the following link

vaccinationdilemma.com/

Hope it helps you make a decision

shyandquiet · 25/10/2012 23:51

When my dd was about to have mmr the hype about how risky it was peaked and I was really scared but one of the mums we knew at the time was a doctor and she took her kids for the mmr without flinching so I just copied as I thought she would be able to weigh up the risks better than me.

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