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Original poster

wwyd...Measles Vacs

190 replies

mothermars · 15/10/2012 23:17

Hi
Not wishing to start a huge debate over vaccinations. But, I have a dilemma!

DH is anti vaccinations. Our DS is due his MMR and I have opted for the singles. I did his other routine jabs (against DH's wishes) and that caused friction like you wouldn't believe. But I felt that it was the right thing and that my DS life was more important than my DHs feelings on the matter.

However, I have concerns with the MMR (single or otherwise). My DH has done years of research, and he feels justified by his findings. He has little faith in our government and (long story short) believes it is meanly a money making scam etc. He said that the contents of the vaccines would shock me. He's also spouted much more 'evidence' that vaccinations potentially can do more harm then good. I've done my research too. And I think the only reason I'm doubting myself now, is because I don't have DHs backing, and to me, this is such a big deal, that I feel I am taking a gamble and I'm unsure what to do.

If two parents have strong views and both think they are right - where is the compromise? The middle ground? Who gets the final say? We usually unite in every other aspect.

I know the majority are pro vaccinations, and will say that I should have final say and do it. But bare in mind , that he truly believes that his research is more valid and less corrupted, so me saying "read x y and z" will not alter his opinion.

Has anyone been in this situation before and what did you do?

Also, does anyone know how I can get hold of the breakdown 'ingredients' in the single measles vacs?

Thank you..

OP posts:
MerseyMama · 16/10/2012 07:31

My baby spent a week in hospital earlier this year with measles and it also resulted in pneumonia, she was too young for the vaccine but caught it from a toddler at nursery who had not been vaccinated. You should get the vaccine for the sake of your child and others.

Brycie · 16/10/2012 07:53

No no no, you only think the husband is a bully because he's wrong. The husband and the OP are the "same", they disagree about something. There is absolutely NOTHING in the OP to indicate bullying or manipulation. It's an argument. And they are equal parents to the child. They have equal rights. You are doing mothermars a disservice if you call it bullying.

And I totally disagree that the only compromise is to keep the child in the house to stay away from childhood diseases. The important thing is to get some vaccines into the child. That way you look at the priority which would be in my view measles, second mumps.

I think anecdotes are always going to be ineffective as well, in fact I don't just think it, I know it. The husband will just say - well look at this child who was vaccine damaged, what about that. I can GUARANTEE it.

FreakySnuckerCupidStunt · 16/10/2012 07:59

I'll bet 'years of research' boils down to, 'years of reading pseudo-scientific lying claptrap.'

The individual vaccines are more of a money making scam than the MMR because the companies earn far more money from selling individual injections then they do the MMR. In fact, companies who sell the individual injections have been caught lying about the MMR and autism to make people want to buy them individually, earning them more money.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/babyjabscouk-to-remove-mmr-autism-claim-8021806.html

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-19163717

There is NO proof that the MMR causes autism, the claims have consistently and constantly been disproved.

www.jennymccarthybodycount.com/Jenny_McCarthy_Body_Count/Home.html

If I were you I would ignore your husbands wishes, the health of you child is much more important than his beliefs on the subject.

brighterfuture · 16/10/2012 08:06

I decided not do mmr when dc wre babies. I vaccinated my 2 ds when they became teens as mumps can cause infertility and I shall do dd for rubella when she is a teen .

Iteotwawki · 16/10/2012 08:10

This isn't a "to vax or not" thread. Nor is it a LTB situation unless there's more backstory that I'm missing.

This is a couple with polarised views on one topic, both of whom feel equally strongly that their opinion is what is in the best interest of the child.

If her DH were to post "my DW wants to put my child through a medical procedure that I don't think is necessary or warranted but I believe may cause serious harm" would we be crying "leave her & protect your child"?

I should repeat - I am pro vax, pro herd immunity and have had my children vaxed with everything offered including mmr.

I think if you want to do something to your kids that their other parent absolutely does not want done you have to find a way to make it acceptable.

Given it's your son, measles is the priority. Would your dh accept a single measles jab with delay on mumps / rubella? Mumps is the next important one (can cause infertility in males) and as has been said, rubella last if at all.

Oh - example not involving vaccines.

Suppose it was "cultural" for DS to be circumcised (many claimed health benefits) on his mother's side but the father was adamant he didn't want unnecessary surgery on his son? Suppose the mother wanted her daughter's ears pierced but the father didn't? Or even more controversial - supposing the mother consented to a blood transfusion and the father didn't?

All examples where parents can hold polar opposite views but still believe wholeheartedly that they have the best interests of their child first and foremost.

Brycie · 16/10/2012 08:13

I completely agree with you Iteo.

I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but is it possible this poster has asked this question for the purposes of writing a newspaper article? Mothermars I do do apologise if I'm wrong but it seems so "neat" and exactly the sort of thing that Femail or some such would have a go at.

Please slap me down if I'm wrong.

1charlie1 · 16/10/2012 08:23

Here is a very interesting article about herd immunity, written by a medical doctor:

www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/herd-immunity-flawed-science-and-mass-vaccination-failures

The most interesting material concerns the fact that the antibodies which arise in the body as a response to immunisation are vastly inferior to the antibodies which are created by the body in response to 'genuine' illness. Vaccine immunity will not transfer across the placenta from mother to baby during pregnancy.
I am very grateful that I was not vaccinated against measles as a child (no-one I know was, I don't think the vaccine was around then). I had measles when I was 6, and will therefore be able to pass my natural protective antibodies to my own baby in utero.

1charlie1 · 16/10/2012 08:26

I just realised that my post was irrelevant to the question posed by the OP. Sorry! I'm not sure what I would do... sorry again about irrelevancy.

UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername · 16/10/2012 08:28

A friend of mine went from anti-vaccine to pro-vaccine when his DD got cancer at 2 years old.

Because she had chemotherapy as part of her recovery process, she is now unable to have any vaccines and is at risk from every other child she comes into contact with.

The particular type of cancer she got is as rare as hens' teeth, but its still statistically far more likely than getting vaccine damage.

And shame on the poster last night that said it's a 0.1% chance of getting vaccine damage.
It's far, far, far smaller than that.

Badvoc · 16/10/2012 08:34

So your dh has read some papers online re vaccines and thinks he is an expert?
Beware google.
Seriously.
He sounds like a conspiracy theroirst moron.

amyboo · 16/10/2012 08:34

Thankfully I live in a country where a vaccination certificate is obligatory before children are allowed to start school. People like your DH are irresponsible and ignorant. Wouuld he rather your DS contracted measles? Seriously. I can't believe anyone would ever not vaccinate a child. Madness.

Badvoc · 16/10/2012 08:35

Oh and vaccine damage does occur btw.
But the risk is so tiny as to be negligible.

Badvoc · 16/10/2012 08:37

I read a really sad article by tessa Dahl a few weeks ago.
Her eldest sister died of measles and it destroyed her and her family.
Her father Roald Dahl never got over the loss.

Iteotwawki · 16/10/2012 08:37

1charlie1 - IgG from vaccination will cross the placenta as easily as IgG from infection. Your "natural" antibodies will protect your baby for 4-6 months at which point it's own immune system will have to kick in - and your child will have to generate its own immunity either from infection or vaccination.

That was written by a medical doctor too.

Brycie · 16/10/2012 08:38

Tell you what mothermars why don't you tell him he's an insane, ignorant, irresponsible moron. That'll help things along no end and he'll change his mind in no time.

Or maybe not.

KenLeeeeeee · 16/10/2012 08:46

How to resolve an issue like this where two people are conflicted in their very deeply held beliefs? Contact a third party who is properly qualified to examine the finer details of the matter and provide an objective point of view.

Can you get in touch with your nearest university and speak to a Medical Microbiologist? This will be someone who isn't part of the healthcare system, so to speak, but will be very, very highly qualified to explain exactly what is in the vaccinations, what the pathogens they immunise against can do, and all possible side effects of the jabs.

Personally, after studying measles for part of my degree, there is no way on earth I would not give my kids the MMR. It is a devastating illness, regaining prevalence because of hysteria on the internet attempting to refute the peer-reviewed, evidence-based medicine.

Badvoc · 16/10/2012 08:47

Hysteria is right ken.
Great post and good point re third party.

Pagwatch · 16/10/2012 08:49

I agree with Iteo

The issue is about two parents who hold opposing views about how best to protect their child.

Finding a way to reach a compromise is, as in most parenting situations, the only way to go that deals with the child's health but does not create a rift in their relationship.
Viewing him as wrong is valid. Calling him a bully and a moron is just being a bit of a mouthy twat on the Internet and doesn't help the op at all.

Op, assuming he is aware of your valid concerns, would he sit down with someone who could answer questions and talk through the issues and the options. Do you have a good GP? Would he make an appointment with you to at least air all your concerns?

My dc have not had many vaccinations and, when you have genuine concerns about vaccinating your child it is scary and easy to become defensive. I suspect trying to battle it out will just make both of you really anxious and increasingly hostile. Perhaps neutral ground and someone to give the conversation a calm structure would help?

Good luck. It must be difficult.

Pagwatch · 16/10/2012 08:50

X-posted with Ken Smile

NumericalMum · 16/10/2012 09:01

I am fairly sure something like this wouldn't come up in my marriage as I wouldn't have had a child with someone with such ludicrous views. Given you can't send your children back in this situation I would have to give the vaccine as if my child caught measles and died I would never forgive myself. Ever. Some things are not worth taking a risk over.

UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername · 16/10/2012 09:11

1charlie1

The most interesting material concerns the fact that the antibodies which arise in the body as a response to immunisation are vastly inferior to the antibodies which are created by the body in response to 'genuine' illness.

That may be the case, but the subject is also far, far, far likelier to suffer permanent damage or death from the genuine illness than they are from the vaccine to protect them against that illness.

MrsHoarder · 16/10/2012 09:41

Because somone else has mentioned Roald Dahl, www.blacktriangle.org/blog/?p=715 this explains what its like to see your child die from measles.

Not because I think th OP doesn't know, but because her DH needs to know what the potential consequences of his choices could be.

monkeysbignuts · 16/10/2012 09:48

what about just getting measles and mumps?
at least you are protecting your son against measles which is a killer and mumps which makes boys infertile?
What reasons is he so against mmr or single vacs? Most people don't agree with mmr but are happy to have singles

monkeysbignuts · 16/10/2012 09:52

mrshoarder just read your link and cried :(