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Original poster

wwyd...Measles Vacs

190 replies

mothermars · 15/10/2012 23:17

Hi
Not wishing to start a huge debate over vaccinations. But, I have a dilemma!

DH is anti vaccinations. Our DS is due his MMR and I have opted for the singles. I did his other routine jabs (against DH's wishes) and that caused friction like you wouldn't believe. But I felt that it was the right thing and that my DS life was more important than my DHs feelings on the matter.

However, I have concerns with the MMR (single or otherwise). My DH has done years of research, and he feels justified by his findings. He has little faith in our government and (long story short) believes it is meanly a money making scam etc. He said that the contents of the vaccines would shock me. He's also spouted much more 'evidence' that vaccinations potentially can do more harm then good. I've done my research too. And I think the only reason I'm doubting myself now, is because I don't have DHs backing, and to me, this is such a big deal, that I feel I am taking a gamble and I'm unsure what to do.

If two parents have strong views and both think they are right - where is the compromise? The middle ground? Who gets the final say? We usually unite in every other aspect.

I know the majority are pro vaccinations, and will say that I should have final say and do it. But bare in mind , that he truly believes that his research is more valid and less corrupted, so me saying "read x y and z" will not alter his opinion.

Has anyone been in this situation before and what did you do?

Also, does anyone know how I can get hold of the breakdown 'ingredients' in the single measles vacs?

Thank you..

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2012 00:19

OK, if you want to know who wins in this case... the person who is statistically more likely to protect their children. The vaccine damage stats are there to see, the deaths and damage from childhood diseases are too. Massively more damage from diseases, you win. Vaccinate.

Tincletoes · 16/10/2012 00:20

Seriously, what are his arguments? It really might help if the other side to those arguments could be presented.

Tincletoes · 16/10/2012 00:22

And single jab places are usually very happy to give you an ingredients list - my DCs have been immunised against chicken pox and the clinic went through the whole list

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/10/2012 00:22

If its a reputable clinic, they will be able to give you information about the vaccines they use which your DH could research individually. Has he done that already? Will you be obliged to have all three vaccines if you use them?

ScarahStratton · 16/10/2012 00:22

What exactly is there to be conflicted with? Either you believe what your DH says, in which case your mind is already made up. Or you don't, in which case you know exactly what is the right thing to do.

There are absolutely no circumstances that I would put my partner's feelings and wishes ahead of the health of my children. None.

Like UD, I too find it difficult to believe that there are still people who believe this stuff.

Original poster
mothermars · 16/10/2012 00:22

UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername- not the same really, considering 'Mr Mars' thinks he is doing the best for his kids, regardless of whether it is in fact the best thing! He loves his ds, that is why we are disagreeing.

As I've mentioned I wanted to opt for singles. I just feel less confident without his backing.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 16/10/2012 00:23

You know, of course, that anything bad at all that happens to the DCs for the rest of their lives (possibly including broken limbs!) will all be blamed on the vaccine, for ever after. But he'll still be wrong.

LilQueenie · 16/10/2012 00:23

www.cdc.gov/vaccines/parents/vaccine-decision/ingredients.html here it is from the centers of disease control and prevention. Best I can find that is an actual official website.

ScarahStratton · 16/10/2012 00:24

My dad used to think he was doing the best for his kids when he hit us. Discipline, you know. Army bloke etc &.

I'm off, just get a grip and do it.

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 16/10/2012 00:25

Little different from our situation

I wanted ds to have single jabs, his dad (we not together but make decisions together) thought this was not necessary as the doctor said it wasn't (nothing to do with costs). I thought it was as ds had ended up in hospital after all his combined jabs.. He did again :( I wish we had gone for singles but both of us had been scared away from doing so for some i believe it is the right option

Its difficult but is our dh dead against single jabs too

netbook · 16/10/2012 00:25

Mothermars, I too have a dp who can be difficult once his mind is made up, it's very frustrating when i dont have a good enough argument to change his mind. Especially when it's something important to me.

I would tell him to get his own login to mumsnet and send him in the direction of the vaccinations board, there will be plenty of posters willing to get into a debate with him. Good luck!

Original poster
mothermars · 16/10/2012 00:25

LilQueenie Thank you for your helpful post. It just feels wrong going through with something when we are not united over it. Would be ever so grateful if you do find that list... I've searched for ages with no luck!

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/10/2012 00:25

When you both think you are right about your childrens health you go with the medically proven advice.

Why is this horrible and unhelpful?

That isn't. But that's not the only thing that's been said, is it?

OP is clearly in a situation she is finding difficult, it's not helpful to keep reiterating things she knows, or to call her DH names. This man is the child's father, and he is entitled to his opinion.

arghhhmiddleage · 16/10/2012 00:27

What were you hoping for from this thread? You appear to want no rational discussion about vaccination, whilst also wanting us to tell you who should "win". Were you expecting a mass coin tossing exercise?

It's hard not to conclude that your motivation was to stir up an argument.

Tincletoes · 16/10/2012 00:27

Which clinic are you planning to use?

Original poster
mothermars · 16/10/2012 00:28

Tincletoes - thats good to know. Thanks. Will contact the clinic tomorrow.

Just like my DH has an answer to all my research, some poster on here will have an answer to all DH research. I wouldn't know where to start!!

OP posts:
MakeItALarge · 16/10/2012 00:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilQueenie · 16/10/2012 00:34

Who knows whats in the jab? The medical proffesionals. The ones who will be vaccinating your ds. They dont do it to make money its to save lives.

except when they deny patients life saving treatment because it costs too much Hmm

EchoBitch · 16/10/2012 00:34

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_vaccine_ingredients

Sorry it's wikipedia.

ScarahStratton · 16/10/2012 00:34

Do you not see that coming on a forum and asking a bunch of random strangers to back up your argument makes your argument as valid as your DH's?

You need to speak to your GP, your HV, your practise nurse. Your DH needs to speak to your GP, your HV, your practise nurse. With an open mind.

There is nothing anyone can say on here that will validate either arguments, because we are just words on a screen.

ScarahStratton · 16/10/2012 00:36

Actually Make, I too would walk out on a partner trying to prevent me vaccinating our DC.

ElaineBenes · 16/10/2012 00:39

I think you and your dh need to ask your gp to refer you to a paeditatric immunologist, even if you have to pay to go privately. Then your dh can raise all his concerns with a professional trained in this exact field and you can, hopefully, make an informed decision together.

If he refuses, then take your ds to get vaccinated. If you are going to go against medical advice for your children, you shouldnt rely on the university of google.

MakeItALarge · 16/10/2012 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mothermars · 16/10/2012 00:48

arghhhmiddleage Tue 16-Oct-12 00:27:03
What were you hoping for from this thread? You appear to want no rational discussion about vaccination, whilst also wanting us to tell you who should "win". Were you expecting a mass coin tossing exercise?

It's hard not to conclude that your motivation was to stir up an argument

.

Actually, I was hoping to get some advice from grown ups on my original post and ideally, stories of people in similar situations that could offer me advice. I fully expected the mass to be outraged, but my post was never about peoples view on vaccinations! It was more of a moral issue, when two parents that love their child, have strong dividing views. It;s just turned into a pointless mudslinging match.

I've not once said I am against vaccinating. So you saying that I am against rational discussion regarding vaccinating is neither here nor there. That wasn't what my post was about!!

OP posts:
JustSpidero · 16/10/2012 00:52

The thing is that GP's get paid a bonus for every child that gets the triple jab (or they used to at any rate). HV's and any other medical professionals are not allowed to advise anything other than the triple jab.

There is no 'open mind' on the part of the Government or the HCP's employed by them.

If the 'powers that be' insist on infantilising the parents that have to make these choices, refusing to discuss or provide any, let alone adequate information, or support those whose circumstances and therefore choices may be different to 'the norm' it is hardly surprising that some people, like the OP's DH, think Hmm and question their motives and reasoning.

FWIW When my DD was vaccinated 6/7 years ago, I never once considered not vaccinating her at all - it was always going to be either triple or separate jabs. We went for separate ones because, whilst I've no doubt that for 99.9% of children the MMR is perfectly safe, I was not willing to risk putting my DD in the 0.1%. I will freely admit that the likelihood is she would have been absolutely fine, but personally I knew I would not have been able to live with myself had she not been.

I think the government's unwillingness to realise that people are individuals who are entitled to form their own opinions and make their own choices regarding the health of their children is as much to blame for the reduced uptake in the triple jab and consequent rise in these illnesses as any scaremongering by Andrew Wakefield et al.