Dear Benedict
Modest though you are, I am sure that the result of last night's award ceremonies must have been a disappointment to you.
May I offer an alternative? Pop round to Chez Addict, where I will be more than happy to present you with TheAddict's Award for The Person She Would Most Like To Shag Against The Fridge.
You have also been nominated for TheAddict's Awards for the following categories:
The Person Whom TheAddict Would Most Like To Shag:
a) Tied To The Bed Post
b) Behind The Potting Shed
c) On The Floor
d) In Her Stationery Cupboard
e) Halfway Up The Stairs
f) Dressed As Martin Crieff (you, not me)
and any others you could care to name. The dining room table springs to mind.
I hasten to add that there are no other contenders for these awards, although a lengthy practical demonstration of your skills will be required for each and every category.
That'll cure your jet-lag, sweetheart.
Pantingly yours and covered in whipped cream
TheAddict