I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

No questions as I’ve been in the lifestyle myself - fair play to you for posting this. I’m sure a lot of people will have genuine questions. Sad to see the amount of judgment and misconceptions x

And what an exciting town it sounds, everyone clearly has lots to occupy them.

So you heard a rumour. How do you know it's true?

😂

I think OP has gone because of the tantrum throwing and general behaviour. Some of you make me think of the women who used to attend public hangings; sitting at the front with their knitting. Utterly pathetic.

This could have been interesting but people’s desire to tell the OP off has killed it. It’s clear lots of people swing, she’s not alone in this, but the pile on decided to treat her as a punch bag. She probably gets a lot more respect from swingers than she got here, and yet people are telling her that swinging is the toxic environment.

'is your mouth and vagina a mess after a swinging party? I would think giving multiplemen oral sex while having PIV simultaneously or soon after would leave you ragged.'

And as for this absolute delight @Lavenderandbrown

How can you know so little about women's bodies? You're either one of those women who have never been shagged properly or a nasty little man no woman will touch.

Have a Google or pick up a book.

I thought it was upside down pineapples nowadays, or something to do with pineapples anyway. I had no idea, but I have some pineapple ornaments in a 1930’s themed room and someone jokingly asked if I was a swinger because it’s apparently the new tell!🤷‍♀️

I think there is much more to swinging than sex. I think in some cases it’s about a persons desire to be admired and to be seen to be desired. And every person I’ve known who is into this lifestyle is emotionally immature.

The problem comes when / if one person in the couple decides they don’t want to do it anymore.

One of my exes was into it but he was not really attracted to these people - he admitted that it was because he wasn’t popular at school and he had a desire to feel popular. He destroyed his marriage as a result.

I think it's a good point. @AMA097155is constantly in that situation - men are giving her attention and finding her desirable. It's a transaction, but maybe it is fulfilling another sort of need. Anyway, I hope she stays safe, it can be risky

What do you get from this, @AMA097155?
If you had to stop tomorrow, how would you feel?

Thanks for posting this link.
I listened to it last night.
It was very disturbing.
I'd only heard of Fabswingers because of the mentions it gets in various MN threads so this was quite revelatory.

Over the past few days I'd been reading about the Cornell University gang rape and I found some of the discussion in the Swingers programme very helpful in explaining the initial reaction of the victim of that crime. Quite a few people are accusing her of raising the current action because she regrets what happened rather than actually being a victim of rape. Some of the messages she sent are being treated as evidence of this so the discussion in the Swingers programme was very pertinent and helpful.

This 100%. OP doesn't care if she orgasms or not as it's not about that, it's about wanting to feel wanted/desired by men. And usually that comes from a place of trauma, abandonment or low self esteem.

The reason there are a lot of these posts, I think, is because it also fulfils a need in the OP, that strangers on the internet are impressed at how so very attractive the OP is. When these threads inevitably get filled up with people who are revolted by it and see it for the sordid, sad thing it is the OP disappears. They don't actually want to answer questions or clear up misunderstandings, they want attention and admiration, and when they realise very few people are impressed and most realise it is a sign something isn't quite right in someone's psyche, that shatters the illusion.

Is it? Or is it her husband has a cuckold fantasy and she was only 25 when she got into this and went along with it to keep him,

Exactly this.

It could be. Plus a need for attention and to be validated? Perhaps she thinks she's cool, and people on this thread will admire her?
She has a husband and children, it's not enough. Perhaps there's something there to explore.

Yes because women feel no lust nor sexual desire and the only reason one wants multiple partners is because of trauma, what else can it be?

Internalised misoginy is alive and kicking on MN, this thread is a perfect example.

I wonder why do the "vanilla sex and monogamous" crowd gets so threatened with swingers, BDSM folk etc...

I can't understand the anger and vitriol on here at all. I can understand people being disapproving, but why angry?

Are you split new to MN?

Sanctimony, competitive outrage, and haughty moralising makes up about 95% of the replies to any OP on here. It's practically MN's entire USP these days.

Oh for goodness sake. Where ISNT there a thread on these boards where people strongly disagree. Ever been on a thread about politics and benefits ? It could have been interesting? How exactly. She shags men at parties and has a FWB too. How much mileage can you get out of that exactly ?

Pretty sure there's plenty of people who aren't swingers who don't have vanilla sex. There are also plenty of people who aren't monogamous who aren't swingers.

Yes, absolutely! Somewhat wild claims!

355 comments so far including yours, it seems. And counting.

If it’s so great why doesn’t everyone you know know about this?

Yes it is disgusting. I don’t think swinging is that vile actually. Would I ever do it? No. For me the whole it started young (so you were that dissatisfied with your marriage that this was the only option?) and then carrying on when you had kids. Did you do this when you were pregnant? What about if your kids ever find out or if it somehow gets out into their school life? I really do feel sorry for your kids, what an absolute head fuck for them.

An ex best friend of mine (was heterosexual now a lesbian) told me about group swinging parties she went to when we were in her car (so I had to listen to her). Same as when she had her first lesbian girlfriend and she rang me to say she was sniffing coke off her girlfriend’s stomach. Both shock value stuff designed to shock me.

I do agree with pp, why the f are you (OP) posting about this on a family friendly forum. It smacks of wanting validation from others and being a cool girl. Why on earth you’d want people to be interested in this is beyond me.

I’ve worked for divorce lawyers in the past, and trust me, in a few years, your husband, if he has any sense will divorce you.

Fair enough, so what gives them the right to tell the OP "the way I conduct my sex life is right and yours is wrong"? It's ok if she shags her neighbour but if she does it infront of her husband she's doing it just to satisfy HIS fantasies because apparently women are not autonomous creatures with fantasies and 'deviant' sexual desires of our own?

I think it's completely hilarious that you've decided what my lifestyle is. You don't know the first thing about me. Things don't have to be "swingers " v "vanilla sex " as you put in in another thread. People aren't necessarily monogamous or vanilla just because they aren't on swinging sites.

I have no idea about your lifestyle, all I know is you're incredibly judgemental of others lifestyles.