My 2 kids go to boarding school, AMA

[happylady1982]

My kids are 14 and 16, they both go to boarding school. Weekly boarding. This means they come home every weekend, and during the half terms and the major holidays too (Christmas, easter, summer).

Right now it's the summer holidays so they are home.

I wanted to do an AMA cause I think people still have negative stereotypes about boarding school.

My dc get home from school around 4pm, maybe 5 if there's sports on.
Coming home at 7 is not the norm. That's a choice you made when you chose the school, and where your home is.

Not schools that my children want to go to

I'll be honest here, it was never part of my parenting dream to only see my DC at the weekend - even if it is every weekend.

Sure. But they are happier boarding cause their schedule is more relaxed

The independent school terms are so short, that even spending 4 nights away during termtime the OP’s kids probably spend more of their overall awake time at home than state school children do.

They wanted to go to this school. The other private schools near us weren't right for my family. And the state run schools were not an option because my kids did not want to go to a state run school.

And we don't want to move because moving would mean living in an area that our family does not like. Where we live now is perfect, the kids are never bored when they are home because of where we live

Well, you know what they say about people who make assumptions... 🙄

It's clear from the OP's previous posts that her children are very important to her and her decision was made carefully with the input of her children. It's a far cry from kids being dumped at remote boarding schools never to hear from their parents again a la Winston Churchill. Perhaps you didn't bother to read what she'd already said?

So you think your children have friends from very different financial situations but they have always been privately educated?

Oh that’s a cheap boarding school!!! Mine are day but it’s about 65k each fir boarding.

My point was that you gave them a very limited “choice” to make. You could have said - we are moving house to be closer to a suitable school.

So you spend a third of your joint income on DCs’ schooling. I find that bonkers! I would’ve thought you’d be eating around 500k PA between you.

This post was always going to attract the Super mums and plenty of attacking of OP. We are all different as are our DC this won't work for so many but for so many it does work. Each to their own. OP sounds to me like she has the best interest of her DC as priority and her DC are happy as a result, If I could and I thought it best for my DC I would 100% send them.

Shocking news but kids can make friends outside of school hours!

It sounds like the challenging circumstances that you end up with after divorce and family life becomes a juggling act, with lots of compromises. It seems amazing for people to actively choose this.

Indeed and I am in that situation!

Why are tight schedules the definition of family life? Our life isn’t ruled by tight schedules.

How far did they travel to their primary school and is it connected to their current school, as all their friends went there?

I don’t think children are capable of making decisions like that because they are children and they don’t understand the long-term risks and potential harms as documented in those links

And as mentioned, the Op could of course move closer to a nicer school they would have a high-quality relationship with their children and it would cost this money.

But there is no accounting for taste

Where have they got the idea they all the other schools aren't for them? How did they know that at age 11?

This is what I mean about the fudging going on here. As if the first DC to reach 11 knew that there were no other schools in a 90min radius that they'd want to go to so the only choice open to them was a 5.30am-7pm commute to school, or boarding. Come on now. No point doing AMA and not being honest. You wanted them to go to this school. You wouldn't countenance other options for some reason. Maybe that's just how people who make these decisions think. As evidenced in that recent post by the indie school teacher:

As a teacher in an independent school, I can attest that the demands on children as they get older in terms of homework and extracurricular activities, coupled with often 1h + commutes to and from school, make them absolutely exhausted. They have very little 'quality' time at home in the evenings - most don't get home until 6 or 7pm if they've done an activity after school, then it's a quick dinner, a couple of hours of homework, then bed, before the whole routine begins again. Hardly time for lots of cosy chats and cuddles with mum and dad.

Sounds shit, but then the choice isn't have a shit time being utterly exhausted as a day pupil or board. Go to another school that doesn't treat kids like this and then they can have quality time with parents and an education. Crazy but true!

The Dh takes home 200k, op takes home 80k and fees are 90K? I just cannot imagine spending a third of our household income on school fees.

They are young and reliant on us for such a short time. Uni is early enough to be living away from home imo. I could not imagine being a weekend parent to young kids.

Their primary school was only a 15 minute drive away from our house. And no, it’s not connected to their current but a lot of the parents decided that the school my kids are at now was the best senior school because the place was fairly similar to my kids primary school in terms of day to day structure

Well of course it’s for people who went to boarding school decades ago because the problems only come out when they are adults that’s the entire point so the problems don’t come out so much now when they are children but they do when they are 30 or 35 or 40

good lord.

Why have you outsourced your parenting responsibilities onto strangers?

Especially during your children's teenage years. Which can be extremely difficult to navigate. For both parent and child.

And the state run schools were not an option because my kids did not want to go to a state run school.

They must be very advanced children to have been able to consider all of the many wider pros and cons and to determine their preferred broad course for education provision that worked best for their own particular needs.

Or have they just been brought up to automatically get the ick when they think about the ghastly ordinary oiks and their inferior lives?

During the British Raj, children would be sent to boarding school in England and wouldn’t see their parents for years. Very hard to imagine now.