My 2 kids go to boarding school, AMA

[happylady1982]

My kids are 14 and 16, they both go to boarding school. Weekly boarding. This means they come home every weekend, and during the half terms and the major holidays too (Christmas, easter, summer).

Right now it's the summer holidays so they are home.

I wanted to do an AMA cause I think people still have negative stereotypes about boarding school.

Do you ever worry how it may affect them being surrounded in the vast majority by incredibly wealthy kids?

A lad at my uni rocked up and he'd been on the lower end wealth wise at a private school. He thought his family were genuinely poor (his words) They had a 5 bed house in Surrey, a swimming pool and 3 cars 🤣🤣

Because we like where we live. The kids love where we live. The house is great. We live close to family. Moving closer to their school would be miserable for everybody

what happens in the many weeks of holidays in terms of your work? How are you able to focus on your career then? Also what do they do in the long holidays? Aren’t they bored?

Do you worry about attachment and if they will have issues or blame you in the future? Do you feel you are missing out on them?

They love it at their boarding school!

My daughter just did her GCSEs, she is expected to get grade 7 or grade 8 for most subjects.

Yes they have friends who have a very different financial situation. They didn't go to boarding school until they were 11 so a lot of their childhood friends are still their friends to this day

Does the school have robust safeguarding measures in regards to peer on peer abuse? That would be my primary concern about boarding school.

Is your house tidy?

Do your children appreciate you / the quality time with you?

My eldest would have thrived at a weekly boarding school. His state school linked up with one for DofE and he saw the difference in facilities and support.

Of course I worry. But they call me every day, if something if bothering them then we will have a conversation

They have friends and family who aren't wealthy! So no, I'm not worried

What are you thoughts about the research evidence of the link between children that go to boarding school and later life mental health problems? (Eg emotional attachment problems, relationship issues, higher rate of divorce, depression, perfectionism and high achievement leading to burn out etc)

For longer holidays I try my best to not have work during that time. Since my career is in film and TV, it depends if I am working on a project during the holifays. But my work hours are usually fairly decent considering my career.

But the kids don't live where you live - they only have weekends and holidays there; it isn't their (main) home.

How will you feel if neither of them use their education as adults?

I couldn’t justify not seeing my children every evening before bed just because I thought it would be too much effort for them to come home and have homework to do.

They are children just once and you are missing out on so much. Those evening meals together, the spontaneous walks when the evenings are suddenly longer, the bedtime chats and cuddles. I just couldn’t do it.

They can still learn to be independent and confident whilst coming home from school every evening.

I'm not worried. My kids go to a great school. And they wanted to go to boarding school school so it's not like I'm sending them off to boarding school when they want to stay home. This is their choice

I always wondered how this worked with things my parents did for me like pocket money. The boarders I knew always seemed to have plenty of money. Does the school choose to give the same amount to every boarder to prevent jealousy and that's incorporated into the fees or do you give a lump sum to the school and ask to give it to your child every week/month over the course of the year.

I will support them no matter what career path they choose. As long as they are good people I will be proud of them

They can want to go but that doesn’t mean they understand what effect it’s having/going to have on them.

Most kids would want to stay up until midnight eating ice cream if they were asked, it doesn’t mean it’s good for them.

How long are the school days? Lots of ordinary school children find that they spend a lot of their day at school and doing homework, but they have precious time with their families as they get ready in the mornings, are accompanied to and from school (depending on age), some chill time, time to talk and share what has made them happy and raise any worries, then their evening meal, and maybe help with their homework, before going to sleep for the night, still surrounded by their families.

Your 11 year old wanted to leave home
Why are you so proud of this?

Were you or your husband privately educated?

If children actively choose to board, they are probably a lot happier than some children who have no choice in going.

If you lived closer to the school so that it wouldn't be such a long day for them to go as day pupils, would they still want to board? Would you still be happy for them to?

How do the kids/you manage without daily cuddles? My DD is 12 and a quick hug makes all the difference for her (and me!)

Sure. But boarding school isn't bad for them. I have prioritised their happiness