My 2 kids go to boarding school, AMA

[happylady1982]

My kids are 14 and 16, they both go to boarding school. Weekly boarding. This means they come home every weekend, and during the half terms and the major holidays too (Christmas, easter, summer).

Right now it's the summer holidays so they are home.

I wanted to do an AMA cause I think people still have negative stereotypes about boarding school.

Absolutely not. What is there to be jealous of?

Kids who don't go to boarding schools can thrive and achieve success too. Why would I choose to put my DC though this? For what?

Why did you have kids if you don't want to spend time with them?

Do you worry about the emotional neglect of your children?

Are children there just to be educated?

Do you think you have a healthy home / work life balance?

Do you think you will regret not parenting your own children and just employing some to do it for you because work is more important?

Do you look down on people who want to parent their own children rather than outsource?

My parents went to boarding school. One loved. One hated. Both are emotionally stunted and honestly it's definitely affected me in a negative way.

I don't care how great the opportunity is, there's a cat in hells chance I'd ever have let DS go to boarding school for ANY reason.

Somethings are more important that formalised education. The life skill of being in a family environment is an absolutely huge one.

Both my parents were emotionally neglected. Their experiences were very different but the same overall themes run through it.

What does a typical weekend look like in your family?
Do your children have hobbies that they do at weekends or is everything that they are interested in catered for at school? Do they participate in any clubs etc with children who don't go to their school?
Do they have friends who live locally or are their friends spread far and wide, and if it's the latter, do they see much of their friends at weekends and in the holidays?

Christ are you for real? 🤣🤣 Your own inflammatory language comes across as seriously derogatory and sneery to teachers and generally all people in lower paid professions.

Why would they be disappointed in getting very good grades???

"Why did you have kids if you don't want to spend time with them?" She does spend time with them.... At the weekends and on the phone. Tons of teenagers in day/state schools disappear off with their friends/to their rooms/at clubs all evening...
There loads of parents working stupid hours (especially when it's high earner like OP) ... Often working 60+ hours a week and kids with nannies/childcare... Out of house at 6:30, back by 7:30 etc

Plus you do have a LOT of dad's I particular that only see their kids for 3 hours on a Wednesday and every other weekend.

She probably sees as much of her kids as others do 🤷🤷

No... She said that "All their friends who were going to the school were boarding" Not "all of their friends were boarding"

eg if they have 10 friends from school, clubs, neighbours... And 6 of their friends are going to the school, and all 6 are boarding. She doesn't mean the kids only have friends at school..

Not read whole thread, What's the routine at boarding school like? Is it dormatories? Food? If they changed there mind or didn't like it to begin with would you of taken them out

They wake up at like 7am, my kids tend to wake up earlier, breakfast is at 7:45, they have morning registration, tutor or assembly, then they have lessons. After lessons they either play sports or do homework. They are usually finished with sports and homework by like 5:30pm. Dinner is at 6pm. Then they have the rest of the evenings to do what they want, until like 9:30 which is when everybody has to return to their boarding house for bed.

My kids say the food is really nice. And yes, if they ever decided they hate boarding school then I would have let them stop boarding or change school :)

My DD announced at 11 she wanted to pursue ballet as a career. She's now a classically trained ballerina so yes some kids do know what they want at 11.

Well, yeah, but you've described some pretty low-bar stuff there, not things that are to be aspired to...

On the weekend my kids are usually ready to just relax after a week of school. So they prefer to have relaxing weekends, spending time with me and their dad. Although, they do sometimes invite friends over or go and hang out with friends, but those friends are the friends who go to a different school than them.

During summer holidays, easter, christmas or even half terms they spend a lot more time going out to hang out with friends (non-school friends and school friends). They have a lot of friends here where we live, and a lot of their best friends from boarding school live nearby because they all went to the same primary school. But obviously over the years they have become friends with more people at boarding school, those friends tend to live quite far away.

Why did you start this OP?

It's really not that unusual.

Having taught in a boarding school that also had day pupils and weekly boarders I'm just puzzled why you think it's worth posting about.

I also have former partner who boarded from 7 to 19.

I mean this genuinely- why?

Also...I've mentioned many times that if they hated boarding school then they would stop boarding. But my kids absolutely love it there, my daughter just finished her GCSES and she is hoping she can stay at her boarding school for sixth form. Depends on her results. If my son said to me tomorrow that in September he doesn't want to go back to boarding, then he wouldn't go back to boarding.

Having read the Naughtiest Girl in the School books by Enid Blyton, I always thought boarding school sounded like great fun as a child.

As a parent though, I'd be devastated to know that at the tender age of 11, my children had so little attachment to me and their father that they were perfectly happy to just not see us for five days out of every seven.

Did they spend a lot of time in nursery and after school care growing up?

People post for validation. They know outsourcing care of their young kids in return for extra curricular activities/sports trophies is a weird trade off but if they tell themselves enough times it's in their best interests it allows them to get on with their day.

Young kids need the security and stability of family life. Not extra curricular activities and weekend parenting.

I really disagree with this. It might not be unusual in your circle but I have literally never known anyone who went to boarding school or sent their kids there.

I did ask DD if she still wanted to carry on many times. Some people really do know what they want, this is very much her.

Which part? Because I said it doesn’t pay enough for me? It doesn’t. I pursued the career I have now for good reason. Have I said anything nasty towards teachers? Many of my friends are teachers and are brilliant, it’s just a job that isn’t for me. I don’t recall saying anything more than that. I certainly haven’t sneered.

Perhaps posters could take the same approach to OP and manage to articulate how weekly boarding would not suit their family without throwing around hyperbole like “abandoning” “sending them away” “put them through this” “emotional neglect”

Any sensible reading of the OP’s answers in this thread show that none of this language actually reflects the reality of the situation.

Thank you for replying. I only ask because I know someone who was in this situation, sent away to boarding school from 7, through the rest of their school life. Admittedly they have reached a very high level academically but apart from that it was a really bad experience for them. I could never comprehend even thinking about doing something like this. Admittedly this was many decades ago, but even so!

Talk of boarding schools always makes me think of the Naughtiest Girl books too! Presumably things like tuck boxes and midnight feasts died a death round about the same time Enid did (along with 20p a week pocket money as per the older editions of the books 😄), but it always sounded rather more jolly than I tend to imagine it in reality.

Of course it is unusual. By numbers of children across the country alone, yes it’s unusual

The other half’s version of social care. Congratulations 👏.

I do spend time with my kids. All the time lol. Then again, if they were day students they would come home, do homework, eat dinner go to bed. I would have to work still (I would work less hours but still). My husband would still have to work. So either way, our quality time as a family would only happen on the weekends anyways. My kids come home every Friday evening, I don't work on Fridays, my husband has an agreement with his boss that he works half days on Friday if he works extra hours on Thursdays. The kids school ends early on Fridays for weekly boarders. So me, my husband and my kids have all weekend where we spend quality time together as a family.

My children aren't emotionally neglected

My children go to their specifc schools because of the extra curricular activities options.

I would say during the week my life is majority about work. But I always take time off work whenever my kids are off school, if I can. I work in the film and TV industry so I prefer to work on shorter projects because my kids tend to have a break from school every few weeks at this point 🤣.

I do parent my own children. Work isn't more important, I started working my job because my kids went to boarding school and I needed to keep busy to stop myself being upset so my 9-5 job wasn't a good job for me anymore. So I pursued my hobbies in the film and TV industry.