My 2 kids go to boarding school, AMA

[happylady1982]

My kids are 14 and 16, they both go to boarding school. Weekly boarding. This means they come home every weekend, and during the half terms and the major holidays too (Christmas, easter, summer).

Right now it's the summer holidays so they are home.

I wanted to do an AMA cause I think people still have negative stereotypes about boarding school.

I wouldn't want to send an 11yr old to live away from home and be looked after by teachers.

Private school great, I'm a fan. Boarding nope.

I haven’t said I work harder than anyone. You’re off on your own assumptions again. I’m not a teacher as it doesn’t pay enough for the life I want to lead. I made the choice to pursue something that pays more.

I haven’t read the whole thread to see what other posters are expressing, but just to note, jealousy is one thing, feeling angry that kids whose families are wealthy get access to such better opportunities than those who don’t is another. The inequality is just so depressing.

That's just so not true. Whatbar you basing that on?

I mean, as I battle my 4 year old to sleep boarding school seems quite appealing 🫣

Jokes aside I went from age 11, my first year was full boarding, the rest weekly. I think the impact of school primarily relies on your home life to be honest. If you have a secure safe space to retreat to, that's wonderful. I also think pastoral care has improved greatly from when I went 25 years ago - I told them I was being bullied and they decided to tell me I was lying, and I cried everyday on the phone to my mum to no avail - so those years were hell as I had no support in or out of school.

As I got older though I enjoyed it more (aged 13 up) and it was nicer than being at home to be honest. It probably saved my sanity in some ways....

I wasn't referring to any specific comp?

Just making the general point that 'kids don't know what's best for them' (and really, do adults? nobody is psychic and can know for definite how choices made now will impact their lives 20,30, 40 years down the line) can work both ways.

Not sure why you need to be patronising and explain that lots of people go to the nearest comp - when I was growing up literally everybody did! I'm guessing from your username you're welsh, as am I - as we don't have grammar schools and my county (nor the neighbouring ones) didn't have any private schools everybody went to the local comp.

If the intake is poorly performing that will still impact the other pupils, won't it? More so than individual teachers in my opinion - I don't think most private school teachers are somehow better than state school ones but it's a lot easier to learn and do well if you're one of 8 in a class who have some incentive to be fairly well behaved, than one of 38 with 10 kids who are struggling because they can't read, 5 struggling because english is their second or third language, and 10 who just don't want to be there.

Good job some people are willing to do the jobs that pay less, then, isn’t it? Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to do your well paid job because you’d be stuck at home schooling your kids. Or else your partner would.

Would you say that a dad who sees his children eow is also not a real parent?

i’m an ex border and it’s funny hearing the other side of this. I remember starting at 11 and most of the girls would cry their eyes out at the start, some of them for weeks. One little girl i think cried almost every day for 2 years but she was extreme. It never occurred to me that some of the parents would carry on like that too!

I’m curious- a) do your children know that you cried when they left and b) did you ever ask them if they or their friends were crying from homesickness too?

I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

If my auntie had bollocks, and all that.

Why are so many posters so desperate to compare the OP’s children to children who have been put to boarding school against their wishes?

What on earth makes you assume all parents wish they could send their children to boarding school?

Absolutely and the reason 50/50 is now the usual if their are 2 capable parents

Apart from the fact that the OP said her dc were out with their friends today.😂

Every day for two years? Dear lord that's just so sad, poor child. 😢

I mean now they are older I have told them that I cried, but I didn't tell them at the time. And yeah, I asked if they got upset, they both said they cried maybe once or twice the first week but that's about it

I must admit I have never understood why parents send their kids to boarding schools. I could never have done that not for all the money in the world! I know they would have hated not being at home and it was not for them or me! But you sound happy and so do your kids so each to their own!

I was wondering that,too.

My DDs said no one cried. They had all been in school residentials so weekly boarding was the same. My DD certainly chose boarding. She didn’t need to be at home and wanted a full life at school. She was excited by it. Home was dull in many ways. If dc are never asked if they would like to look at a boarding school, you don’t know what they might think. Boyd start at 13 anyway. They are old enough to have opinions.

I find the concept of sending an 11 year old away to be at the mercy of the caprices of a load of totally strangers 24 hours a day very weird indeed. It's not quite so bad now as in the days of corporal punishment, but it's still odd. Can you really cope with the thought of your child being bitterly homesick without you being there to comfort them?

Are parents in the armed forces or who work on oil rigs or whatever not "real" parents then?

Total strangers is a stretch. By that standard why are we sending a child to school at all since it’s just “a load of total strangers”?

I think the OP has made it very clear that if her children didn’t want to board, they wouldn’t be boarding. She hasn’t “sent them away”, they actively asked to board weekly.

Private schools have a lot of sport and activities that carry on after the school day ends and her children wanted to board so they weren’t coming back and forth midweek and also to be with their friends.

So many posters on this thread are using inflammatory language to paint the situation in the light of their own biases and assumptions.

But did you not just say that your kids have friends from different social backgrounds. Or are they friends only with other boarders? Which one is it?

I work full time. A couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening that I see my DC are absolutely precious

Nursery is often a necessity though. Parents need to work, that's why kids are at the nursery. Boarding schools are not a necessity. Parents send their kids to potentially get a "higher" chance of success. At what cost though