My 2 kids go to boarding school, AMA

[happylady1982]

My kids are 14 and 16, they both go to boarding school. Weekly boarding. This means they come home every weekend, and during the half terms and the major holidays too (Christmas, easter, summer).

Right now it's the summer holidays so they are home.

I wanted to do an AMA cause I think people still have negative stereotypes about boarding school.

🙄

When my kids were that young I wouldn't have ever considered boarding school. At that age, they don't want independence from their parents. By the time my kids were 11 they were okay with being away from me and their dad every week. Obviously I was concerned that they were too young, but I realised very quickly that they preferred hanging out with their friends everyday lol.

But when my kids were 7, they were way too young to be away from home every week. I understand why some families might need to send their 7 year old to boarding school, but I don't think 7 year olds should be sent to boarding school for no reason

Erm. Because she pays 90k a year and her kids get very basic (that's considered basic in my circle of non-boarders) grades. This means already that the top unis are not of them so why sacrifice so much - money, time with them, all this trauma and for nothing really.

In some cases it's true. What's the point in pretending all parents who send their kids to boarding school do so in the best interest of the kids? OP's kids made the choice for themselves, that's different - but I firmly believe some parents send them because they cba'd parenting them themselves. It'd be naive in the extreme to think this never happens.

Firstly, I'm proud my daughter is predicted grades 7 and grade 8. I am not acamedic at all, I'm so proud of them. I'm paying the money for them to have the best school experience possible, even if they got grade 5's I would be proud of them, as long as they have had a happy school experience then I am happy.

No trauma by the way 👍

Because this thread is about the OP and her children

That would be reasonable if you had an unlimited amount of money. What's the point of an expensive boarding school if they will have very average careers (and work with all the commoners!) in the future?

“All this trauma for nothing”

You hear that OP. Your poor children are suffering for nothing!

Like the OP, my child is at a private school and grades are bottom of the list of our reasons for choosing the school.

If I wanted my children to just be acamedic, I would have just sent them to one of the state schools near where I live because the actual acamedic results at the nearby schools aren't much different than the private schools near where I live. Acamedics are the least of my concerns, my kids happiness is my priority

I feel sorry for the children of the parents on this thread whose primary concern is what “grades” their children get in exams.

How unbelievably sad.

Why are the good grades at the BOTTOM of your list? Are your kids gonna waltz through the life with a large inheritance or work for you and your friends?

If so he'll yes you should not need to worry about the grades. Don't need to worry about anything actually. Just send them to school for fun

My son and daughter have said that there is unfortunately a lot of kids at their boarding school who have parents who only care about grades :(

Grades don't define a person. My kids are quite acamedic but some kids are just not, and that's okay!

How are your kids gonna support themselves when they grow up? What's the plan once they leave the bubble of their boarding school?

They go to uni, if they want to, or they start working!

Yes because you know what? For some families good grades is the only way out from the poverty. If you have a large inheritance than you can afford not to worry about grades. Just sprinkle 90k a year here and there for your kids to have fun

I feel sorry for the children of parents whose primary concern are extra curricular activities and sports trophies but here we are.

It’s fantastic that you’re able and willing to support your daughter financially to pursue an art career. Your daughter is very lucky!

An acquaintance had a very expensive education and was encouraged by her teachers, peers etc. to pursue a creative career (becoming a dancer). Unfortunately, although her parents were able to pay for performing arts school etc., they did not have the means to support her long term as they have 5 children, some of whom are still in education. So when she was unsuccessful in becoming a professional dancer (due to it being a very competitive/saturated industry, not through lack of talent, I should add), she had to retrain to become a yoga teacher in her 30s and she is now living a relatively impoverished life in her late 30s.

I think it’s fine for schools like your children’s to encourage careers in the arts, but there does need to be an honest conversation in the home as to whether the family can actually afford it.

My concern is their happiness

I think very few parents have grades at the bottom of their list of priorities for their children at school. I might perhaps believe it if someone chose to send their (NT) child to a school where there did no work towards any qualifications but I'm not sure such a school exists. I don't mean that all parents should pile the pressure on but a 'no need to do any school work darling as long as you are happy' approach is surely only something those with a ton of family money should do (even then, they really shouldn't). So I assume people who say things like that are lying tbh.

That sounds too vague do you really have no idea of they will go to a uni considering they are not so young kids at this stage? If they start working what will they do? Do you hope that your and your husband/friends connections provide them with a job so they don't leave their bubble?

Sports and extra curricular don't define a person, a full-time family life does.

We must all know ex boarders. I know not one person who muses fondly over their theatre costume making, or their sailing activies at boarding school. I know a good few who felt they were packed off and returned only for weekend /holiday appearances with parents though.

Well they are 14 and 16, their plans for the future changes constantly. Which is normal at their ages.

Academic work is important to us. We both worked our way up and went to university and work in highly academic professions. Both the first in our families to do so. We hope the best for our child in that regard. But it is not the reason why we have our child in a private school. We both achieved what we did in our local comprehensives, bloody awful as the experience was.

This is the point that is always missed by those wanting to immediately bash parents who put their children through private schooling. There are more reasons than grades, and those reasons are higher on our list of concerns for our child.

@happylady1982 this might have been asked but I can’t find it !

what made you first consider boarding ? And then what made you go with it ?

when I think of boarding I think of old English buildings, strict rules and old fashioned teachers. What is it actually like ? is it more like a camp style now at night. Fun and games after learning ?