I was in prison in my early twenties, AMA

[Lexibletheflexible]

I was in prison about 18 years ago, between the ages of 19-22. I now volunteer with charities supporting female prisoners. AMA

I am a cleaner. But we also have a family business adjacent to "cleaning" and so I am a big part of that, too. In fact, my clients pay the business account and I officially trade through that as an employee of our family business.

We own property, go on nice holidays and our kids are likely to all go to a private secondary school. My oldest does already.

This was mostly accumulated through the graft me and my partner have put in over the last 16 or so years.

I'm not criticising you on the grounds of what you do for a living, OP. I mean, I'm not actually criticising you at all, just saying that I think it's a deeply odd suggestion from @OutsideLookingOut that you should do life coaching.

Well, it isn't something I've considered but I don't think I am less "qualified" than many people who make their living that way.

I said I would be interested. OP has some qualities I admire, an interesting perspective on life and is not going to go down without a fight. She has done terrible things yet turned her life around and has a successful business. I’ve seen far worse from people claiming to be coaches.

I'm sorry OP but this is honestly a strange viewpoint based on literally nothing as far as I can tell. My brother's worked in banking his whole career, worked his way up, huge salary and pension, easy life working from home. There's no bloodshed! I think raising an eyebrow over a wrong sum in a spreadsheet is probably about as mad as it gets.

I think it's utterly weird to be fine with your kids getting into drug dealing but think banking is dangerous!

And no offence, but I think you'd make a terrible life coach. I'm glad you've got your life together after a difficult start, but you don't seem to have much insight into what you've been through and you have some strange ideas about how life works. I don't think you should be giving anyone else advice and indeed I think you should encourage your kids to seek out careers advice from people other than yourself and your family, as your prejudices and weird ideas could put them off an otherwise suitable and lucrative career.

A lot of drug dealers like I was never see the reality of addiction, the violence, the mental health issues, the children that suffer. We just make money and take it home.

Do remember that some of the most prolific drug takers work in finance and the like.

Well, exactly. Whether or not the whole "life coach" industry should exist at all is another discussion. Please, readers, remember, I've never expressed any interest in being a life coach at all.

I'm just no more or less qualified to be one than the majority of people who would market themselves under that label.

Did you forget the going to prison part, OP? I know you didn't get done for dealing, but if you weren't in that world, you wouldn't have been in the orbit of gun runners, and wouldn't have ended up inside.

Selling weed at 13 made you extremely vulnerable and also obviously curtailed your understanding of how society actually works.

Bankers occasionally go to prison too. They are just more protected so are less likely to be convicted of ANY crime they commit. They will sometimes need a scapegoat so will make it all the fault of one person rather than a toxic culture which encourages illegal practices. That's when you'll see some big news about some banker guy who has done all these terrible things. It makes you think they actually weed out the bad apples.

This is delusional thinking, OP. It's like your only knowledge of banking is from crime dramas.

When you say, 'some banker guy', you mean a person high up in a huge finance organisation, maybe an equity trader, people dealing in other people's money to the tune of millions. You're comparing a drug dealer to a high-level con artist or fraudster, and thinking you'd rather your kids were drug dealers than that.

But this conversation we're having is actually talking about getting a job in a bank in the UK and working your way up. I gave the example of my brother, who has worked in banking his whole career. I know other people who work in finance and none of them are corrupt or likely to go to prison for anything. It's just office work, essentially.

The people employed at the businesses that launder drug money arent corrupt either. They are just bar staff and waiters and waitresses. They are essential to legitimise the business and keep the place ticking over. They jhst earn a wage and go home, pay taxes and NI, and maybe even a pension.

How ethical is the company your brother works for?

But to wrap this up, if you'd want to encourage your kids to stay broke and live in poverty, potentially with children, should they find themselves in that position, have at it. Once you hit that low, it is really hard to claw your way back. Especially relying on a system and flexible, well paid employment as a woman.

It's HSBC or it was, think he's moved to a different company now. I'm sure you can look it up and form your own opinion on his morality.

So what are you saying, that it's more moral to be a drug dealer than to get a legal job in a bank? Or that money laundering is good because it provides minimum wage jobs for people? I've lost track now because you keep changing the topic under discussion. Probably because you know on some level that you're talking shite.

No I said neither are reputable professions. This is what you argued with. This is all because I think your brother has an unethical job like I used to have. I just know what I did to minimise the unethical side of it as far as I could control. What does he do?

I don't know; I don't speak for him. I don't care if you think he's immoral for what he does. Maybe he is! He's not involved in any criminality, though.

I actually said to you several comments back that my concern was more about the relative safety of these jobs. My brother is extremely unlikely to go to prison, meet criminals, have people leave guns in his house, expose his children to drugs, guns, and money laundering etc. I've kept coming back to this point, you may have noticed.

That you consider his profession and your former criminal activities to be morally equivalent is not what I'm arguing about. I think you're wrong, but the discussion I'm trying to hae is about the safety of those jobs, not their morality. You keep bringing it back to that because you think it's a killer point. I keep coming back to the fact that you were a 13 year old selling drugs, because I think that's extremely sad and it has limited your world view horribly to the extent that you'd be okay with exposing your kids to dangerous criminals because that seems normal and okay to you.

Different jobs have different levels of safety. Not all drug dealers are at equal level of danger and there are ways you can minimise that type of issue. Especially if you are okay with making less money as a result. That is partly why I chose to sell what I sold and the people I sold to.

Remember, I never went to prison for drugs. Neither the girl I sublet to or the guy involved knew I sold drugs. She knew I could get them. Not telling absolutely everyone was part of minimising danger from the police and everyone else.

It's sad you even had to think that way.

The thing is, OP, selling weed at 13 isn't really a job, it's exploitation of a minor. It shouldn't have happened to you and I hope that despite your words here, you would not let it happen to your own children.

I'm not responding any more, because I've said my piece as clearly as I can many times now. I wish you peace and safety.

Why do you think it's exploitation of a minor? I wasnt selling for anyone but myself. Never have.

@Lexibletheflexible

for goodness sake, YOU were the minor OP, and YOU were being exploited.

How? If I was selling for someone who had some sort of hold over me, I could understand your point. I was just buying enough to break down and sell for a profit. I wasnt keeping anyone in business and never got anything on consignment. I just saw that school was a place that I could sell and so started selling £5 bags. It grew from there.

@Lexibletheflexible

how would you feel if your 13 year old son or daughter started selling weed ? Would you worry about them? How would you feel about the person or people facilitating them selling drugs?

I'd wonder why they felt the need to make money when they already have decent incomes for work that is quite fun.

If they were getting stuff on consignment, then I'd be more worried than if they bought it outright to sell. I'd wonder why they had to do that.

I think harbouring ill will towards who sold it to them would be a waste of time unless it was some sort of thing where they were meant to bring back money or otherwise sell for them. Again, I'd wonder why my kid felt this was the best viable option for them.

@Lexibletheflexible

presumably your parents wondered the same about you

Was this not meant to be about the OPs experience of prison? Not her lifestyle?

No, I think they knew why. My sibling had some serious health issues and they spent a lot of money addressing it privately. Times were hard and I wanted to not be more of a burden by needing things. I always liked nice things. Especially food