We've just had a plastic lawn put in. AMA

[Imdunfer]

As title.

If you're going to raise climate issues please make sure you have your facts right before you post. There is a lot of incorrect PR and social media comment about plastic turf going around at the moment.

Time will tell!

So what is the point of her post? As to the long term viability, time will tell.

It’s not the leaf fall that’s the biggest issue. It’s bird shit, general pollen and feathers.

You do know electric blowers exist 😂

You X thousands.

We have no nesting birds. There are no trees anywhere near. The minimum height of the surrounding fence and walls is 2m. We aren't going to get a problem with bird shit pollen or feathers. We would not have chosen it otherwise.

I don't know what point you are trying to make about electric blowers. My opposition to them is not defined by what power they use.

It was ‘AMA’ - people ask questions, and the OP answers them.

HTH

What is the point of most of the threads on this forum? I thought it would result in a discussion of interest to people. At 24 pages I think I was probably right.

What’s your objection then lol. And it might be one you have to get over because unless your planning to hoover your lawn then yes you will need to maintain it somehow 🤣

They are useless except in very specific weather conditions, they're incredibly noisy and they take scarce resources and to make, sell, and use. Brooms do a better job.

Given what I've described I am baffled why you think my lawn will take any effort to speak of, never mind machinery, to keep clean.

There are zero words that would have educated you and caused you to think, because you don't care about/seemingly understand the carbon impact, you don't care about the impact you personally are having on the wildlife that used to/could in future also enjoy your garden, because you see your impact as minimal compared to the actions of others and your enjoyment is more important because fuck creating space for wildlife, that's hard work and unaesthetic, you don't care that even expensive fake grass often looks faded and tatty in a few years because yours won't because reasons, you don't want a wild garden, you want it flat and neat...

There are no words to educate you, and I wasn't trying to, which is why I explicitly said this isn't a question, it's a scream into the void.

But just to be perfectly clear - it was an insult. Not caring about ANYTHING other than looking out a perfect square of bright green plastic 'lawn' is really, really classy. Crack on with your paving of paradise.

If judging careless people makes me a snob, I'll wear the badge with pride.

I'm curious about your ceramic flowers that you have around your artificial lawn. I've never heard of this. What do they look like? Are they realistic?I know you don't want to post photos, but can you post a link to something similar?

How long have you had this? I am guessing days 😂 at a push a week lol

They're ornaments, they aren't pretending to be real flowers, they're just to add some colour in the bark topped raised beds. You can find them for sale in all sorts of places.

@Bloozie - it never ceases to amaze me how people who profess to detest the idea of fake grass somehow think they are experts, not only on how it looks and behaves, but they also think that our gardens are therefore completely devoid of any wildlife!
I do sincerely hope that posters who clutch their pearls at the very thought of the carbon impact do absolutely nothing to increase their own.

And what a "classy" response that one was, eh?

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar is a wildlife expression that seems to have passed you by.

I do wish people would at least try to read responses on an AMA before commenting. How can it have been in a week if it has already been through two heatwaves? I've had this tiny enclosed garden 4 years, I think I know by now how much detritus it's likely to collect.

Do you have real plants in the garden beds as well? Or... have you just planted the fake flowers? I'm just trying to envision how it looks...

I think ceramic flowers with real ones would look awful. I've got a range of rusted iron animal sculptures, the ceramic flowers and bark.

I wanted this full size wallowing hippo in the middle of the lawn but that was vetoed 🤣

https://www.blackcountrymetalworks.co.uk/half-hippo-water-sculpture.htm?gadsource=1&gadcampaignid=22989955662&gbraid=0AAAAAD312kxFoiXRdFV84UPvTjwCopu&gclid=Cj0KCQjw9ZLSBhCcARIsAEhGKgMbpKcC0R6HE3KQZd-fetBs9GPXvT2Zqvnogt7mZ9ieJTR6rOBdrYaAsJWEALwwcB

Oh, I genuinely thought you were joking about the ceramic flowers and rusted iron animal sculptures -- that you were just jokingly going along with the idea that a person who lays a plastic lawn must have no visual sense whatsoever as well as no interest in the environment. I mean, do you have mooning garden gnomes too?

@Imdunfer - love the hippo. Quite fancy a giraffe too…….

Oh that hippo is really cool. I think he would need a pond though.

Well OP your garden certainly sounds unique! 😆

It is impossible to believe you tbh.

You won't show a picture of the actual thing (which I understand)
But you also profess to not even know what product you have even bought
And equally conveniently it was done by two young men who simultaneously fit the world's best artificial grass that is indistinguishable from the real thing, does not age a jot in years and looks absolutely perfect; while also they don't have a website (that you will give us, for no clear reason) or even a name or even the school they allegedly did. And all the while while no other person in real life or online has ever managed to also install the same plastic perfection. You'd think every single person would be buying this "I can't believe it's not real grass" you have and there'd be reviews up to your knees raving about it.

You knew full well the first thing people would ask is to see this astonishing substance but you are avoiding every possible means of providing us with a way to do so.

If you'd just been honest about the fact that yes it is fake grass and yes you can tell but we like it anyway, it would at least have been something. Lying when we all know you are lying is pointless.

The turf. Not the garden!

I'm not interesting in catching a fly like you, though.

And you're certainly not interested in being seduced by honey.

But even if you were... You've bought your plastic grass. The next most environmentally ruinous thing you could do, now you've already invested in the plastic/ripped out the habitat that was there/started to kill the soil and everything that lives in it, is have a change of heart and send it to landfill before a fox has even managed to battle its way through your fortress walls to shit on it.

Honey, vinegar... it's all irrelevant. I'm not here to change your mind, as I VERY CLEARLY STATED.

But maybe anyone reading who can be persuaded and cares about the resale value of their home... They might be interested in understanding how violently opposed those of us that are opposed to plastic grass are. It's tacky AF.

Like I say, I judge careless people.