I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

How do you think your first two children, having already experienced an abusive situation feel about their lives now?

Can they trust you to have their backs - or are they vulnerable to the decisions of an unrelated man and a 'timid' mother?

How would you manage if your husband left you?

And yes, I have had a previous marriage. He is 6 years older than me.

Do you have your own savings / bank account?

What would you do if he made a decision that you felt was not in the best interests of your older children?

And how old are the children from your first marriage?

It's not a cry for help. But I have to admit I do feel a bit embarrassed about it. It's not how women are meant to be nowadays. I feel a bit like the odd one outing society in general.

How does it work him having the final say in the household when some of the children aren’t his?

Do you think that’s fair on them?

Thank you.

It is weird in this day and age.

Yes, I probably do. Probably why I feel embarrassed about it.

Do you have access to money?

To me this sounds like the OP has given up her voice and her opinion in this relationship, rather than the husband taking the lead.

Have you always found decisions difficult, OP? Do you leave decision making to other people or is it just with your husband? Did you have to make decisions above your level as a child?

This actually makes me genuinely so sad.
I understand wanting to feel looked after, why can’t you have that feeling but also be an equal human being whose thoughts, feelings, opinions matter as much as your husbands?
This sets off so many red flags for me. I hope your ok

Do you have free access to money without having to ask him for permission?

No, not cultural.

I mean… really…how submissive are you, actually? Like, if he forbade you from going to the toilet all day or something like that would you be submissive and obey him?

Op I wouldn’t have labelled myself submissive but you sound similar to how I was- he’s more intelligent than me and we were best friends/ a team so he got the final say on most things and I’d be grand to go along BUT when we got to a point where I didn’t agree, neither of us had a clue where to go. Next thing you know we both start nitpicking on our whole relationship, replaying every argument we should have had but didn’t and having it out then. So 18 years of not an argument then boom. It’s not a healthy way to go op, and you don’t sound sure about it anyway. I think you and your dh need to have a talk and take your label off the table. Just my personal opinion x

You are putting yourself (willingly) in such a vulnerable position.

Does he protect you in putting savings in your name, the house in joint names, and does he pay into an equal pension for you? Whatever floats your boat is OK in the bedroom but you will really regret being so submissive if he dies early and you're not financially protected.

So your 2 children from last relationship have seen you give up all control and financial autonomy to new guy?? You are completely unprotected if he were to leave or behave unacceptably. Lovely.

Do you have any confidence or self esteem issues?

Have you ever strongly disagreed with anything your husband has decided and spoke up about it? If so, how did he react?

It wasn't always and not when we were first married. I feel quite overwhelmed with life and I like him looking after me.

Both of us. We are not religious.

Do you do all of the housework/cooking/childcare and have his food on the table for when he gets home?

How is he looking after you if he makes the decisions? That’s not looking after someone? What’s happened you’d think it is?

Just why?