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AMA
Original poster

I am submissive to my husband AMA

836 replies

Peachesx2606 · 14/06/2026 20:37

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:29

tingalings · 14/06/2026 22:26

Why do you allow him to make final big decisions?

Are you genuinely 'not arsed' about anything and can't be bothered to engage your brain and work through decisions yourself?

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I just trust him so I don't need to make all the decisions.

OP posts:
FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 15/06/2026 20:29

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 15/06/2026 18:36

Well yes, we do. In millions of little ways. I might say to my husband, "I can't believe it's raining again!" not because I need to get that off my chest, I'm just opening a conversation so we can connect. That's a way of getting his attention. I might do a silly dance when my daughter's favourite song comes on and she'll roll her eyes, again, it's a bid for attention from her because attention is connection. Our loved ones tend to show us attention organically when we reach out for it, and the average family is made up of bids for attention being made and answered all day long.

Attention seeking becomes maladaptive when someone is desperately reaching out for any attention, good or bad, like putting ourselves out there to be lambasted by strangers with a fake or real story, seeking to be the centre of attention in situations where someone else should be the centre of attention, inventing dramas for sympathy, or even committing crimes just to be noticed.

I think in this case the OP knows deep down that she's not in a healthy situation and is trying to resolve issues in her childhood by reliving it, hence why she's here looking for attention- airing her dirty laundry to everyone so she can get a closer look at it herself.

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To my mind what you describe with the dancing and conversation about the rain is interaction and a part of building and maintaining a relationship. It's about sharing experience with others rather than drawing attention to oneself purely for our own gratification or reassurance.

I think the OP is seeking the former, not the latter.

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:30

SnappyUmberLion · 14/06/2026 22:27

Of course we don’t know they will do this, but it increases the chances somewhat, no?

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Or maybe decreases. Who wants to be like their parents!

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:31

tingalings · 14/06/2026 22:27

Why would you feel safe by being controlled?

It makes you come over as childish and behaving as if this is a child-parent relationship.

Maybe you need to think about therapy.

Edited
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I'm in therapy.

OP posts:
ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 15/06/2026 20:32

FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 15/06/2026 20:29

To my mind what you describe with the dancing and conversation about the rain is interaction and a part of building and maintaining a relationship. It's about sharing experience with others rather than drawing attention to oneself purely for our own gratification or reassurance.

I think the OP is seeking the former, not the latter.

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Well you can't interact with someone who isn't giving you attention.

If someone's is seeking attention in an unhealthy way it may be because they aren't getting healthy types of attention they need.

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:32

throwawayimplantchat · 14/06/2026 22:28

But what about your children who are being taught that it’s healthy for women to defer to men in principle?

And being taught that it’s normal for a man to get the final say in the household, even when some of the kids in that household aren’t his?

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I don't think they are being taught that.

OP posts:
Confuserr · 15/06/2026 20:33

Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 19:57

Oh no, I completely agree feminine doesn't mean submissive. Or certainly not to everyone. I definitely think being female is being strong after all we give birth! And I always talk to my girls about the sufragettes.

I've had to be strong for a lot of my life but I like to be soft too. I know I could provide and care for my children by myself as I've already done it alone. I don't need my husband, I want him.

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You always talk to them about the sufragettes, but then they see him shouting at you for not going to bed when you're told.

Not sure it evens out tbh op

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:34

Ilovemychocolate · 14/06/2026 22:30

Emmeline Pankhurst is turning in her grave right now.

I always vote and have taught my DD's this too!

OP posts:
FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 15/06/2026 20:34

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 15/06/2026 20:32

Well you can't interact with someone who isn't giving you attention.

If someone's is seeking attention in an unhealthy way it may be because they aren't getting healthy types of attention they need.

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Different types of attention. I think we're agreeing here.

FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 15/06/2026 20:35

Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:34

I always vote and have taught my DD's this too!

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Deeds not words.

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:36

Hopefulsalmon · 14/06/2026 22:30

Hopefully it won't be for a good while yet but do you worry how you'll cope if he dies first (which is fairly likely) after so many years of reliance?

Not really as I have been on my own before. But yes, I get what you mean. I don't necessarily think I will rely on him as much forever but it's something to think about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:37

Horses7 · 14/06/2026 22:31

I’m so AMA doesn’t actually mean AMA 🤦‍♀️

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What would you like to know about my sex life??

OP posts:
ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 15/06/2026 20:38

FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 15/06/2026 20:34

Different types of attention. I think we're agreeing here.

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I think we are, and I don't want to totally derail the thread, but what I'm saying is that when you're not getting good attention you might seek bad attention. Like when a child isn't getting attention at home they might start acting up at school, or being incredibly irritating in social situations. It will never be enough for them because deep down it's not the type of attention they want and need.

LittleBearPad · 15/06/2026 20:39

Confuserr · 15/06/2026 20:33

You always talk to them about the sufragettes, but then they see him shouting at you for not going to bed when you're told.

Not sure it evens out tbh op

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You’re inventing this scenario

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:41

Stompythedinosaur · 14/06/2026 22:34

Why do you feel his decisions are better than your own? Can you remember when you started to lack confidence in your own decision making?

Do you believe all women are inferior in decision making to all men, or just that you are inferior to your husband?

They're not necessarily better although sometimes they are. Mine probably are sometimes.

I don't think women are inferior. I don't think I am inferior.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:42

CaesarAugusta · 14/06/2026 22:35

Suppose he was making a decision which you are certain would affect your children adversely - would you still go along with it?

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No

OP posts:
FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 15/06/2026 20:43

Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:37

What would you like to know about my sex life??

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How very strange to return to this question 24 hours after it was asked.

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:43

CeciliaMars · 14/06/2026 22:36

Do you have a job? How would you feel if he left you? Would you be able to cope on your own? My independence is the thing I value most - can’t imagine handing it to a man on a plate.

I don't work currently as I'm studying for a career change. I would be able to cope on my own. I've done it before.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/06/2026 20:45

Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:32

I don't think they are being taught that.

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They absolutely are because that’s what you’re modelling to them.

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:47

Lassofnorth · 14/06/2026 22:36

How do your children from your first marriage feel about someone who is not a biological parent making all the decisions concerning them? If they were unhappy about a decision how would you manage it ?

One is an adult. And that's not true. Firstly they have a dad and I'm a big part of decisions about them too. If they were unhappy we'd talk it through.

OP posts:
ScaredButUnavoidable · 15/06/2026 20:48

Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:27

I gave an example above that we disagreed about the school for our DD. We went with his choice and it was the right decision in the end. I try to imagine how this would play out with my first husband and it would have been a big argument. I just feel I can trust my current husband to make decisions, I don't have to be in control all the time. I can relax. I could change my mind and that may well happen as we go through different stages of our life. I admit I do lack a bit in confidence.

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But in examples like this there is no compromise, one person gets their choice and the other doesnt.

That doesn’t make you a submissive.

If you’d gone with your choice of school would that then mean you’d consider your husband to be submissive to you?

My impression is that you aren’t submissive in the true sense of what it means to be a submissive wife, you just go along with what he thinks because it’s easier.

Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:49

Mummybud · 14/06/2026 22:37

Do you have daughters and would you encourage them to be submissive? If you have sons would you encourage them to be dominant?

I encourage them to be themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachesx2606 · 15/06/2026 20:52

CaesarAugusta · 14/06/2026 22:37

So what if he makes a decision at a time when he is pissing you off. Do you still trust him to get it right if you feel his behaviour at that point is twatty?

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Probably not!

OP posts:
FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 15/06/2026 20:53

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met was a dom who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today,
I wish, I wish he'd make all my decisions for me so I can spend all my time writing bollocks on MN.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 15/06/2026 20:53

What happens if your husband gets Dementia or becomes reckless with finances. You are not protecting yourself here.