I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

I never looked at my parents relationship to decide what I wanted in my own life. Quite the opposite!

Can’t imagine why based on the thread title!

A grown adult doesn’t need to feel safe and looked after - that’s what a child needs.
But whatever floats your boat. Sounds very boring to me.

We don't all seek attention. We really don't. The fact that you think that is universal might be worth bringing up with your therapist.

So if you don’t want to do something he physically makes you do it? Bloody hell.

I dread to think what happens if he’s really in the mood for sex and you aren’t.

Well yes, we do. In millions of little ways. I might say to my husband, "I can't believe it's raining again!" not because I need to get that off my chest, I'm just opening a conversation so we can connect. That's a way of getting his attention. I might do a silly dance when my daughter's favourite song comes on and she'll roll her eyes, again, it's a bid for attention from her because attention is connection. Our loved ones tend to show us attention organically when we reach out for it, and the average family is made up of bids for attention being made and answered all day long.

Attention seeking becomes maladaptive when someone is desperately reaching out for any attention, good or bad, like putting ourselves out there to be lambasted by strangers with a fake or real story, seeking to be the centre of attention in situations where someone else should be the centre of attention, inventing dramas for sympathy, or even committing crimes just to be noticed.

I think in this case the OP knows deep down that she's not in a healthy situation and is trying to resolve issues in her childhood by reliving it, hence why she's here looking for attention- airing her dirty laundry to everyone so she can get a closer look at it herself.

I thought this thread would give me an insight into sub/dom relationships.

Instead it's felt like peeping through the curtains on someone's unresolved issues and seeing the dirty linen of their marital arrangement. Either that or pure and simple trad wife propaganda.

I can't think for one minute it has helped the OP and has undoubtedly left many posters feeling queasy on many levels.

I agree. It’s another thing that seems odd about Peaches and her belief system.

There’s just so much baggage - like a PP suggested, I hope her therapist is really good. However, a therapist can only do so much. She has to actively engage and make a concerted effort to examine the validity of her feelings, beliefs and convictions.

I thought this thread would give me an insight into sub/dom relationships.

No chance. All we have learned so far is that the OP isn’t very good at getting herself off to bed. 😂

OP is he okay with you going out for a night on the town with friends?

I have been married for a very long time and I have had holidays with friends every year apart from the years children were born and nights out whenever I wanted.
That is normal for me and I could not put up with anyone who wouldn't accept that

No he doesn’t choose what you eat or no you wouldn’t be embarrassed if dining with friends that he chose for you?

kindly op I think you are more princess than submissive 😀and good for you both if you’re happy

🤣🤣🤣

Exactly. Apart from telling her when to go to bed there isn’t anything Dom/Sub about this marriage.

Just a woman with no self esteem and your typical man who likes to have a level of control over his partner.

She once mentioned punishment and consequences if she didn’t go to bed when told but won’t reply to anyone who actually questions her further about it, or asks her to give other examples of what she is punished for and what those punishments actually involve.

She hasn’t said anything else at all that implies he controls her, or controls her life, or her actions, or that he does actually punish her (unless stroking her head whilst she tries to sleep is the punishment).

This whole thread is beyond weird.

It's not that I trust him above my own judgement as such, but just that I know he makes good decisions so I don't have to make them all.

I see my children happy. I just don't see it affecting them negatively. I don't share the ins and outs of my relationship with them.

A right wing nutter?? Nope! I'm not sure what a trad wife is.

You don’t need to discuss your relationship with your children. They see it. They live it. We want our daughters to see that they can be strong, independent women. We want our son to be a strong, independent man. Most of all, we want all three of our children to believe that they are worthy of and fully deserve to have an equal, respectful relationship.

To me OP you don't sound like you are submissive really. From what I have read ( and it's not the whole thread ) you choose to let him make decisions. You talk things through and Oftern get your way. You buy smaller things yourself but discuss larger purchases as most couples would. You both do some housework etc. I don't get how it's any different apart from you allowing to make the final decisions. But you could stop that it you wanted? What's so submissive about it ?

So he doesn’t punish you or send you to bed, withhold things from you as you said earlier as punishment.

now it’s just a normal relationship where he makes some decisions and uou make others.

why on earth are yoh wasting everyone’s time writing made up stuff?

Oh no, I completely agree feminine doesn't mean submissive. Or certainly not to everyone. I definitely think being female is being strong after all we give birth! And I always talk to my girls about the sufragettes.

I've had to be strong for a lot of my life but I like to be soft too. I know I could provide and care for my children by myself as I've already done it alone. I don't need my husband, I want him.

The same for me at work.

I want for my DD's what they want and what will make them happy.

I don't feel vulnerable, I meant I realise that being submissive to a man puts you in a vulnerable position. You have to have a lot of trust.

I do sometimes feel a bit childish but that isn't because of my marriage. I felt like that before. I do feel embarrassed sometimes, I don't feel I can cope with life as well as other people. And I feel I need things other peoole don't. I feel the odd one out.

I would say a lot of people don't have fully equal finances. I'm happy with the way things are currently. I have all the money I need.

I'm not the most 'healthiest' of people to enter a marriage but noone is perfect. I am in therapy to work on myself.

You aren't working now though.

Exactly. What a waste of time.

I gave an example above that we disagreed about the school for our DD. We went with his choice and it was the right decision in the end. I try to imagine how this would play out with my first husband and it would have been a big argument. I just feel I can trust my current husband to make decisions, I don't have to be in control all the time. I can relax. I could change my mind and that may well happen as we go through different stages of our life. I admit I do lack a bit in confidence.