I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

Fuck me.

Are you five years old?!!

why do you think your own opinions have so little worth?

I find this so disturbing and gross.

I nearly didn’t go through with my marriage, when it really dawned on me that one of my vows was to “obey” my husband. Lots of women think this is an outdated phrase/ vow but it works for others. I see nothing wrong with it, if it’s something you “choose”. My advice would be to keep your financial independence though, not “separate finances” but know that IF the worst happened and you split up, you would be able to survive financially.

@Reallyneedsaholiday - I think the "obey" vow is pretty obsolete. I don't recall having heard it used in any of the weddings I've been to (and I'm in my late 50s and have been to plenty of weddings over the decades). I take your point about it being something a woman could choose but I would worry about the thinking which led her to conclude that she wanted to "obey" her husband (unless he was also vowing to obey her).

I think just because I only speak to my best friend about it and was interested in a wider opinion.

The fact that OP ignores about 95% of the questions she is asked with regards to how she is submissive, and what she is punished for and how, shows that this thread isn’t what she initially portrayed it to be.

She’s a woman with low esteem/low confidence in an abusive relationship.

I’m not sure why she’s trying to dress it up as her actively partaking in a typical Dom/Sub relationship.

But you clearly don’t want to answer most of the questions. So it begs th3 question what are you getting out of this.

To be honest maybe I have used the wrong terminology.

My husband takes charge but it is definitely not about just getting what he wants. He wants me to be happy (and the DC of course too.) so I get lots of things I want that he might not be personally bothered about.

I think he is a good man and wouldn't be abusive. If I thought that was a possibility I wouldn't be with him.

Yes, that would change the dynamic as it would for any marriage. We would just have to deal with it.

If he treated my DC badly, I'd walk.

I think you might mean the surrendered wife stuff. And i think a lot of people are putting their own spin on what you're saying. I did gulp at being sent to bed though.

We decide on things together and with their dad. They are 18 and 14 so obviously the eldest is now an adult and my middle DD is involved in decision making. And the youngest too relative to age.

Nope! This went from you letting him make decisions that you feel you aren’t able to make to him punishing you for disagreeing like you’re a child. This is abusive even if you believe you’ve consented.

So what about the telling uou when to go to bed and punishing you. Did you use the wrong terminology there too?

Has he found the thread ?

Can you describe the kind of things you do that mean he punishes you?
What kind of punishments?

'Punishments' are usually reserved for children or criminals.

Why does he punish you?

But maybe you need to consider that you don't know what abuse looks like?

You have described having a dysfunctional upbringing.

There are many examples in your posts here of what most women (and men) would say was abuse. Punishing you is one of those things. It is unheard of for wives to be punished in a marriage, and accepted as reasonable behaviour, in western countries.

The fact you don't think he is, could mean you simply can't see it like outsiders can.

OR that you don't want to see it because it would mean another divorce and having to create a life where you make decisions that now you avoid as they are a 'mental load'.

Have you told your therapist that he sends you to bed, and that is one form of punishment?

You specifically said that a ‘consequence’ for you disobeying him would be being told off, having something you want withheld from you or being sent to bed.

What are a couple of examples of things that you’ve been told off for / had things you want withheld / been sent to bed for as a consequence?

This is what I’m wondering. There seems to be a lot of of OP saying she’s glad she doesn’t have to make all the decisions. That’s a normal relationship where both partners are adults and share the load.

Totally agree and that's why I stepped away from the thread.

But what the OP describes isn't a normal relationship because she has stated that her husband punishes her if she doesn't do as she is told - either by telling her off, by withholding something that she wants or by sending her to bed.

That is not how things work in a normal, healthy relationship between two adults.

My DH and I both make decisions. If it’s a big decision, we make it together. If it’s small, whoever is there/cares the most will make it. Could the mental load be shared more equally? Yes but we’re working on that together.

The difference is that my DH at no point punishes me for not following his decision if I don’t agree with him. I don’t punish him either! That’s what makes this so unhealthy.

My DH suggests I go to bed sometimes - generally when I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa in front of the TV. I am definitely not the submissive type!

The thread is all over the place, she’s refusing to engage, changing what she’s saying. Now backtracking totally.

why start it, no one asked her to.

eother this is someone with signficant mental health issues making stuff up or she’s in a deeply abusive relationship and needs help. And sadly I think it’s the latter.

Oh grow up. I’m sure you know that beinf sent to bed and beinf punished is not the same.