I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

SAHM in the early years is more of a career break. You are against women remaining SAHM. Yes it is more vulnerable but many of the objections you raised were not valid.
Women can choose to take risks in the life they lead. And they can choose to hedge the bet more in their favour as my friend has done by ensuring she has a private pension and receives her own money each month of an amount she chose ( yes it is her own). And being married of course.

Yes, I have opinions. I don't think this takes away from that.

No. I'm studying for a career change so I'd be ok. Financially I know he'd always make sure we were ok.

As far as I can see, this is not really a submissive relationship.

OP has input into decisions about holidays, and usually gets her way. He could in theory veto a painting decision, which implies that she usually decides and he doesn't veto. He does not control meals or her clothes. She also has freedom to spend money on small purchases.

This just sounds like a totally normal relationship where the couple negotiate on most decisions, have personal freedom, and agree together on big purchases.

The only example I can see that the OP has given is that he tells her when to go to bed because she stays up too late.

So what does he decide that she is submissive about? The electricity supplier?

@Peachesx2606
I think your bad first marriage has made you think that in this one you are somehow 'submissive', when in fact you are just getting a normal level of support from your husband.

I feel like AMAs end up being a person who isn't a thing, claiming they are that thing, with surprising frequency.

OP isn't in a submissive relationship, where she does as her husband tells her whether she likes it or not, so I wonder why she thinks she is?

Yes - I think @StandingDeskDisco has it with

I think your bad first marriage has made you think that in this one you are somehow 'submissive', when in fact you are just getting a normal level of support from your husband.

Please make sure you know about important things, like your bank accounts and service suppliers. My aunt let my uncle do everything, and when he died, she was so adrift, she didn't even know how to write a cheque (this was years ago).

I feel able, yes. As a general rule I don't think it is a good thing for me. What I would expect to happen would depend on the situation. Like, if I don't go to bed when he says, the consequence would be not enough sleep. Other things maybe a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed.

No

I agree. It sounds broadly similar to the two religious marriages I know. Technically the man leads and can make final decisions, but in reality the marriages are based on mutual love and respect and the man seeks his wife’s advice and guidance in all big decisions ( even ones that are his own to make, such as about his career) as he respects her intelligence.

I agree. It sounds broadly similar to the two religious marriages I know. Technically the man leads and can make final decisions, but in reality the marriages are based on mutual love and respect and the man seeks his wife’s advice and guidance in all big decisions ( even ones that are his own to make, such as about his career) as he respects her intelligence.

Yes, I do

What was your childhood like? Did you feel loved and cared for? Did you have routine and boundaries? Were you a young carer or have expectations on you to be independent beyond your years?

What? He won’t give you something you want as punishment?

I do have some access

Why is the telling off/not getting something you want/being sent to bed necessary?

Other things maybe a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed.

This isn't you being a submissive wife, this is you and him role-playing being a parent and child, for some reason.

I don't think it affects them, really.

Not a great upbringing. Physically/emotionally abusive. I have an ok relationship with my dad and brother. Closer to my mum but we live in different countries.

Are they aware that if you don't go to bed when your husband tells you to, he'll 'punish' you? Or do they ever see him 'order' you to do so?

I'm in therapy currently

A telling off? Being sent to bed for not having done as you are told?

Do you think that's a healthy dynamic in a relationship between two adults in an equal partnership?

Exactly.

Absolutely not

How do you know?