I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

What do you think would be viewed as a very controversial topic in your relationship regarding decision making? I'm still waiting to hear anything particularly original in this set up.

What would happen if you wanted to do something he didn't want you to? Would you just give it up? And why? Wouldn't you resent him?

No not sexual kink atall or religion.

Probably more me having struggles with 'adulting' and feeling overwhelmed with it.

So basically, you've never really experienced a normal, healthy, balanced relationship?

Thank you for this.

Do you think it is obvious to anyone you spend a lot of time with as a couple what your dynamic is with your husband, or do you make an effort to hide it?

How does the power dynamic with your husband affect or interact with your other relationships? For example, if you have siblings, or parents, or anyone you have to make plans with or negotiate anything, do they realise that it is actually your husband who needs to agree and can overrule you? Or that you may not have the privacy that they assume you have?

Besides your children is there anyone you look after or who looks up to you, like a younger sibling or cousin, and would you still want that?

But part of adulting when you’re a parent has to be taking ownership of your responsibility as a parent to make decisions based on what is best for them.

Do you think it’s best for them for their mum to be so vulnerable and to defer decisions about their home and family to a man who isn’t even their dad?ww

It doesn’t sound like you are submissive. It sounds like you and he both want and are happy with the 1900s traditional ‘family’ where he goes off to work, and you keep the home fires burning. If you are both happy with that, then it’s not a problem. It’s not really AMA, as there is nothing specifically interesting to ask or answer, I can think of a few families were this is the dynamic.
Personal I couldn’t imagine anything worse than being beholden to my husband, and he’s shite at making decisions (which drives my freaking mad at times because it adds to my mental load), but if you are both happy and you have no other ambition than to be a housewife and mother, then that’s fine. But you definitely need to encourage your daughters to be strong independent women (which has buggar all to do with being feminine!).

I look after my husband. My husband looks after me. Together we look after our children. You know, like two healthy adults.
I'm sorry your children won't experience or likely replicate that in their own lives.

I think it is fun not to have all the responsibility on my shoulders. I do love having a 'manly' man. ButvI don't think all men or women should be the same. We are all different. I enjoy a lot of traditional women's things like cooking & baking, childcare, keeping a nice home.

He doesn't hurt me or disrespect me. But he makes me aware if he isn't happy about something. We don't have loads of conflict I guess because this is our choice.

Do you think it’s fair for your husband to carry such responsibility alone ?

I mean… really…how submissive are you, actually, OP? Like, if he forbade you from going to the toilet all day or something like that would you be submissive and obey him?

@Peachesx2606

Okay, I take back my earlier comment. What do you mean by he makes you aware if he’s not happy? How does he make you aware and what sort of thing that you would do that would make him unhappy?

I don't feel unequal as such. I like not having to think about everything.
I hope I am bringing my children up to know they can be anything they want. I don't push this ideology on them. I am very open minded.

Is your husband a leader or authority figure in any other forum? Company director/senior manager/pioneering scientific mind? Cult leader? MP?

Does he have any authority over anyone other than you, or is your household his sole fiefdom?

Yes, I am

If your son wanted to be submissive to a female partner, would you have an issue with that?

What if your daughter had a submissive male partner? Also fine?

But how do your kids feel about him making all the decisions concerning them? Especially the ones from your first marriage ?

If he insisted on doing something or making you do something you didn’t feel comfortable with would you submit to his wishes? If you can refuse his directives then you’re not really submissive are you?

That is a good question. It is something I would have to think about.

I understand about loving yourself. The truth is I don't think I do completely. Perhaps unconsciously I do feel my happiness comes from another's approval. I can see that isn't completely healthy.

It has been quite natural but also something we have talked about. I think you should really explicitly consent. And I do have a say in things but he makes the final decision in a lot of things.

Yes, he is very kind. He doesn't bully me. We have sometimes shouted at each other.

Hmmm...can you give me an example?

He never pushed it outside of 'normal' until I told him I was ok with him taking the lead. It sort of developed from there.

Sorry you’ve had some harsh responses. It’s the AMA board so not sure why some people are being harsh.

May I ask what does ‘outside of normal’ mean in practise?

And when you say you do somethings you don’t want to do (that aren’t bad), can you give some examples?

No judgment, promise!

I think it would depend on the context/situation.

@Peachesx2606

I really don't have a question. You do you.

But more than once you've referred to yourself as 'very feminine' as if that's justification for your decision. It's not.

'Feminine' does not mean 'submissive' in any way. 'Submission' is not an intrinsic feminine trait. Perhaps men of a certain ilk think it is (or it should be), but that's their mistake. You are choosing to be submissive in your marriage, it has nothing to do with 'femininity'.

I'm a very feminine woman in looks and mannerisms. But I am not 'submissive' nor have I ever been. A woman can be very feminine and still be decisive and and equal partner. Or even be a leader.