I'm a long term benefits user: AMA

[mycheeseplantiscalledcharles]

I won't bore you with the long back story but to sum it up I had a professional career then two of my DC were disabled, needing FT care. They are now 19 and I've been on income support and now UC for 18 years. I have always felt comfortable financially and never had any debt. AMA.

What are you hoping to gain from posting about it on mn?

Nothing. I don't know why this is a common response on AMAs. If you aren't interested feel free to scroll on.
Perhaps I should have said in my OP, I've name changed for this as don't want my posting history linked.

What was your career and income before you had to give up?

What age did you have to give up work?

How much do you have to live on per month now and what is that made up of?

Do you still care for your adult children full time. You are not telling us anything we don't already know by stating that you are comfortable financially, we know the benefits system is very generous. Those of us who work and have never claimed benefits are very happy for people who have real disabilities getting benefits, what we do object to is the millions of people pretending/faking/fabricating conditions because they can't be arsed working.

Do you have a spouse or other family member who helps and supports?
What does your day look like?

I don't think there's anything go ask. You've managed on your benefits and brought up two disabled childrdn. So well done.

Do you see a future where you can go back to work?
Even though you may have needed to be on benefits for 18 years, do you want to come off them eventually or does that feel scary?

What's the worst bit of being dependent on benefits?

Fair play to you. You had benefits to help you choose to look after your kids. I see nothing wrong with that.

One person's idea of 'comfortable financially' can be completely different to someone else's, so it doesn't mean much really.

But no doubt it'll needle those who are working and still living hand to mouth.

I suspect you're expecting replies to that effect?

How did you find the change over to adult services and the move from dla to pip, change from your uc to theirs? Do the LA lat you take some of their pip care component to put towards household bills? - i have a disabled yp and i've been told they can't contribute to household bills as their benefits will go on their sc plan minus disability relates spending at LA rates.

💐 must be difficult with disabled DC

Will your children need FT care as adults?

I was a teacher, had 1 DC then had premature twins. One of them was ill from birth but no diagnosis and I took a career break for 3 years. When career break ended I was 28, so I suppose stopped working when I was 25. Twin 2 was 'healthy' from birth but didn't meet milestones and as time progressed was diagnosed with autism and GDD. They have both left education now and are at home full time. Funding to day centres has been massively cut now and because neither of them fall neatly into criteria boxes getting somewhere appropriate is very difficult.
My income now they aren't children has massively reduced. I get £1100 pcm UC which includes housing allowance. I work 48 hours per month which is deducted from my entitlement, so I'd get more if I wasn't working. I use their PIP to pay the extra rent. They get £700ish UC each plus £700ish PIP each. I am the appointee for both so manage their money. When they were DC and I got tax credits I can't remember exactly the amount but all in was possibly around £3k pcm. That is much more than I would have got teaching and I felt embarrassed by that. I have always tried my best to give back to the community and support charities.

My DH had a nervous breakdown when twins were 5 and never really recovered. We are legally married but not together as a functioning team if that makes sense. DH had counselling and came out of it 'empowered' that this was not the life he had chosen 🤔

Are they completely dependent on you, or can they complete basic care?
It must be exhausting now they're adults, I hope you're getting help.

That's made me really angry. What if that happened to you, where would your children be? I'm not downplaying mental illness, and I hope he's recovering, but nobody "chooses" that life that you now have.

I've done as much voluntary work as I can over the years but only started paid employment 2 years ago. This was quite terrifying because I had to sort out night carers, who can let you down at the last minute or if ds1 has an infection sitters will not want to come (they are not equipped to deal with his medical needs). I am a bank worker in a support role for LAC so I choose my shifts in advance. This has been quite life changing for me, it's respite and something for me alone. I cannot see that I will ever be able to work a permanent contract whilst they are alive.

Thanks for answering. Sounds tough.

What made you have children so young, you must have only been out of uni and teaching a few years?

Empowered. What a dick!

Yes your H seems to have got a get out of jail free card there. for you, that must have been hard and a single woman raising severely disabled DC is exactly what the system is for.

Do you hope to help them transfer to a sheltered home? I know it can be a big worry about where adult DC will live once you can no longer care for them.

Xx

In a nutshell.

I hate being in the benefits trap but at the same time not having it is terrifying, if that makes sense. Things are better under UC than tax credits though. When I was on income support I could only earn £20 per week before it affected my benefits and I couldn't take the risk of even thinking about working then. It's better under UC but I still feel low about it. You lose your confidence, self esteem, knowledge of working would and also your friendship network changes based on employment status.

I think you’ve done an amazing job.

Astounded about your DH - who agrees to be a parent without considering the ‘what ifs’???

does he contribute financially?