I'm a long term benefits user: AMA

[mycheeseplantiscalledcharles]

I won't bore you with the long back story but to sum it up I had a professional career then two of my DC were disabled, needing FT care. They are now 19 and I've been on income support and now UC for 18 years. I have always felt comfortable financially and never had any debt. AMA.

If life was fair, the OP wouldn't have had to give up her career to care for her disabled children.

And her husband would've stuck around to help.

Why have they left education already? Why not keep them at college until they are 24 or entoled on supported internships if they are able?
I think it would be much kinder to get them settled in supported living when they are younger and more adaptable than waiting until you pass.

I’m sure OP could easily be in debt if she wasn’t careful. Let’s not pretend that people on benefits are living the high life, it’s mumsnet not the daily mail. 😉

how much impact has the cost of lving crisis had on you and your family?

Do you feel sad that you won't be able to leave your kids an inheritance or give them a leg up to get on the housing ladder?

So you have a partner who presumably works? It’s just interesting because your posts are very “me and my children” and not “us and our children”.

What does your DH do for work and why was it you that sacrificed your career entirely rather than find a way to share the load?

On your UC journals write in bold ‘COMPLEX NEEDS’. You don’t have to explain more but this means DWP cannot sanction payments without speaking with you first.

Try reading all her posts. Her DH is not around in a helpful way whatsoever.

I have worked in care, and saw many a woman crumple by the strain of having adult children with disabilities - all of whom said that any physical and financial support ended when they become adults. The saddest was a woman in her 80s whose son in his 50s who was still living at home, and due to his complex needs was often violent and very unpredictable. We had to go in 2 carers at a time as the risk was deemed so high, yet she was left to live with him and had had no life at all since she'd given birth to him. I was honestly scared by him.

You don't sound like the average benefit claimant OP. You've probably saved the Government an absolute fortune in terms of caring for your children.

This is off topic to your AMA, but I am a sibling to a disabled DB who requires specialist and residential care. Our ‘D’M flatly refuses to consider it, and when she dies it will be mayhem. Please, please look at this now. I know it feels atrocious and impossible but don’t leave it before it’s too late. Currently DM’s default position is that my siblings and I will pick up where she leaves off. We don’t and won’t agree to this.

You sound like you are doing an incredible job.

I'm sorry your husband is such an enormous dick. Does he not contribute anything time wise or financially?

Why are you unable to work now? Are you also disabled? Which, depending on severity, does not mean you can't work.

It grates when people on benefits can describe themselves as "comfortable and debt free" when this is a pipe dream to a lot of people who graft every day.

Can you go to the local authority and basically give them an ultimatum that either you need the downstairs loo or your DT1 must go into residential care? I know you wouldn’t do that, but surely they’d rather get you a suitable house than have to put DT into a residential?

I thought I had but missed that one. What an absolute arsehole.

New question, how did staying married benefit the situation because I’m not sure I could have tolerated him for a nanosecond after that revelation.

Yes im not sure anyone would choose to chsnge places with a parent of two severly disabled children.
Op is there not an option for your twins to continue in Education untill they are 25?
My son is severley autistic
And is currently in year 11 at a special school for children with severe and profound learning disabilties,
He will attend the schools " sixth form" for three years from september
And after that a special needs college that he can attend untill hes 25.

No it isn’t.

No they aren’t.

Because she's still caring for her two adult children? Where do you think they went?

Becsuse shes caring for two disabled adults full time ,who would care for them when she,s working?

Are you offering to care for her children while she works?

Them being adults does not remove their need for FT care (and very often lessens help people get).

The OP is a full time carer to two disabled people. She “grafts” considerably more than most people in most jobs!

Your children are so lucky to have you.
No questions, just admiration for you and zero for your husband.

Op, I'm really sorry that life dealt you those cards. I'm genuinely glad that our benefits system has helped you and your family ❤️

It’s an ignorant comment. Living on benefits gives no security because you could be arbitrarily reassessed for the slightest change in circumstances - especially with PIP.

And no, in my experience MN isn’t happy for anyone to have benefits, regardless of disability. So many of these threads end up echoing the ‘everyone can do something’ mantra.

Because although their EHCP is until they are 23 currently, that does not mean adequate provision is available. This varies quite wildly across the UK. There are a lot of disabled young adults who are supposed to be in educational settings and it just isn't happening.
Residential care will happen when I'm no longer able. For now, their needs are best met with me at home. I can give them what they need to maximise their quality of life. The standard of residential care can vary wildly and the LA will find the bare minimum. It can be devastating for parents who are no longer able to care for their DC to see the condition they are living in. Carers are very poorly paid and receive very little training and it can really show. Some adults don't leave their beds for the whole day. I will not be prepared to go down this route until I feel my care is less than that of somewhere outside the home.

Sorry for typos!