I'm a long term benefits user: AMA

[mycheeseplantiscalledcharles]

I won't bore you with the long back story but to sum it up I had a professional career then two of my DC were disabled, needing FT care. They are now 19 and I've been on income support and now UC for 18 years. I have always felt comfortable financially and never had any debt. AMA.

Also re benefits, after volunteering in debt management I've come to the conclusion that those just above the poverty line are the worst off. The reality of the matter is that a lot of people are in debt because they have made bad choices and no amount of extra benefits is going to alleviate their dc's poverty. I hate the fact that we are a poverty statistic, because I don't feel it. We've always had food, warmth and adequate clothing. When my DD started secondary school she (as a FSM pupil) was told to stand in a separate line in the canteen and she was really shocked that she was in the "poor line" as she saw it. That was devastating for me and it really knocked her confidence.

Why should you be ashamed of how much you receive? You need it and that's what it's there for. As a society we help those who need it (hopefully. And actually we don't really, but that's for another thread...)

I lost my job and am on universal credit and get fuck all because I’ve got a mortgage.. if I rented I’d get that paid it’s horrific. No one chooses this life! Op you are doing amazing!

Idk why you're doing an AMA. You're just a member of society who gets money from whichever legal sources you're entitled to.

What's different about being a benefits claimant to being a person on a low wage? Other than one of you spends some time at work and the other doesn't.

You could be on pip and be a billionaire. You could be on UC and have zero savings. It doesn't make you especially noteworthy r better or worse than anyone else.

🤔

For the poster who asked why I don't work, is because between the two boys my life is extremely unpredictable. I can be at 6 medical appointments per week (if more than this are scheduled I rearrange). I need to be at the hospital one hour before the appointment time to get into the car park. The health of ds1 is very fragile, he is very prone to infections and carers who come in x3 (for 15 minutes) are not allowed to deal with his medical needs when he is ill.
Before COVID I had started a placement with CAB where I was to train for 12 weeks (and because of my circumstances they were very flexible) and then I would be entitled to work on a part time basis. Lockdown commenced and everything stopped. When schools went back, ds2's assistant remained shielding as she lived with her DM who was elderly. Three months later they still hadn't found a new assistant and ds's confidence was lost and his anxiety sky high. He ended up going to school for 45 minutes x3 per week, and I had to take him and pick him up as he lost school transport because he was in for such a short space of time. Unfortunately most employers are not sympathetic to the extent that they can allow enough time off the manage the above!

When you say DH is invested in the DC, what do you mean? Does he look after them at any point?

I've got some free time, that's why I'm going it. DS1 is in an appointment and I'm waiting. There's a lot of assumptions about long term benefits users and I thought I'd give a different perspective. If it's not for you I understand.

Your daughter is at uni. Why does she need disability benefits? Is she expected to get a job when she finishes uni? If so, why would she need disability benefits?

Your situation is exactly what benefits are for. Sorry the husband was no show for most of it, I mean mentally.
What are you doing to set them up for when you're no longer around to look after them or just not able anymore?

He is emotionally invested in them and used to look after DD a lot (who only needed another adult present) and obviously cares about the boys deeply, but doesn't do any of the caring as such. His MH spiralled and he isn't in a position to do so. This suits me more as if he was living with us it would be more work for me. He didn't "fuck off" as such, but we came to the agreement that it was the best scenario to live apart. He isn't living the dream by any means, he is in a studio in social housing for people with MH issues. Due to medication he is not allowed to drive so is zero help that way.
On a side note, anecdotally a lot of fathers do actually fuck off when they have a child with a disability.

I wish people like you were publicly acknowledged and recognised as amazing and wonderful people. What you are doing for your boys is so far above and beyond the normal sacrifices that parents make.
I salute you and wish you every possible positive outcome for your boys and your lovely daughter, let’s not forget her.

I think most people who have assumptions about long term benefits users aren’t talking about people in your situation which clearly is outside your hands and not a choice.

That's very kind but I don't want/need any recognition. I feel very fortunate under the circumstances, I know there are many mothers in my situation and life has dealt them a much more trying hand.

Yes but they don't know the circumstances. When you read in the Daily Mail about long term benefits users people nearly always assume they just CBA to work.

This.

I'm particularly worried about the stats coming out about the 20-25% of yung people between 18-25 who are not working or in training or education, often citing vague "mental health" issues.

I think it's reasonable to assume that we don't have a level of disabling mental illness in a fifth to a quarter of our youth population, and that at least half of those claiming they "can't" work etc, should be required to do something productive (education or work)

We all know the advantages for mental & physical well-being of meaningful work. It's unacceptable that almost a quarter of 18-25 year olds are economically or educationally inactive.

Re support groups, I don't know if I have just been unlucky but I found them (and I've tried numerous ones) all very depressing. The dominant people within them are usually very attention seeking and competitive who has it worse types. I try to stay positive and therefore not going to these things is better for me. Mumsnet is very therapeutic for me.

The Father done a runner.

If you read OP’s posts you will learn that her DD doesn’t get disability benefits.

You are right- it absolutely winds me up that the prejudice against people on benefits means that the OP feels in anyway ashamed of what she has received. If she had not been able to look after her children or is not able to in the future, it will cost the state many more £1000's in care costs per year than the OP has ever received in benefits!

The OP should not feel ashamed in any way whatsoever!

If you are talking about my boys, they are not incapable of work because of mental health. I agree that the mental elf card (because let's face it many are not genuine) is something that needs addressed. I'm living in a very disadvantaged area and the stats are horrendous. More money needs to be allocated so that children in disadvantaged areas receive more intervention. They have to feel worthy and valued and in turn that they have a duty to give something back to society.

I totally get that. I find the same with support groups for my DDs condition. I know she is going to die before me, I do not want to sit around once a week/month and talk about how sad that is, how horrible it is going to be in terms of the illness and how bereft I’ll be after.
I want to enjoy her best I can while I can.

Do you worry that you might not have security for when you are older?

No, I'm not. Obviously, they are not capable of working, unfortunately. You are saving the state huge amounts by taking on their care.

It's those who manipulate the benefits system I worry about. As a childless woman, my "category" is regularly berated for being "selfish" and asked "Who's going to look after you when you're old?" Well, around 20-25% of young people today won't be. and the tax I pay supports about 3 of those sorts of families.

And your DH is the one I would criticise deeply in your set up. If he actually supported you & his DC, as is his ethical duty, us tax payers wouldn't have to. He's the "benefits scrounger" actually.

Why. It’s perfectly true. You can’t pick and choose - you’re awarded according to your circumstances.