I'm a long term benefits user: AMA

[mycheeseplantiscalledcharles]

I won't bore you with the long back story but to sum it up I had a professional career then two of my DC were disabled, needing FT care. They are now 19 and I've been on income support and now UC for 18 years. I have always felt comfortable financially and never had any debt. AMA.

It reinforces the whole narrative that people on benefits get more than they need.

My God, you are saint. How can you even look at him with anything other than contempt? I hope his parents have told him how fucking useless and self absorbed he is.

OP you are an incredibly strong woman.

This terrifies me in terms of housing. I should qualify for full state pension and I'm happy enough to have that, but as a private renter know that is a very dangerous position. I was in the same private rental for 10 years and it gave me a very false sense of security. In my city the rental market has gone mad and even if you can afford it then competition is very steep. As someone on UC with no work history and no credit score (I've never taken anything on credit) I'm not a good candidate. I'm really hoping to get any sort of council/social housing to give a bit more security.

Really? I had free school meals a million years ago, before anyone gave a stuff about things like cultural capital or equity, or stigmatising poor people and I never had to do that.

I'm not just a standard benefits user, I had 2 severely disabled children. A very significant chunk was because of the severe disability element and obviously that was X2. It's not the case that people on benefits are raking it in. Now I get £411 pcm and £360 is deducted as I get CA. It's not exactly going to facilitate a dream life.

citation: I have always felt comfortable financially and never had any debt. AMA.

this just answered all the questions I might have regarding the financials but I will be curious to hear the whole story, what you worked before, what did happen, did you lose a mortgage, did you move to a council property, what happened to your children and what you think will happen to them in their future when you will be gone.

Well at this point on the thread absolutely nobody has made any bitchy comments about the OP's position and all have been nothing but supportive. The vast majority of people think that this is absolutely what the benefits system is for.
The fact that the OP has recently been able to find work that fits around her children's needs and that she gives back to the community where she can is admirable.
Maybe you need need to rethink your strident, entitled attitude.

Disgraceful of the school to draw any attention whatsoever to children on FSMs

Your dd having to stand in a separate line is shocking. In my area the money is loaded by the council onto the childs lunch account and parents do the same. Nobody would know who gets funded lunches and who doesnt which is exactly how it should be.

Also I know plenty of people who are in debt because of bad choices. They spend there food budget on botox, nails or something else then cannot afford to feed there kids so you are right that no amount of extra money will change this situation because they continue to do the same.

How likely are you to get a council house? Do you have a disability social worker that can support you getting one?

Do you mourn the life that you and dc could/ should have had?

What the fuck are you on about? Nobody has posted a judgemental or nasty response to the OP 😳
Or they certainly hadn't up till you posting.

id say thats down to businesses not paying proper wages for the roles people do

This was a grammar school with very few FSM pupils. DD had no idea were were "poor" and she was upset about it. I queried this with the school and they said it couldn't be helped. Towards the end of her time at school they moved over to an online system where everyone used their thumbprint as recognition and this avoided this.

Not very likely, or at least not very soon. I have a high banding but so do thousands of others. We did have a disability social worker since the boys were one until about 15. They amalgamated 3 Trusts into one and our SW got her caseload trebled, so she kindly requested that she discharge us as we are managing well. In honesty she couldn't really do much anyway, cuts are affecting all services, but it was a helpful service for getting the boys into their schools.

Disgraceful on the schools part. No child should be made to stand in a separate line because of how lunch is charged.

That's not entirely the case if you read the OPs later posts. But certainly he provides little support to her due to his own disabilities.

I don't think so, but wish things were easier for them. I'm mournful about how my DD has been impacted, I've done my best for her but it's always in the back of my mind.
Edit: if anything I feel mournful for the life DH should have had. Very high achiever, could turn his hand to anything. He was the type that could talk on any subject and provide a solution for everything, and that was what really attracted me to him. He's an absolute shell of his former self. His parents were deeply embarrassed/ashamed/disappointed by his breakdown which affected him badly.

Don't feel ashamed, OP. You need it and you're entitled to it.

1. Smoking or vaping routine
If he doesn’t smoke inside, stepping out repeatedly for a quick cigarette or vape would easily produce 15–20 short trips a day. Each outing would be brief, habitual, and spaced in a way that looks almost mechanical from the outside.
2. Restlessness or anxiety-driven pacing
Some people manage stress, boredom, or anxiety by moving in and out of confined spaces. It can become a loop: step outside, reset, come back in, repeat. The frequency you’re describing fits that kind of behavioral rhythm more than any practical errand.
3. Caring for something just out of view
He might be checking on something nearby that isn’t obvious from your vantage point—e.g., a shared alley, a parked vehicle further down the road, bins, a storage unit, or even feeding an animal. Ten-minute cycles suggest “monitoring” rather than “travel.”
4. Delivery or informal work pattern
Not all work looks like a 9–5. He could be involved in small-scale, local activity—meeting couriers, exchanging items, or handling staggered pickups/drop-offs. That would explain the repetition, short duration, and lack of visible visitors.

Do your boys contribute to the home from their benefits? How does this work, do you transfer a certain amount to yourself for the shared household ? I’m just wondering how it works when you go from receiving additional for your children, to them being adults and needing to contribute to their home.
don’t feel bad for your situation, you are doing the best you can with what’s available. Your family is who the benefits system should support.

Thanks. I feel I invested it wisely.

Can you describe for us what an average day looks like for you?

Yes they do, I couldn't pay the rent otherwise. I receive their PIP into my account but their UC goes into their own accounts. I'm not really sure why as I'm their appointee but I didn't contest it. I use their cards to pay for services for them (OT, swimming instructors, other therapies) and make a note of what was spent incase I'm asked.