I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

Exploitative at best surely? Believes good looking women want to have sex with him so narcissistic surely?

I don’t think the money is as high as I expected. If you work in the beauty business couldn’t you train in aesthetics and earn more? Have you ever had therapy to look at why you run back to prostitution? Do you like men/date? I hope you feel you are in control of your work situation.

No question really but I'd like to say thank you for being honest that extras do go on in strip clubs, there are certain posters on here who still think women are stupid and try to convince us they are completely respectable places.

In addition, "crack of twat" has entered by vocabulary. Thank you pp for that gem 😂

Sorry OP to hear your story.

You think men SA due to sexual frustration? Why can't men control themselves instead?

The poster grew up in an abusive household that was so bad she left at 15 and then fell in to an abusive relationship very young. This can be a common pattern for abused girls.

The op has only resorted to this when she needs money. Any man that does not physically or mentally abuse or hurt her, I can see why she has deemed them sweet. I don’t agree they are sweet but understand why she thinks this way. I have worked for a DV charity in the past. This kind of reasoning is hard to understand for someone who hasn’t grown up with extreme violence that's bad enough for them to run away from home.

Just stay safe op. I despise men that buy women and who see them as a commodity.

Remind your KFC friend that she's unlikely to be killed, raped, strangled, contract an STI, need drink or drugs to get through a shift or end up with some kind of prolapse whilst cleaning the tables.

Do you pay tax on those earnings?

I don't think you should be meeting them in their homes, you could get murdered

Wtf. I can only imagine who's written this load of nonsense. I can assure you that I'm neither mystified or intrigued, so don't group me into your 'all of us'.

No-one cares about the men.
It's because their attitude dehumanises her and the contempt they feel for her is corrosive to a normal human beings self esteem.
Most of us care about the women exposed to their attitudes, which often extend from verbal demeaning to physical demeaning.
If you already have low self esteem and self worth you don't benefit from further damage.

"The op has only resorted to this when she needs money"

Interesting narrative.

She has literally said that she used to lapdance ( which apparently can be itself quite well paying) but then realised other dancers offering" extras " were earning 3 times as much so saw it as " easy money"

She also a qualified beauty therapist so has other sources of possible earnings...

What the fuck? You think prostitution prevents potential rapists from raping?? And your image of clients as 'lonely and gentle' is very naive.

Think it was an interesting question which may have deep psychological roots, or maybe not.I don't think it's victim blaming.

I can't think of anything more revolting than having sex with unknown, possibly unwashed, men paying to use my body.

I'd rather earn £300 a week stacking shelves @IAMAthroway

You must be a bloody good actress to show some kind of interest and lie back while they are thrusting away.

I hope you might 'see the light' and end this sordid way of earning.

You are a beauty therapist?
Surely you can earn that much by doing gel nails and waxing?

So if the “customer” is unhappy with the service provided in the “transaction” should he be entitled to a refund?

What a judgemental response.

Yes but if you read the op it’s very clear she only goes back to it when she’s short of money.

I hope you are saving a lot of this money for the time when you are too old to do this work. Putting money into a pension is really important. It creeps up on you.
I hope your mental health is robust too. I can imagine this kind of work makes you more vulnerable to disliking other people and being isolated and that isnt healthy.

I believe in choice - enabling and supporting women to choose what is best for themselves. You provided well for yourself and your family and you seem happy with your choices.

The bit I felt a bit sad about is that your young self did not appear to have too many choices. You did choose your path but you had a limited number of options. That’s the bit that worries me about prostitution. Not that women choose it - but I worry for the women in society who through no fault of their own end up choosing it because they didn’t feel they had too many other options.

I wish you all the best.

I don't think that risking your health and life every time you have sex with a stranger, for money, is a good choice though.

Regardless of infection, many women working as prostitutes end up in a violent situation. That's not a good choice.

OP is clearly intelligent enough to write long posts when she is half-cut, so it's not impossible she could have trained to be far more than a beauty therapist.

Set her sights higher, got a professional qualification, went back to college, further ed then higher ed...there are options now for people in their 40s.

Access courses leading to university courses or similar.

This.

If payment is coercion then we're all slaves. (and maybe we are!)

It's the element and kind of risk that is different though.

Yes, you could argue that many jobs have a risk factor.
But there is a back-up there with H&S, unions, HR etc and a responsibility on employers to make work safe (not just pay.)

Women who have sex for money from punters are at a very high risk.

No judgement here OP………just hope you’re taking care of yourself. Do you have a close friend who you can share your location with when visiting a client?…..just in case?

When did you get your degree?