I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

Do many of your friends and family know?

Hello.

How much do you make in a week, and how many men do you service?

very brave if you OP to post. I have questions!

where do you conduct your business?
how do you find clients?
how much can you charge or make on average per hour?

and do you agree with the narrative that women who are prostitutes aren’t in control or lack choice?

@GoldenNuggets08 No, I'm also a qualified beauty therapist, so if anyone notices me coming and going, I tell them I'm meeting clients for brows/lashes, etc.

@W0tnow I make around £400 per week for 3 or 4 clients per week, sometimes less if I am feeling lazy and CBA to get dressed and leave the house, sometimes more if I have unexpected expenses.

How do you find clients? Are the local? I'd be worried about someone I know booking me.

Are your clients dceent enough sorts or have you had any nasty experiences?

Do you worry about your children finding out?

How do you advertise/get clients?

Would you be happy for your children to do the same as you, if they also needed the money? Would you suggest it to them if they mentioned being worried about making ends meet?

Why did you start lapdancing at 18?

How many times have you been concerned about your physical safety?

Have you contracted STDs from the men who have paid you for sex?

Would you go back to it again if you didn’t need the money?

@Capricornandproud I advertise on various internet sites and meet clients in hotels or their homes.

and do you agree with the narrative that women who are prostitutes aren’t in control or lack choice?

This is a good question. The answer is yes, and no. For me, for the most part, yes, when I was young, I left home to escape abuse but I was street smart and lucky and managed to get bar/retail work way back when you could live on that kind of wage if you lived frugally, but I didn't want to live frugally, and like I said it was quick, easy money.

Later on in life, I have fewer choices because I have more responsibility, but there is still a safety net, it's one I choose not to use because it would mean changes to my/my children's life that I am not willing to make, but I am aware there are other options. If I won the lottery I wouldn't do it, but I am not unhappy with my choices any more than a shelf stacker in Asda is. It's not my first career choice, but it is what it is.

Saying that, I am very aware that there are women in the industry who very much do not want to be sex workers. So the answer to your question is, it depends on who you are. There definitely needs to be more support in place for trafficking victims. And less shame around the profession, so that those who do want to leave the industry don't feel too ashamed to access the services they need.

Why did you choose to be with your ex - knowing he was incapable of providing for you financially?

You left your marriage with nothing - I don’t understand when you knew of the transactional relationships with men that you chose someone who couldn’t provide for you.

My question is genuine. I am trying to understand why you made that choice.

@SilenceInside

Would you be happy for your children to do the same as you, if they also needed the money? Would you suggest it to them if they mentioned being worried about making ends meet?

Again, another good question. I wouldn't be happy, necessarily, but if it were through choice, I would accept it. If it were similar to my situation, where it is a choice but due to lifestyle preferences rather than basic needs, I would prefer to do it myself and give them the money.

I started lapdancing at 18 because I was poor, and those around me who were lapdancing weren't. I started dancing, and one stage lead to another. I left home at 15 due to abuse to live with a boyfriend, but ended up with an abusive partner instead of an abusive father. I left him at 17/18 when I was offered a transfer at work to a city centre branch (chain pub as a dishwasher), and it spiralled from there. Every step into the career was a choice, but at the time, it felt like it was a bad choice vs a slightly less bad choice, and sex work was the less bad choice.

I get tested every 8 weeks and have not caught anything yet.

If I didn't feel like I needed the money, no, I would not be doing it again.

All the guys I have met recently have been sweet, so I've been lucky, but when I was younger, I worked in a massage parlour/brothel there were times then when I didn't feel unsafe as such, as in, if I'd screamed for help there were bouncers but I did sometimes feel forced into doing things I didn't want.

You actually feel the men who are paying to use you are “sweet”?

Sorry but I don’t believe that

Thank you, OP, this is interesting. Can I ask if the sex is mechanical for you? Or do you sometimes enjoy it?

And is it hard to enjoy sex for pleasure in your private life once it becomes a job?

Did you ever come across anyone you know or who you know was married?

My relationship with DH is complicated and possibly outing, so if you recognize my usual username from this, feel free to message me directly, but please don't out me. Ditto if you're Fail Journo, quote this thread, but please don't link it back to my other usernames.

DH was capable of providing for us, but I was young and naive, so when he invested his money in property, I very happily signed all my rights away when the banks asked me to (for buy-to-let mortgages) because I was, at the time, a child (23/24 years old) and knew no better.

I left with nothing because it felt like my option was to stay and model yet more financial/emotional/physical abuse to my children while I fought him in the courts or go back to sex work and they'd be none the wiser. I could have survived on benefits at the time as they were more generous than they are now, but I opted not to because I didn't want my kids to equate marriage breakdown with poverty, as I never wanted them to feel trapped, like I was.

He died very suddenly and left all of his assets to DD.

I understand why you have to frame it that way in your head, but a man who coerces a woman to have sex with him is not sweet.

have you retained a friendship with any of the men?

wtf ? blame the woman instead of the useless, article of man!
Sorry OP, some folk will always blame women for everything ❤️

It's a bit odd to think that every man paying for sex is aggressive or rude.

@Batties I get why you say that completely, and when I was younger and felt less in control of who I was seeing, a lot of the men were not sweet, at all, but now I am older and wiser and more in control, I can pick and choose my clients and it's fairly obvious who is an okay person to meet and who is not from their first message. Most men I meet are lonely, shy, but otherwise okay guys.

@confusedbydating No, I have not. Although I do see that a lot of the men I see now want a friendship that's not my thing at all. I don't like most women enough to be friends with them, much less men.

A man who pays for sex, no matter how polite or mild-mannered he seems, isn’t “sweet”. Paying for access to a women’s body reflects an outrageous sense of entitlement, not kindness. It’s the opposite of sweet. He knows money is the only reason you’re there, and yet he’s happy to do it anyway. that says more about him than any surface-level politeness.

A person who is being coerced into sex, and that is exactly what is happening to you, is not truly consenting.

Have you had any dangerous or scary experiences? Or situations where you have felt incredibly vulnerable?

Also, have you ever done drugs?

Hi OP, thanks for this.

What do you think about men who use prostitutes?

What would you think of your DS if you found out he’d used prostitutes?

weird question - do you think you were/are particularly skilled sexually or was it just that you were willing to do things that men asked for?