I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

I think it’s your life and if it’s what your comfortable with don’t let anyone say different I have a very close friend in the same situation and she’s genuinely happy with the extra cash and things she can provide and then on the other hand I have another friend who cleans tables at kfc and is miserable even though what people would say she’s the one with a stable job etc.. do what’s best for you lovely everyone will judge no matter what.

I think there is a direct link between the abuse you suffered as a child and the fact you are now a sex worker. Do you agree?
thanks for doing this by the way - and I agree the stigma and shame needs to shift away from the sex worker and onto the client so that support is more easily accessed.

There are lots of men who can't provide for women and children yet are married. Are men on minimal wage not meant to have relationships?

Would you stop if your children found out?

It’s not coercion it’s a paid transaction.

Do all your clients want anal these days? 🤮

What do you think about Bonny Blue and her challenges?

I think that’s definitely the way it’s going yes, in which case there’ll be more demand for the OP services

It’s not consent when the other party can’t say no, for whatever reason be it the gas bill needs paying etc

So you've been abused by men from a very young age and believe that sex work is a valid choice and are happy with it?

I would say you can't see the wood for the trees.

If you had had a healthy upbringing with healthy male role models, you would not believe that this is a valid choice.

You get paid for sex because of toxic masculinity.

"It’s not consent when the other party can’t say no, for whatever reason be it the gas bill needs paying etc"

But the OP did say no at times. By her own admission she started offering her services when she realised how much more money other dancers were making.

OP doesn't see it as coercion and neither does the law. ...

Have you ever felt unsafe OP? Ie been in a situation with a man that you’ve felt unsafe about? If so, what do you do?

Does anyone in your life know?

Don't you feel too old to do it in your 40's? I assume the majority of men paying will want a younger woman in their 20's. What age will you stop?

That doesn't seem to be the case for OP though.

Do you think that sex work should be legalised and normalised and a career of sorts, say in the same way as a hairdresser? Not just for women, but also men, straight and gay, selling sex? Just like one would book an appointment and pay for a dye job, one could book an appointment and pay for say, a lesbian experience, or straight penetrative sex, etc...

I know it’s AMA but the questions about anal, do you orgasm … shall we have some respect?

Thanks, @IAMAthroway , and I wish you well.

Forgot my question. How do you find clients? I’m guessing that has changed a lot in the last twenty years.

Why does your adult DD rely on you financially when she inherited her father's entire estate?

Why the username?

When not if.

100% agree the shame needs to be tackled and this profession removed from illegality on the workers’ side (which forces women to work alone), better regulated and more support provided to keep women safe and help them leave, including trafficked, migrant women.

Anyone who’s interested should check out the English Collective of Prostitutes, who run campaigns: https://prostitutescollective.net/campaigns/.

It’s like responses to drugs. Making things illegal and saying people shouldn’t do it isn’t the answer. The answer is education, decriminalisation, a public safety/health approach and adequate financial and psychological support and protection to leave. Many more women have turned to sex work since social security (and support services) were slashed 15 years ago. The vast majority of people affected by the household benefit cap are lone women with children. It’s a disgustingly patriarchal policy no right-minded feminist should support.

Do you ever enjoy the sex for yourself or is it always strictly business

Do you think the terms sex work and sex worker should be used when selling sex or adult sexual exploitation come with none of the legal protections or benefits of employment?

2 questions:

Are you very attractive? I understand that when you were a young woman/teenager when you first went into it but you’re a lot older now. How do you compete with the younger Russian or Thai girls?

You describe your situation as a choice between poverty and being a sex worker. What stops you getting a normal job?

Because OP's children are young adults and she's still doing it right now, not twenty years ago - and if it's on the internet at all, or happening in the same area as her children and their friends reside, eventually the truth will out.