I turned down induction at 41 weeks. 6 days later my baby was stillborn. AMA

[willowwonder]

This happened over a decade ago now, so while it isn't raw and I am happy to answer questions - please be kind and remember I am a real person.

The background is this was my first pregnancy. I was in my 20s. I did an online hypnobirthing course which presented induction as a thing to be avoided at all costs. As I approached and then passed my due date, I saw a lot of info online around how a full term pregnancy is anything up to 42 weeks. I read stories of women declining induction and some even having their babies at 43+ weeks.

So when I had my 41 week midwife appointment, I was quite relaxed about declining induction. It was presented to me in a very optional way too - I think she said "we can book you in for induction now, or wait and hopefully it will happen naturally in the next few days". So I didn't feel like I was staunchly refusing medical advice.

I think that the bigger contributing factor was that I never had any continuity of care, the midwife at that appointment was one I had never seen before. Maybe something could have been picked up if I was being cared for by someone who knew me?

Saying that - obviously if I had been induced at 41 weeks, my daughter would likely have lived.

Any baby arriving safely is a success - no matter how they arrive. Your babies won’t care how they got here will they??

It wasn't the medical teams fault. They couldn't have foreseen that happening. The chance was 22 in 18000. So there would have been around 17.5k women whose babies wouldn't have died. She wasn't even over 42 weeks. If women feel safer getting an induction then that is totally up to them. But you need to look at the evidence and assess the risks. Just a random tragedy.

But that’s still an 11x higher chance of having a still birth without induction. Yes the numbers are tiny but I wouldn’t be playing fast and loose personally, knowing these facts. That’s what the numbers are there for though, so a mother can make her own decision.

OP I’m extremely sorry for your loss. It’s incredibly brave of you to share your story.

I’m so sorry. It is completely heartbreaking. Thinking about your baby girl.

im so glad you went on to have other babies but I do understand they will never replace your loss.

My baby was in acute distress and I had a crash section under GA after I went out of birth plan and opted for birth centre (the two things weren’t actually linked, I was supposed to have a labour ward birth due to previous c section but the baby in distress wasn’t actually caused by the same thin). Anyway if anyone ever asked me I would always say now, do the guidance don’t try to go against guidance. Not that you did but I did. And I would say just do as medics suggest.

Exactly. The only people that matter don't know or understand how it all went down. That's what mum's need to hear

The mums- the actual patients- matter as well. I hate this idea that women don’t matter when it comes to childbirth.

I read this too - horrendous. The women running this free birthing movement (business basically) should be locked up for a very long time it’s absolutely disgusting what they’ve told others to do. I don’t know how they haven’t been prosecuted. And I have to say in this day and age I cannot believe anyone would go along with their “ignore medical advice and let nature do its thing because it will definitely be fine” stance. It’s negligent.

Agree that the likes of NCT putting so much emphasis on natural births is super dangerous. Don’t understand why they encourage women to think they know better than an obstetrician it’s nuts. If medical intervention is advised then do it!

I’m so very sorry.

Both of mine went way over 40 weeks. Plus 13 days with DS1, 25 days with DS2. With DS1 I was induced after I bled a lot after a sweep. The induction was textbook and all was well. Almost 8 years later I was pretty complacent about going to 42 weeks, but having been told at 38 weeks by my very experienced regular mw that baby was on the large side, I delivered at 42 weeks by cs after his heartbeat was erratic when I was monitored. He was only a little over 7 pounds and the placenta had failed. He piled the weight back on quickly, but I clearly should not have gone so far over.

I too think that the push to exclude intervention has gone too far.

Well that's true, I'm sorry I didn't include us. I think there should be more MH support for mums during pregnancy. I for one felt so overwhelmed by all the information thrown at me after growth scans, etc. Although my DH was supportive, the pressure of making a decision induction v section v waiting is insane. I've done it twice and it all feels like a blur - it's too much.

We turn to NCT and similar for peer MH support but it's not always helpful.

And yes, having heard what my friends said about their NCT leaders, I steered well clear. I would not have had my babies without the wonderful Jonathan Hewitt at Liverpool Womens trying various procedures that got us there in the end. I just wish someone had told me with DS2 that I should have had an elective cs a week before I ended up having one. The care I received was mostly very good, but I don’t think a woman at almost 41 should be going to 42 weeks.

Thank you for sharing this OP. Like other posters I was induced at 41 weeks and always felt guilty for not letting my daughter arrive in her own time.

I’d also heard a lot about hypnobirthing and wanted a natural birth. I was disappointed in many ways. It’s very useful to hear this side of things too.

You are so brave to share this, big hugs to you. I was induced at 39 weeks due to gestational diabetes. They broke my waters by mistake and then sent me home as they had no place on the ward. I suffered at home for 24 hrs and then returned and had to wait in the antenatal day unit in a chair for 2 hrs. Finally after my DH told them I was really struggling, I could barely sit in the waiting room chair, they took me for monitoring. 20mins later the registrar came and saw me and told me my baby was in foetal distress. I was whisked up in a wheelchair and had a nurse rattling off what could happen during the emergency c-section so that I could sign a consent form. And then I went into theatre and had my baby. Luckily she was born alright and is 9 years old now. But it was incredibly scary and we came very close to losing her. Birth is a tricky process. Try not to second guess your decisions. We try to do what we think is right. I lost one baby at 6 weeks before I had my daughter. I always think their souls find their way back to you. I have two children now.

Hello OP — my baby arrived exactly on time at 40 weeks and was sadly stillborn too.
It happens, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.
I don’t know if you’re having feelings of guilt or not - I know I did, but I did come to terms with it, and the realisation that stillbirth sometimes just happens and perhaps more frequently than we realise.
Thinking of you. Take care of yourself.

It wasn't your fault they should have given you that care. I had 3 natural births before I had my last child and I knew he was not coming out naturally. I was 42 weeks and after being told I was pushing in the wrong direction I opted for an assisted birth. I informed the consultant and he told me to stop pushing and he will fetch the other consultant for me to sign papers. The midwife disagreed with my decision, I didn't care. He was a forceps delivery I had 15 people around me and when he was born the umbilical cord was soft and didn't need cutting off. He didn't need me anymore to feed on he needed to be born.

The next day when the consultant came to check on me he said I did the right thing. Apparently the other midwifes were complaining about me and my need for help and assistance. They wanted me to have a natural birth and who knows what could have happened. My midwife at the doctor's surgery did warn me it was going to be a tough birth. Unfortunately the midwife's at the hospital saw nothing wrong. My last birth was traumatic and I applaud you for not giving up on continuing to create your beautiful family.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this OP. It’s so sad.

I went to NCT with my first baby 16 years ago. Now I look back, after having four kids, and think they were basically birth fundamentalists. The course leader said she was going to talk briefly about the possibility of a c-section and if anyone wanted to leave the room they could. Two couples did! It was all so hideously anti-intervention. I asked what would happen if neither of us could do skin to skin and she said that if for any reason I had to be taken to theatre that I should go through the whole process on my own while my husband sat with his top off with the baby in case I died so that the baby had a strong bond with his dad. It was all completely whacko.

So I’m not surprised you made the decision you did. I hope things have changed now.

My antenatal classes were for women who wanted a water birth and to breastfeed, nobody else. A lot of it was airy fairy. There was little that was practical and nothing about monitoring movements for example. The only reason I was somewhat prepared for what actually did happen was because I was, unknown to me, developing anxiety and was hypervigilant once I had had the first round of reduced movement. I was exhausting myself with research when we have an actual health service with maternity care - I needed this information from midwives and the antenatal classes. And then after the birth once my daughter was recovered I was sent home after a traumatic experience with nothing. No acknowledgement, not a how are you, just snarky comments on my notes.

I actually don't have many complaints about my care from before and during the birth (apart from the unconsented sweep) - the midwives and surgeons saved my daughter's life. But that started with me, researching on my own. Ultimately all my interventions did start with induction and that's because there were complications. Not having an induction wouldn't have made the complications go away.

We can only do the best we can with the information we have and it's so clear that there is no consistent cascade of relevant information to pregnant women.

The statistics are clear that the risk climbs rapidly. You can’t see or check your baby, one day their are fine and a week overdue and the next day you don’t have a live baby. Once they are full term I just want them out, where I can see them and know they are ok, my body’s done its work of growing them and I don’t know when it’s going to stop. I have had two late babies, my first 12 days over that was induced, the placenta was ageing. For my second I asked for induction daily from 1 week over and he arrived after a painful sweep at 9 days over. They were both super healthy and ready to be born as was my 38 weeker third. I have no qualms about wanting them out and safe, they had no need of extra cooking time and were all much bigger than I was as a baby, classified as ‘large babies’.

And I have zero guilt for any of my advocating to have my babies born. Mothers should never be made to feel guilty for wanting to take the safe approach. I do feel the midwife who told me it was selfish of me to plan to give birth on the labour ward when other women might need it can fuck off forever though. Wish I’d complained.

Nothing to ask. Just wanted to say I am so sorry.

I’m so sorry. I refused an induction. I remember an older lady from the village gripped me by the hand when I told her and she made sure that I realised things could go wrong. I wasn’t so cocksure after that. I think those culty natural birth people are very biased

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.

I went on a course to learn hypnobirthing techniques when I was pregnant with my first (and only) child. I appointed a doula and arranged a home water birth - I lived 3 minutes away from the maternity wing at the time, if anything went south I knew that I could be bluelighted there while theatre was being prepped. Ah, the days when ambulance came quickly...

I went over my due date. At 40 + 1 I was on monitoring every other day. I had a horrific headache and felt sick, and at the monitoring session my BP was sky high so they sent me to hospital. Hospital scanned and the baby had no amniotic fluid and was measuring at less than 3lbs. Cue panic stations and an induction, with a caesarean scheduled if things weren't happening within 6 hours.

Because I had been so... brainwashed... against induction and yes, the cascade of interventions you describe, I was absolutely petrified. Everything I'd learned on my course went out of the window, I could NOT get into the zone, and that made me panic even more.

I fully believe in hypnobirthing still, but my birth and induction would have been easier if I hadn't learned a single bit of it.

Anyway. I just wanted to share that I understand exactly what is in your head if you're offered an induction when you've been told they're the worst thing in the world. Luckily for me, my son was born at a perfectly healthy weight - the scan was miles out - and as a healthy child, and there was no way they'd have let me dodge the induction. I'm so sorry the chips fell the way they did for you.

My story's similar - a very well meaning midwife let me go over and my placenta had failed. Thankfully we all survived (as we'd gone privately - so consultant was on hand).
Next time we just paid for consultant led care.

I admire your bravery and pragmatism in the face of your loss. Just like you say, we all make all sorts of random choices every day, doing our best, and sometimes, purely by accident, it all goes wrong.

I had to have a planned C-section for medical reasons with my first and I was losing my mind over it as NCT had hammered into me how a natural birth is the One and Only Way™. I'm not totally hating on them but seriously, they completely over-egg the splendour of natural births. Half of the women in our group ended up with C-sections, which almost certainly saved the lives of each one of those babies.

I always include my stillborn daughter in my numbers when asked. I have had 5 children. I struggled early days but struggled more discounting her. I'm not offended if someone else says I have 4 kids. X

My daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks 16 years ago. I took have blamed myself and played the what if the same as you. I had had a previous section and felt I had somehow failed. Vbac was a big thing so I opted for a vbac. My waters went my care was badly handled and I was sent home. I had a placental abruption, even though I was bleeding they told me to stay at home and monitor the bleeding. I have thoughts two fold why did I listen and why did I go for a vbac. The enquiry was a catalogue of errors. I have since had 2 rainbows. I am sorry for your loss and it's very good to raise awareness xX