I turned down induction at 41 weeks. 6 days later my baby was stillborn. AMA

[willowwonder]

This happened over a decade ago now, so while it isn't raw and I am happy to answer questions - please be kind and remember I am a real person.

The background is this was my first pregnancy. I was in my 20s. I did an online hypnobirthing course which presented induction as a thing to be avoided at all costs. As I approached and then passed my due date, I saw a lot of info online around how a full term pregnancy is anything up to 42 weeks. I read stories of women declining induction and some even having their babies at 43+ weeks.

So when I had my 41 week midwife appointment, I was quite relaxed about declining induction. It was presented to me in a very optional way too - I think she said "we can book you in for induction now, or wait and hopefully it will happen naturally in the next few days". So I didn't feel like I was staunchly refusing medical advice.

I think that the bigger contributing factor was that I never had any continuity of care, the midwife at that appointment was one I had never seen before. Maybe something could have been picked up if I was being cared for by someone who knew me?

Saying that - obviously if I had been induced at 41 weeks, my daughter would likely have lived.

I got to 41 weeks with no suggestion of induction, although DD was born at 41 +1, so perhaps it would have been suggested if she had held on for a couple of days more. I don't think induction had even crossed my mind at 41 weeks. My cousin wasn't offered an induction until she got to 42 weeks.

Please be gentle with yourself.

I’m so sorry for your loss. What advice would you give to people supporting close friends/family after a stillborn birth? What would you personally have found helpful or unhelpful? Particularly, and I hope this isn’t too upsetting to ask, approaching the first Christmas since it happened?

It's something that wasn't considered 45 and 43 years ago. My first and second baby were over 41 weeks I went into labour naturally with them. No-one seemed concerned. I saw the midwife weekly from 36 weeks and that was it.

Like cot deaths it was just unlucky then.

@willowwonder I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a friend maybe 25 years ago who did the same, thankfully hers was a happy outcome. This wasn't your fault, but I agree that the rise in women taking this option is scary. I found my NCT classes to be so militant about some things, I left mine terrified of being "weak" and having an epidural. And no way would I bottle feed, that was akin to neglect! Goodness.

I'd love to know what your daughter was called if feel able to share that.

Op I'm sorry for your loss.

I have to thank you for coming out to share your Daughters story. So many threads are started by pregnant women questioning should they get induced.

I came across a lady who had an emergancy section with her first child. Wanted a natural birth with her second. That baby didn't make it. The third was a planned section.

I firmly believe women are being lulled into a false sense of security on how dangerous giving birth and being born actually are. The two most dangerous things you can do.

Its only the other week from it was in the news over a woman who had no idea how close her first birth was. She died after the second birth.

We are fortunate the NHS pulls the stops out for women daily. We don't hear about that. We are removed from the dangers.

Hi OP, I am so very sorry for your loss, can I ask, did you receive any kind of bereavement counselling or support?

I am currently working with a mum who went home against medical advice after her waters broke early, she returned within 24 hours in labour and baby was born very unwell and looks like will have significant additional needs. There is no way to know if the outcome would have been different had she stayed, but she is overwhelmed with guilt and the not knowing.

I am so sorry for your loss. You made an informed decision and you could’ve made the opposite decision and it could’ve gone wrong.
I spent years trying to work out why my baby died. It’s part of grief. I did everything I could to have a healthy baby whilst a friend of a friend took speed to not put on too much weight, smoked and drank alcohol. Baby was fine.

I am really sorry you went through that awful experience. I went to 16 days after due date with my first because I’d been to an NCT class and so turned down an induction. Well I ended up having one anyway. I got huge and now have diastasis recti (abdominal muscle separation) to show for it. If I could do it again I’d have an induction ( and an epidural) at DD+1.

I think it’s really brave to share your story as well. My sister wouldn’t be induced until 42 weeks and we were all worried but her baby was fine so you just don’t know.
I hope you are coping ok now.
You couldn’t have known.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. It wasn’t your fault. I think you are very brave for sharing your story.

More generally, I think something needs to be done about some of the disinformation that is spreading about “natural” birth, especially online. We are so vulnerable in pregnancy. I think the origins of the NCT should be more widely publicised. Had I known I would not have paid for a course. I also wonder if we need to go back to the days when midwives required a nursing degree before specialising.

I go with statistics. The risk of still birth doubles after 40 weeks to 41 weeks then increases again at 42 weeks though the overall percentage is still quite low.

I'm so sorry OP. Thank you for sharing your story, women need to know the risks.

You did what you thought was right with the information you were given and that is the best any of us can do. Sending love.

They don't recommend it based on evidence either. What happened what a tragedy, but statistically very unlikely to happen to most women who turn down inductions.

Aww this has made me cry, you poor angel.
Your Mum was great, I can barely believe she had to do all that for you 😢.
I wish there was something I could say to make any pain go away.

The statistics from a. Cochrane review are that in a group where women were induced, 2 out of 18000 babies were still born, and the non induced over 41 weeks, 22 in 18000 were still born. So even though the number is way higher, it statistically has a very very low chance of happening. I think before people have a go at the idea of natural birth being harmful, they should take the time to actually look up the statistics. Induction should still be weighed up with the very real and very high risk of birth trauma that occurs with women who have it. Continuity of care and careful observation should be offered as standard. The OP was only young and seemingly very low risk. No one could have foreseen this. The chances were 22 in 18000.

What did you think NCT was for? It is a woman centred, evidence based antenatal course which was invented to counteract the highly medicalized, male dominated birth arena. If you don't do your research you can't blame the NCT because they didn't align with your views. They are basing what they do on evidence. Most of pregnancy and childbirth care is actually not based on evidence and is not women centred. So it's not an 'ideology' it's evidence based. Obviously there will be outliers as with any statistics.

People just join NCT now blindly not even knowing that they are proponents of normal physiological birth, when previously it would have been a place for like minded people to meet, now everyone joins, then slags them off. Do your research. Women have to because men in charge never have.

No questions really. You must have been totally shattered. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Statistically the chance of a still birth goes up the longer you go overdue. You got lucky. The OP, tragically, did not.
My MIL had a still birth at 41 weeks. She still cannot talk about it.
I get so angry at hypnobirthing / reject interventions etc. Woman and babies regularly used to die in labour. Why is it not so frequent now? Medical intervention.

But statistically more likely. Only slightly, but still more. That’s a fact.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no questions but I just wanted to say that I would have made the same decision as you as I was facing it myself at a time. I’m really sorry.

I am so sorry.

I wasn’t offered induction until I was 40+13. This was standard practice in my area (4 years ago). I think a lot of people would make the same decision as you.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

It’s really difficult, isn’t it? We’re told to trust our bodies by the NCT, then we’re told to trust the doctors by … the doctors.

i wanted a natural birth with dd, but she was breech throughout. Had an ECV and she didn’t move. Had a CS and it turned out she had the cord wrapped three times around her neck and literally couldn’t move. If I’d gone for a natural birth, she’d have died.

All we can do is make the best decision we can at the time, backed up by research and medical advice.

You didn’t do anything wrong. 💐

Sure. I knew all that about the NCT, but they still frightened the life out of everyone in the CS class. They got everyone to stand around the ‘labouring women’, to show how loud and busy a CS would be compared to a birthing pool. 🙄🙄

Not helpful, as 3 out of the 6 in my group had a CS. They would have been better being more objective and unbiased.

NCT is awful. They convinced my sister in law that she had failed because she had forceps and an epidural. Without it, her baby would’ve died. She had a shoulder dystocia

I am so, so sorry for your loss. :(