I turned down induction at 41 weeks. 6 days later my baby was stillborn. AMA

[willowwonder]

This happened over a decade ago now, so while it isn't raw and I am happy to answer questions - please be kind and remember I am a real person.

The background is this was my first pregnancy. I was in my 20s. I did an online hypnobirthing course which presented induction as a thing to be avoided at all costs. As I approached and then passed my due date, I saw a lot of info online around how a full term pregnancy is anything up to 42 weeks. I read stories of women declining induction and some even having their babies at 43+ weeks.

So when I had my 41 week midwife appointment, I was quite relaxed about declining induction. It was presented to me in a very optional way too - I think she said "we can book you in for induction now, or wait and hopefully it will happen naturally in the next few days". So I didn't feel like I was staunchly refusing medical advice.

I think that the bigger contributing factor was that I never had any continuity of care, the midwife at that appointment was one I had never seen before. Maybe something could have been picked up if I was being cared for by someone who knew me?

Saying that - obviously if I had been induced at 41 weeks, my daughter would likely have lived.

I actually found that quite helpful as meant I wasnt shocked by how many people there were when I had my CS, although I suppose it depends how the teacher presents it. I remember them being very anti epidural now
which Im still annoyed about.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Sounds like you might have been pregnant around the same time as me. I don’t think as much was known about going over due date then. As a first time 40+ mum, at 4 months pregnant, the first time I visited the hospital some research staff tried to recruit me onto a study into still birth and older mums. As it happened, I was prepared to be approached about this study as someone on Mumsnet had posted about being upset to be asked. It was about determining if inducing 2 weeks prior to due date reduces mortality. The study design was random allocation to either early induction or go to term or plus term. I am a scientist in another discipline so I looked up all the academic papers and decided that, based on the evidence, I didn’t want to be randomly allocated, I wanted an induction pre term, which I got, and nothing to do with the study. Before that, I knew nothing about inductions other than that they were associated with fast painful labour and had a vague sense that your body would take care of itself, so yes, I can totally see why events panned out as they did for you.

again, I really am so sorry. You have been through such a lot. I can’t imagine the pain and loss.

Im so sorry and I cannot understand why they treated you like that.

Thank you for this thread. I'm sure it will help other women to examine all their options surrounding labour and delivery, and to make sure they are fully informed. It's really brave of you to share your story. What happened to you and your daughter was absolutely tragic, and none of it was your fault. You were failed by lack of continuity of care (as you say), and nobody following you up after 41 weeks.

I had my second child at home at 41 weeks, but knew I was in the system and had she not arrived on that day (a Sunday) I would have been seen the next day or the day after that, to discuss induction or regular scans. I was very fortunate but know that risks can increase the further overdue you go. We had a family friend whose baby was due on January 27th, in the early 1980s. Due to a catalogue of disasters, she was allowed to go weeks and weeks and weeks overdue. He was born on March 1st, with brain damage due to the placenta not woeking properly. :(

I don't have any questions - I was going to ask if you wanted to tell us about your daughter, and you already have. She sounds beautiful. Would you like to tell us her name?

I don’t have a question but I just wanted to say that you don’t know for sure that everything would have worked out if you had had an induction. Sometimes it is just shitty luck and there’s no rhyme or reason.

I also turned down an induction at 41 weeks. I had my baby naturally bang on 42 weeks and fortunately wasn’t as unlucky as you as she was fine.

I have heard many a horror story about inductions that resulted in terrible emergency c sections and so I would make the same choice again.

So sorry for your loss ❤️
People also lose their babies earlier, at 20 weeks,28 weeks, at 33 weeks
That all happened to people in my family so who knows?
I had 2 kids, both inductions.
First was born at 42+4
I felt fine and only agreed under pressure, she was born at 8 pounds.
With my son they offered me an induction at 41 weeks and I agreed because I felt awful. He was nearly 10 pounds and had to do quite a bit of recovery, he got stuck, then he had low blood sugar.
My daughter's birth was miles easier even though she was born at nearly 43 weeks!
So, I think in your case it was just one of the unexplainable things, and I'm so glad you had more children ❤️

… actually I do have a question and apologies if it is offensive in any way. If non-medical people ask how many children you have, do you say 3 or 4? I ask as a
friend lost a baby, not still born but a few weeks, completely unexpected. If mentioning number of children comes up I never know whether to say 2 or 3 even years later. Obviously I know the child isn’t alive but it seems wrong to not acknowledge they were here. How do you feel about this?

I can imagine a little bit how you must have felt back then @willowwonder 💐My youngest was born at 31 weeks as I had reduced movement, well I couldn't remember when I'd last felt her move. The midwife couldn't find a heartbeat the first time she tried, and honestly I felt such panic, but then she found it.

My first was born at 41+3 28 years ago, and two days before I was due to go in and be induced, something I really didn't want to happen.

I’m so sorry OP. It is not your fault, it’s the medical team’s fault for allowing you to go that long past your DD. Medicine in this country is shit. Where I grew up they would never let you go 3 days past your DD because of increased chances of still birth and maternity mortality. Research is very clear on this.
Homebirthing is the same- Mumbo jumbo rubbish that many believe in saying birthing is natural, yeah and so is death.

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.

I was induced at 41+3 but as some others I’ve read so much on how in other countries you can still easily go for another week or two; and I so wanted to have a natural birth.

There’s a lot to be said for birth being over medicalised but in some communities / NCT groups etc there’s a sense of shame if you don’t give birth naturally. That’s really damaging. I’ve met several new mums who were upset and traumatised not so much by the birth interventions but just the idea of not having done it ‘properly’ and feeling ashamed. I’m for one grateful for my emergency c-section that gave me my healthy baby daughter, and don’t need the pitying looks from the natural birth warriors.

I felt I had failed too, at first, and I think I’d have better psychologically if the NCT had prepared us better.

But I still meet up with my NCT group each month 22 years later!! So it was good for that…

So sorry for your loss.

It was weird reading your post, as a friend had an almost identical experience - including declining induction. She was 42 weeks when it was discovered her baby had died, and she too delivered her baby a couple of days later.

It's incredibly sad. You were brave to share this.

Are you in the US? I don't believe this would happen in the NHS

Sorry for your loss. Like you say, the midwife didn't present it to you as important to do, so I can see why you felt relaxed about declining.
I went to pregnancy yoga 20 years ago and the woman running it was against ultrasound scans. She said "ultrasound can be used to demolish buildings, so think what it can do to a baby."

From someone who knows. Thank you for sharing.x

I’m sending you a big hug OP as someone who has also experienced a stillbirth. I also get frustrated about lack of general awareness in pregnant women of certain risks, and in relation to my situation, the dangers of baby being breech. I lost my daughter, my first baby, due to her being breech. At 35 weeks my waters broke and as she was feet-first rather than ‘bum down’, the cord prolapsed cutting off blood and oxygen supply. We didn’t know she was breech as there were no issues throughout my pregnancy. Even if we had known, at 35 weeks the medical team would not have been able to prevent this. I begged to be induced at 37 weeks on the dot for my second and because of the level of my anxiety this was agreed and all went very well (though baby had turned at some point between 36 week scan and the 37 week scan - had extras because of my history). My third pregnancy I couldn’t be induced at 37 weeks as baby was still breech and they wouldn’t do a c-section until 39 weeks. I ended up having emergency c-section at 37 weeks as waters broke again while baby was still breech. Luckily all ended well.
what I wish women knew is that if your waters break when you know your baby is breech, you must get down into a Muslim prayer position (forehead on ground and bum in air - best way I can think to describe it) to avoid risk of cord prolapse. I managed to do this with my third and I’m convinced it saved his life. Women need to know the harsh realities as well as all of the nice bits about pregnancy so we can make properly informed decisions. It’s horrible to think about but the truth is that things can go terribly wrong at any point, you are not safe at 12 weeks which is what seems to be the general view

I was similarly relaxed when I reached 41 weeks with no sign of labour and refused a sweep as I was happy to wait for nature to take its course. They sent me for an ultrasound to check up before I left the hospital and said one of my sons health measures was declining and they would need to induce me. I was really shocked, everything had been perfect in the pregnancy up until then. I was very fortunate my son came out ok and I am so so sorry for your loss. But don't be too hard on yourself either, I too would have walked away without interventions at 41 weeks if it wasn't for that scan and your story haunts me.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m also shocked. 20 years ago I had my first child at almost 42 weeks- induction was never brought up to me as an option or something I’d even heard of. I was told that if I got to 42 weeks then I’d be offered a c-section
Had another 2 babies and during those pregnancies I came to read more about inductions but in the context of, ‘for medical reasons’ or if the mother elected to have one in special circumstances (ie a friend had an induction just over 39 weeks because she had had a previous difficult birth and her mental health was in bits). I had all mine between 41-42 weeks and induction was never presented to me as a choice/something I should do/at all up- apart from at 41 weeks having (unsuccessful) sweeps as a form of induction.

Nope, NHS and not even a good hospital either tbh, they were fiercely against going over 40 weeks and really upped it after 41 weeks. They tested everything and had me sat on those monitors strapped to your belly every day. Scans to check the fluid and blood flow in the umbilical cord. Looking for any deviation from perfect

It is an ideology. You should read up on its origins.

@Hedgehogbrown

that’s totally unfair. Of course I wanted a non medicalised natural birth that it was possible to get through with breathing and a Tens machine. But that wasn’t the reality for me, or for many women. The NCT do not have a disclaimer on their website stating that they only push one type of birth and encourage you to decline medical interventions - how would a first time mother know?

I’m so sorry for your loss, it must have been terrible. And them leaving you for 2 days afterwards is horrendous. I know you explained it, but did they give you any indication what happened? Why did she just pass away?
how was your relationship afterwards? Did your DH/P suffer with emotions of blaming you? Did he see it as your choice not to induce or did you both decide?

They promote evidence based advice. It is based on evidence. What you do with that is up to you. With hospitals their advice is often based on procedure, not evidence. If the NCT didn't exist, women would still be birthing on their back, with bright lights and men telling them what's best (when they actually know fuck all about women's medicine)

I don't have any questions, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story.

I've been feeling a bit of a failure after two c-sections - after two failed inductions - my body just doesn't seem to want to labour. My first was at 38 weeks due to a small baby and reduced movements. It probably saved her life. The second was at 41 weeks. I wasn't "allowed" to go beyond 40+6 because of my previous section and this baby was on the small side, too. I did everything I could to get it started and had started to dilate by myself (too much to insert the balloon even!) but I was on a timer and he wasn't quite ready.

I've been kicking myself about not waiting longer, but I beat myself up for my "failures" but stories like yours remind me that I could have so easily been in your shoes twice over if I'd refused guidance. And I only feel bad about myself because of the ideals held up by orgs like NCT. All that matters is getting our babies here safely.

Thinking birth should be medicalized is an ideology as well women need to go with what is evidence based and make their own decisions, not blame organisations when they haven't don't their own research.