My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

[tummyduck]

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

How old will your daughter be before you send her off?

You don’t have to be “clever”. You have to be rich. Very goady thread.

No. They have lots of female cousins, a sister and their friends sisters. In 6th form, girls join

Could they have lived with their grandparents and gone to a day school or just be weekly borders, do they need to stay at school every weekend, where do they spend school holidays.

Oooh I bet 6th form’s a shag fest!

You’re missing out on so much. Whatever you’re ‘gaining’ by them being at boarding school is nothing compared to what you would gain living with them.

I have two boys and I loved them living with me (both now young adult and building their own lives, empty nest is soon approaching). I have so many precious memories of the years we have spent together.

Fine with me, as long as you don't think you and your family are better or more important than everyone else.

You aren't; you are just more privileged and fortunate.

Do you worry about drugs? Everyone I know who went to boarding school (including prestigious ones) took a lot of drugs while they were there. One never recovered and still lives with his parents aged 40, unable to work. 😔

Do you believe you patently differently to others within their friendship group? My daughter was at a summer residential with quite a few recently and she said all bar one boy displayed the most twattish behaviour she's ever experienced. She also says they're also ridiculously out of touch with 'reality'.
I was interested in what the parents of the other boy do differently to make him a more 'palatable ' individual.

I went to a “prestigious boarding school”. I received a top-notch education which set me up for a top-notch university and I have a successful career. I hated every second of being separated from my parents (who lived abroad, like you) and have struggled in my romantic relationships (I am twice divorced) due to my lifelong inability to deal with difficult emotions, which was how I learnt to cope at boarding school, where no one cares if you had a bad day/argued with your friend/didn’t get picked for the team/had your head flushed in the toilet by your school bully. I never discussed any of those things with my parents at the time because I knew implicitly that they could do nothing about it. They thought I was having a lovely time (I did well academically).

Having recently had a couple of years of therapy, I understand much better now my responses to challenging emotional experiences. However, I’m not much closer to being able to change my behaviour so have avoided getting into a new relationship.

The “prestige” of boarding school is not worth the emotional damage caused by being sent away from your family for extended periods, in my experience.

Do you work?

What’s your household income?

Do you feel like you have chosen your husband over your children? Do you feel like you really had a choice - or have you been railroaded by DH and his family? Did they want to go? Would you of liked to stay in England, whilst DH travelled?Did you have that choice? Why can't you see them more when you are at home? Would they like to see you mid week or for the whole weekend? Will DD also go to boarding school at 11? Is it the tradition for girls in DH's family too? Is there am option to be a day pupil at their school?
Sorry, lots of questions!

So you dont even see them every week then? You said you live abroad 6 months of the year...

I'm trying not to judge, Im trying really hard as families have to make their own decisions but this is just making me so sad. Choosing to not see your own children for 6 months at a time.

You cant have a relationship based on that. Even if you talk everu day on the phone, that is not a relationship.

Actually for their school, you have to be bright. 25% come in on assisted places and my fees pay for them and I am happy about that

Why don't they stay with their grandparents then? At least they would be in a home environment. Even worse that they live that close to family and still board.

I actually don't have an issue with boarding schools, but this would cross a line for me, to choose a school with no consideration of the individuals just because their father went there and then have them board when there are relatives just round the corner.

The Making of Them Did you fully research the psychological impact of boarding before sending them? Not saying they won’t be ok but just interested as so many people I know have been effected

long weekend every half term. Then half term. Then i am normally popping back to the UK every other weekend or so for their concert or a match or something

If your husband had gone to a non-prestigious boarding school, would you still have sent your kids there?

(I'm wondering if you sent them because it's prestigious or because it's a boarding school)

Yes , I definitely have , and have so much respect for survivors of institutional abuse . It takes a lot of courage to speak out

There are some incredibly bad boarding schools out there. I wouldn’t dream of sending my kids to a bad school

No thanks, couldn’t give two shiny shits 🤷🏼‍♀️

That didn’t really answer that question I don’t think

Only on MN where you will see threads making all sorts of excuses discussions about “social injustice” when talking about some scumbag, neglectful single mother who couldn’t care less about her kids will you get a mother slated for giving her happy children the best education money can buy 🙄.

we definitely did consider them as individuals before making this decision. My husband was very happy there too so that helped inform my decision

My DH went to boarding school because his Dad got a job in mainland Europe and his Mum went with him. I appreciate this was a long time ago but DH has never really forgiven either of them. He never told them how unhappy boarding school made him.