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AMA

My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

1000 replies

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 13:25

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

OP posts:
tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:21

Gloriia · 08/08/2025 09:17

I think an ego boost. She knows its an odd set up as most kids in prestigious boarding schools have the posh lifestyle and background to match not military family lifestyles. I wonder if the op's feeling it and thought everyone would bolster her a bit.

Edited

yes, that’s it- are you a mind reader ? i was looking for someone to stroke my ego

OP posts:
tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:23

Gloriia · 08/08/2025 09:21

Why didn't you stay at home on a miitlaty base to offer stability and parenting more than odd weekends and summer hols? Your dh could then pop home occasionally?

Edited

The military don’t provide you two houses do they. One for each parent ?! I think the tax payer would have something to say about that

OP posts:
notwavingbutdrowning1 · 08/08/2025 09:23

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:04

Maybe I need to work on my humility. I went to state school. They should have taught me more about humility ?

It the job of the parents to teach children about humility. But I can see why in your circumstances you would think it’s the schools.

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:25

Gloriia · 08/08/2025 09:18

' I have a career'

Volunteering is admirable, I've done it myself in dry periods but it is not by any stretch a career

do you like tearing other woman down on the career choices on the internet? You also sound a bit unhappy

OP posts:
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 08/08/2025 09:27

I love how you're handling this OP ❤️.

People frothing at the mouth as if theu know your kids better.

As a product of boarding, if your kids love it, anything anyone else says is just a passing opinion.
I'm glad my parents put my wants before some strangers "concerns".

The jealousy from some is astounding considering they don't even know you or your kids.

Seems a hard concept for many to reconcile that it's possible to be a boader and love it, be happy and love your parents.

Same there are day scholars who hate their parents, go NC or end up in dysfunctional relationships.

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:27

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 08/08/2025 09:23

It the job of the parents to teach children about humility. But I can see why in your circumstances you would think it’s the schools.

i think humility is often taught by conversations and exposure to other ways of living- luckily my kids have both of those opportunities through us.

OP posts:
notwavingbutdrowning1 · 08/08/2025 09:31

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:27

i think humility is often taught by conversations and exposure to other ways of living- luckily my kids have both of those opportunities through us.

You seem remarkably self-satisfied, OP. Boasting of your humility is really quite something.

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:31

MissHollysDolly · 08/08/2025 07:33

Are you looking forward to spending your latter years alone when your boys put you into a prestigious nursing home, sell your house to pay for it and then visit one Sunday every half term?

If I am lucky! Me and my other emotionally neglecting friends could start a support group in our residential homes even.

OP posts:
SixtySomething · 08/08/2025 09:32

My children went to a non-prestigious day school.
Ask me anything.

Letskeepcalm · 08/08/2025 09:33

SixtySomething · 08/08/2025 09:32

My children went to a non-prestigious day school.
Ask me anything.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2025 09:34

Gloriia · 08/08/2025 09:21

Why didn't you stay at home on a miitlaty base to offer stability and parenting more than odd weekends and summer hols? Your dh could then pop home occasionally?

Edited

Exactly
I know military families when the non military spouse stays put and the DC have much more normal lives

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:35

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 08/08/2025 09:31

You seem remarkably self-satisfied, OP. Boasting of your humility is really quite something.

Who is boasting ? That is your projection. Am I satisfied with my self? sometimes? But I sometimes wish I was 3 kg lighter and less tired

OP posts:
Sadthymes · 08/08/2025 09:35

It’s interesting that you accuse me of making assumptions and have made an inaccurate assumption that my DD’s are at a state school.

You have also blamed my DD for the boys behaviour regarding rape jokes

Gloriia · 08/08/2025 09:35

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:25

do you like tearing other woman down on the career choices on the internet? You also sound a bit unhappy

Pointing out volunteering is not a career is not tearing you down. You clearly have deep seated issues wirh your dc been in a different country and are seeking validation. I think the person to talk to is your dh not mumsnet.

Can't he be posted to the UK, how long has this posting gone on for?!

I'm very happy thanks.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 08/08/2025 09:37

@tummyduck could you explain what you mean when you say your boys have opportunities to experience people living other ways of life? I ask because my DH went to Boarding School then Oxbridge and, until he met me, had never been inside a social housing/council house. He just didn't know people whose parents didn't own their own home.

How do you ensure your boys make friends with a variety of people from diverse backgrounds?

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:38

Gloriia · 08/08/2025 09:35

Pointing out volunteering is not a career is not tearing you down. You clearly have deep seated issues wirh your dc been in a different country and are seeking validation. I think the person to talk to is your dh not mumsnet.

Can't he be posted to the UK, how long has this posting gone on for?!

I'm very happy thanks.

You know that that old thing called national security — somebody has to do it , and it can’t all be done from the UK. It is not always what the individual wants in the military - it is where your skills are needed . Duty and service.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 08/08/2025 09:39

Some people see the world in black and white.

I send my DC to a state school and I seriously worry about potential damage to their mental health. Yet some people on this thread assume it's the right thing to do.

Some people also assume staying in the UK and only seeing the DH now and then would be the right thing to do. As though they've no concept how difficult it is to hold together a relationship that way. And would a failed marriage be best for the DC?

Yohoho3 · 08/08/2025 09:39

Working at a boarding school, I see that the school is set up to replicate a family as much as possible (can never replace-obviously). No screens (except on Sundays), endless fresh air, nature, healthy food and exercise, which are aspects I love.

Each child is known to all of the adults and a team of matrons (pastoral) and a school nurse constantly liaise with academic staff and vice versa. Behaviour challenges tend to be minimal, so more content is covered in class, which is satisfying as a teacher. SEND levels are similar to state, but there are more resources to cater to those pupils.

Teaching staff are 50:50 state educated and ex independent boarder types who have wealthy families, so there are varied underlying political views on the staff. Everyone is similarly dedicated to state school staff- it really is an exhausting “above and beyond” job whenever children are involved.

Boarding is a culture, and whether we necessarily would want it for our own children is irrelevant. There are families that do things this way and there are positives and pitfalls as there are with all choices in how we educate our children: home ed, independent, state, boarding, international etc

Gloriia · 08/08/2025 09:40

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2025 09:34

Exactly
I know military families when the non military spouse stays put and the DC have much more normal lives

Anecdotal but the families I know where both parents chose to leave and their dc were left in boarding schools have lifelong dysfunctional family issues. Yes some love it at 13 and 14, it's all rugby and midnight feasts. Ask them at 20, 30 and 40 and its a different story they tend to have a lot of resentment and parents are bottom of their list when it comes to contact.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 08/08/2025 09:44

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:18

One of the biggest indicators for a child’s happiness is having two parents that love eachother in a stable relationship. Fortunately our children have that and we have chosen to put their stability over our desire to drag them around with us to countries they don’t want to go to and schools they dont want to attend

“One of the biggest indicators for a child’s happiness is having two parents that love eachother in a stable relationship.”

That is, when they actually live in that same stable parental relationship environment. If they’re away somewhere else then their parents’ relationship is far less relevant.

Welikebeingcosy · 08/08/2025 09:45

My question is, how do you juggle your work and full time parenting, during the long summer, Easter, Christmas holidays etc?

MumWifeOther · 08/08/2025 09:48

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 09:02

I do have a career, but are stay at home mums not role models too? I would love to think I bring up my boys to respect the roles women do - in the home or out of it.

You’re not a stay at home mum.. well, not to all your kids anyway

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 08/08/2025 09:51

Yohoho3 · 08/08/2025 09:39

Working at a boarding school, I see that the school is set up to replicate a family as much as possible (can never replace-obviously). No screens (except on Sundays), endless fresh air, nature, healthy food and exercise, which are aspects I love.

Each child is known to all of the adults and a team of matrons (pastoral) and a school nurse constantly liaise with academic staff and vice versa. Behaviour challenges tend to be minimal, so more content is covered in class, which is satisfying as a teacher. SEND levels are similar to state, but there are more resources to cater to those pupils.

Teaching staff are 50:50 state educated and ex independent boarder types who have wealthy families, so there are varied underlying political views on the staff. Everyone is similarly dedicated to state school staff- it really is an exhausting “above and beyond” job whenever children are involved.

Boarding is a culture, and whether we necessarily would want it for our own children is irrelevant. There are families that do things this way and there are positives and pitfalls as there are with all choices in how we educate our children: home ed, independent, state, boarding, international etc

You see this is the sort of answer I think we all hoped for from the OP. I have valid reasons to disagree ideologically with private schooling. But I am interested to read this post and I feel it has expanded my knowledge.

I’ve learned nothing from the OP’s posts.

sonnyfoools · 08/08/2025 09:51

Welikebeingcosy · 08/08/2025 09:45

My question is, how do you juggle your work and full time parenting, during the long summer, Easter, Christmas holidays etc?

Edited

best question 👏

Letskeepcalm · 08/08/2025 09:52

I have a friend whose husband went to a' prestigious' boarding school.
He can be extremely charming and engaging at times. However, he can also be incredibly distant, arrogant and condescending. But I of course realise that could be down to personality (?).
He has chosen to live his entire married life away from his family ( two kids, now adult), abroad (for tax reasons) and only visits them every few weeks for the weekend.

Learned behaviour?

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