My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

[tummyduck]

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

Sorry but you didn’t answer the question. I didn’t mean what did you talk about tonight.

How often do you talk with your boys about life through the lens of a girl/woman, bearing in mind you have chosen to send them to are an all boys boarding school?

My DD’s have noticed how unaware and therefore misogynistic the boys from all boys private schools are, even the lovely ones.

Have you or your husband discussed regularly or at all? Your answer is making me think not at all and you have left it to the school!

Having a school link with a girls school and the odd workshop on consent and Andrew Tate is never going to make up for the work need to combat sexism in society.
Do you not want them to be progressive men?

As someone who grew up very poor, neglected and now has a myriad of emotional and mental health issues, I don't always think that children being in the "home" environment is always the best choice.
I can see how boarding schools can sometimes be a healthier place to be, even down to the continuity of schooling. Having to start over, and over, and over at schools is disruptive to education and social skills. The boys sound like they have a sense of belonging.
Did you parent them any differently for the expectation of them boarding?
I live in an area that has some very well off, and mixed in are some who are v v poor- lots of huge victorian homes owned by well off families, next door are the same type of house turned into HMO's or multiple flats occupied by families. You can often tell the boarding school kids, even in the supermarket. They do seem to be more confident, and more responsible maybe? I've been beside them in the supermarket and heard them speaking more like responsible adults than similarly aged kids who are at home with parents.

Do they have somewhere they can go within the school that's quiet, and private? I wonder about the concept of them always being "on". I'd imagine that's a big struggle?

Whilst I can see the reasoning of sending them to boarding school, as a parent I kind of struggle with the idea of being away from them- but I accept that's probably a thought brought by my children being autistic- and I had no idea that the eldest was, I just thought that parenting was hyping them up for the day ahead, being around to support as needed (often!) Then the decompress of the day before bed, and counselling them through every interaction they'd have, or would be having.
Are there any autistic kids in your boys school? I assume there must be, I'd be v interested to know what support there is available to them.

My DDs BF (they're just about to turn 18) attended private as a day student, and thrived because of the pastoral care, he was also "protected" from many of the issues with drugs and knife crime by being in the private school environment. Whilst we live within a mile of each other, DD knows of 4 kids who have been stabbed through the school system, and quite a few with links to drugs. But her BF knows of 0.

I also appreciate I am thinking of a lot of things that are not the norm, like autistic kids, and socioeconomic issues that don't exist everywhere...

Do you work? How do you fill your day if you don’t work?

I could never be so passive about such a massive part of my children’s life. I agree with PP that your responses actually highlight your not 100% convinced you have made the right decision for your children- the whole thread rings very hollow especially the “grow use to it “ comment. The use of the word prestigious in the title is telling and the implication of anyone disagreeing is jealous because you are providing your children with the best education is a red herring. We could afford the fees £55k a year but no way would I choose to miss the years with our daughter. I love the chats on the drive home from
school, checking on her when she falls asleep still even though she is 10, giving her a cuddle if she had a bad day. I hope it works out for you and your boys but it is not a choice we would make for our family - our daughter comes with us on family adventures and is currently in a lovely’s school whilst my DH is in Belgium.

How often do you talk to your DDs about the pitfalls of making sweeping assumptions or stereotypes about people who are different to you? Your assertion that everyone who is at a boys school is unaware and everyone who is unaware is misogynistic makes me think not.

Knowing the odd boy from an all boys school is not going to make up for the work your DDs need to do to combat the laziness that comes with stereotyping any group of people just because it suits whatever the latest narrative at the moment. Have they not noticed this? Boys at a boys school are as individual and different as kids at any school. Just as I’m sure your DDs would not want to be lumped together with whoever the most troublesome group of girls are at your state school.

Have they not noticed how shallow it is to tar all boys as being misogynistic just because they had the odd workshop on consent and Andrew Tate? Do you even have any DSs? Have you and your husband not sat down and discussed this with them at all? It’s just a bit too easy to put down a group of people who are different to you or who made different choices. Do you not want to raise open minded DDs who see people as individuals and are able to think for themselves, get to know people and look for the good in them? Do you not want them to be independently minded women?

If not that’s fine, I can’t imagine any of the boys at the boys school want much to do with them anyway with attitudes like that. Maybe that’s whats behind their views, who am I to say. Many of them will go on to become lovely and successful men, husbands and fathers. Just as they would from any school. At least they know not to bother wasting their time on girls who can’t get over a difference in what school they went to, and will focus on building a happy life with those who can.

I have DDs and DSs who have been at a combination of mixed and ss schools. I am JUST as concerned in general about the narrow attitudes of girls towards the world as boys.

God this takes me back. The school opposite my comp was a very well known boarding school and we used to call them soggy biscuits 😜

Why mention prestigious?
Why put husband's career ahead of your kids?

Are you looking forward to spending your latter years alone when your boys put you into a prestigious nursing home, sell your house to pay for it and then visit one Sunday every half term?

I don’t know if OP will be back but I would also like to ask:

Has anyone ever asked if this is what YOU want? Kids in boarding school and following your husband around the world. Do you change your location abroad often?

I think an AMA about being in the military would be interesting. I’ve heard one side from my husband’s family (his uncle was a base commander), would be good to hear the other.

I mean we are all at risk of this to some degree, but this is a very good response 😄

Genuinely curious as to how/when you think this "teaching" will happen? The most amount of teaching we do with our children is through what they see us modelling to others and ourselves, implicit messaging through our actions and nvc, far more so than anything we say explicitly. Your boys are going to be picking the majority of that up from an institution, not a secure family base

Absolutely agree

Spot on

It's the cosplaying at being wealthy and privileged that jars. They are a military family! They aren't privileged. Yes of course lovely use the subsidy to pay fees but don't wang on about the lifestyle as if it's been personally achieved.

She's a military wife, a sahp trailing after her dh. 2 kids in one country being brought up by teachers one dc at home who may or may not have a family life in the future, that is undecided.

It's all a very cringeworthy brag with nothing to actually brag about.

How do they treat / talk about any girls' in the school? I know you said it's all boys but I know often the children of staff get a place regardless of sex, and I have heard some horror stories.

Long established, well known and well respected

Fantastically clever as your pun is, l’m really not in a lather about it. I just don’t think providing a “prestigious” education for your kids is a good use of public funds.

Shame you can’t understand that people can be simultaneously very upset about big things and slightly annoyed about smaller things. They’re not mutually exclusive.

“Your boys are going to be picking the majority of that up from an institution, not a secure family base”.

Absolutely spot on, and are they really going to be picking up “non-judgmental” attitudes at a “prestigious” private school? I highly doubt it.

Where am I bragged ? This your projection and insecurities I suspect - that belongs to you so handing it back.

you clearly don’t know much about this

Please enlighten me then, if I’m wrong. Happy to hear an explanation.

I hope people AREN’T jealous of other people - that is a miserable way to live

Do your children rub shoulders with any famous offspring?

@tummyduck
Is this honestly what you personally want for your children?
I ask, because I have no experience of boarding schools, so it seems alien to me, but sounds like its working for your family.
But is it what you wanted personally? 😇

We are blessed with only one DS (age 6) and the thought of him being in a school, away from home, is something I cannot fathom. But each to their own!

Your whole tone is show offy.

You are a military wife, a sahp. Using subsidies to fund their 'prestigious' education. Fine, your choice but again, it is cringeworthy to read. It's like you're channelling Hyacinth Bucket.

Try having a family life full time not just the odd weekend and school hols.