Page 35 | My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

tummyduck · 2025-08-07T12:25:07+00:00

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

Original poster

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:09

Emilysmum90 · 07/08/2025 14:57

Do you and DH expect them to get straight As as you spend so much on their education?

Will you be annoyed (even secretly) if they end up in respectable but average paid jobs, rather than on six figures?

Does it concern you that they are only really surrounded by other children from extremely wealthy backgrounds and may well think that's normal? Asking this last one as someone who spent her whole life in private school and thought my family were incredibly poor until I went to university. Where I quickly learned we were very rich, just not multi millionaires.

i dont expect them to get anything if I am honest. I just want them to do their best. They have an amazing education and they can use it do what they want with it! an artist, a writer, own a book shop, study animals, be a scientist!

OP posts:

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:11

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Original poster

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:12

Horsie · 08/08/2025 00:07

Are you worried about your sons ending up as massive arrogant knobs? I've had three family members who went to top boarding schools, including Eton and King's Canterbury, and let's just say, they really do think they're the dog's bollocks. And I've worked with others, too. I've found them petty, ultra-competitive, EXTREMELY shallow, and, yes, arrogant. I've also had a flatmate and a husband who went to those sorts of schools, and they both lived similarly. You could tell that they had been brought up in institutions. They lived in pigsties, basically. The flatmate went to school with Camilla's daughter in the Nineties. Said she was very quiet.

But there's no doubt that the education is wonderful and the people who went there do have a wonderful sheen of confidence. And you get dreadful types at state schools, too. Sadly though, in my experience the public school label as being absolutely full of themselves and boastful, including as adults, is well-earned.

I went to a top state school and got better grades than most people I know who went to these top schools, which is how I have studied, worked, and lived among them!

Edited

Honestly dont worry about that for second. If anyone spent 5 mins with my boys they would see they are respectful, modest, friendly and kind.

OP posts:

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:15

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 23:49

@asadsorrytale I can guarantee one thing though, I teach my children to be kind and non judgemental

Ok send them for a week’s holiday in my area. We get all types living here not just very rich people with easy lives . Your sons would be judgy right away. 👍

Trendyname · 08/08/2025 00:15

arcticpandas · 07/08/2025 14:04

Will you pay for their therapy when the emotional neglect give them mh problems? Yes, you are emotionally neglecting them by not being physically there for them on a daily basis. Even if your husband worked abroad for an extended time nothing stopped you from staying in England with your children. I would never ever leave my children just to be with my husband : they need me more than him. I do think you're selfish and lack empathy and I feel sorry for your children.

I didn’t go to boarding school and I still have to see a therapist. On the other hand, my good friend was in a boarding school because his father was in army and he is very well adjusted man with no mental health issues.

I know a few other people who went to boarding school ( including 2 cousins) and they are doing fine. While boarding school is not for everyone, it does not mean every person who went to boarding school has mental health issues.

Trendyname · 08/08/2025 00:16

arcticpandas · 07/08/2025 14:04

Will you pay for their therapy when the emotional neglect give them mh problems? Yes, you are emotionally neglecting them by not being physically there for them on a daily basis. Even if your husband worked abroad for an extended time nothing stopped you from staying in England with your children. I would never ever leave my children just to be with my husband : they need me more than him. I do think you're selfish and lack empathy and I feel sorry for your children.

I didn’t go to boarding school and I still have to see a therapist. On the other hand, my good friend was in a boarding school because his father was in army and he is very well adjusted man with no mental health issues.

I know a few other people ( including 2 cousins) who went to boarding school and they are doing fine. While boarding school is not for everyone, it does not mean every person who went to boarding school has mental health issues.

Original poster

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:17

Existentialistic · 08/08/2025 00:06

Why did you even feel the need to write this thread OP - seeking validation perhaps? Respectfully I don’t give a damn if your kids go to a posh public school and I have no questions - hope you’re enjoying paying the extra VAT.

why do people write threads on MN?

OP posts:

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:17

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Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:18

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:12

Honestly dont worry about that for second. If anyone spent 5 mins with my boys they would see they are respectful, modest, friendly and kind.

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They can spend 5 mins with the kids in my kids school. Bet they won’t though 👍

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:19

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Trendyname · 08/08/2025 00:20

Existentialistic · 08/08/2025 00:06

Why did you even feel the need to write this thread OP - seeking validation perhaps? Respectfully I don’t give a damn if your kids go to a posh public school and I have no questions - hope you’re enjoying paying the extra VAT.

Why are you so angry? Does those thread impact you in any way personally?

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:21

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/08/2025 22:22

................the punishing regime of weekends / exeats / holidays can mean you spend half your life thrashing up and down the motorway, or on trains, picking up and dropping off

Oh how awful for you.

I've got a solution, though.

Send your kids to the local state school.

Sorted.

Yes especially as she reckons they’re such humble people. 😂👍

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 08/08/2025 00:21

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 23:32

I am always fascinated about how other people do life. I actually don't seek to gain anything from this thread. I am a pretty open book and welcome any questions

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You say you welcome any questions but you haven’t answered my (perfectly civil) question about the ways in which your children are socially responsible and socially conscious - terms you used to describe them.

I would also be interested to know how you/the school discuss with them how to reconcile that with their materially privileged upbringing.

Trendyname · 08/08/2025 00:22

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Why are people so mean and jealous? AMA is made for threads like this. Did you say this to a woman with 8 kids who created AMA thread?

Trendyname · 08/08/2025 00:22

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Why are people so mean and jealous? She maybe rich. so what? AMA is made for threads like this. Did you say this to a woman with 8 kids who created AMA thread?

Original poster

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:23

Ketzele · 08/08/2025 00:00

Boarding school is a million miles from my experience and that of my children. I'm also pretty die-hard against private education. Yet I'm finding this thread, and the accusations being thrown at OP, pretty wild.

She IS parenting her dc and public school holidays are after all crazily long. She's probably with them almost as often as shes not - now, I still think teenagers need their mums but it clearly isn't fair to say she hardly ever sees them.

I have two questions, OP. First, what do you think it means to be humble and how do you teach it? Because IME privately educated people often know better than to bray loudly about oiks and behave as though they're in the Bullingdon club, but the underlying entitlement and superiority still remains. My teenage (state-educated) girls and their friends often talk about how the boys from the local posh schools try to get with them, because they see state school girls as 'easy' and also as a conduit to drugs.

My second question is about your job. It's interesting you describe yourself as a humanitarian, because IME this term is usually used by philanthropists rather than volunteers. Do you work with overseas aid charities, or another kind of organisation? Do you have a set of skills you offer in each country, or are you finding the best opportunities wherever you land? Is this work meaningful to you and to the host charity, given how much time you must spend going back to the UK? Is volunteering satisfying for you or has your career also been sacrificed to your dh's military service?

Thank you.

I think teaching someone to be humble means , being with people from different backgrounds, being open to other ways of living- teaching them they’re part of something bigger; helps dissolve the illusion that the world revolves around them. Being grateful and understanding the natural order of things - we live and we die, and we will hopefully be remembered by our good actions and words ?
that they are bloody lucky and to remember it

OP posts:

CherrieTomaties · 08/08/2025 00:28

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:17

why do people write threads on MN?

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Some people start threads for advice. Some for support. Some just want a lighthearted chat or a laugh.

Why did you start this thread?

Existentialistic · 08/08/2025 00:29

Trendyname · 08/08/2025 00:20

Why are you so angry? Does those thread impact you in any way personally?

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Not angry….just curious.

Original poster

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:29

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 08/08/2025 00:21

You say you welcome any questions but you haven’t answered my (perfectly civil) question about the ways in which your children are socially responsible and socially conscious - terms you used to describe them.

I would also be interested to know how you/the school discuss with them how to reconcile that with their materially privileged upbringing.

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we have lots of discussions at home about inequalities and robust conversations about social justice .. they are not afraid to debate ! They are more left than I am - and don’t i know it.
in school they do all sorts of community initiatives with other schools, charities , elderly people homes
history lessons this term have been mostly about the west african slave trade and the british empire .

OP posts:

Original poster

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:30

CherrieTomaties · 08/08/2025 00:28

Some people start threads for advice. Some for support. Some just want a lighthearted chat or a laugh.

Why did you start this thread?

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I love AMA - I find them fascinating

OP posts:

Widecombe79 · 08/08/2025 00:31

Why the determination to prove the school can't be prestigious if the children boarded from 11? OP said the were at prep from 11-13 then senior school.

Why the insistence that OP's fees are subsidised at 90%- she hasn't said so and that's not the arrangement for most military families. Continuity of Education Allowance pays a set amount which parents top up. Some schools are cheaper than others, some have special 'CEA+10%' capped fees for military children. The 10% contribution is the minimum parents must pay. For a major public school there's likely to be an annual £25-30k still to pay for each child.

Why are MNers so determined to separate families to preclude the need for boarding schools? You can glibly expect the mother to remain in UK when the military spouse is posted overseas but why is it better for the children to have absent fathers? Why should the younger children be denied contact with both parents because they can't live together? Is it good for children if parents' marriages break up? Boarding school terms mean the children are home for five months of the year. Being able to be fully home with both parents and then fully at school with educational stability and settled friendships may be just as good for a child's wellbeing, or even better.

I speak as a mother from a military family with two sons who have boarded for longer than OP's boys. When they are home they are the absolute priority and they appreciate our close and loving home life.

A good parent is still a good parent at distance, and there are plenty of terrible parents whose kids are home every night.

Original poster

tummyduck · 08/08/2025 00:31

Existentialistic · 08/08/2025 00:29

Not angry….just curious.

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Definitely strong anger vibes

OP posts:

Trendyname · 08/08/2025 00:32

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:21

Yes especially as she reckons they’re such humble people. 😂👍

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Op is doing what she and her husband think is good for their family. Like any mother she sees positive in her kids.

You first said she is showing off her wealth and wants a medal.
Now you are making fun of her calling her sons humble. It is pretty mean spirited as it’s all based on your imagination, you don’t know any of them.

If you have a problem with boarding school, start a campaign to get them closed in the country.

MumWifeOther · 08/08/2025 00:33

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 22:17

it is really interesting to see how some people have no concept of what it involves to have military personel abroad.

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You don’t need to neglect your kids so your husband can do his job though

Horsie · 08/08/2025 00:34

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 07/08/2025 14:08

What was the value of adding 'prestigious' to the thread title, and are you sadly disappointed that people aren't pressing you to know HOW prestigious?

Well, I know what she meant. There is enormous variety in private schools, and the top ones are indeed very prestigious. Those would be places like Stowe, Gordonstoun, Radley, Eton, Winchester, Rugby, Marlborough, Sherbone, Harrow, and I'm sure more that I can't think of right now. They are a far cry from a minor private school. Their facilities and teaching and opportunities are the very best that money can buy.

My husband's nephew went to Eton, and he was being bullied by another boy, who thought he could do anything he liked because Grandad owned the Ritz! 😂 Those are the kind of connections you don't get at cheaper, less prestigious schools. Many of us might not like it, but the top schools do have a lot of cachet, whether we recognize it or not.