AMA - Had a baby at 14, now in my late 20s with a teenage son

[CurvedTiger]

Not sure if anyone will be interested, but thought I’d do an AMA! I fell pregnant at 13, had my DS at 14, and now I’m in my late 20s with a teenager who eats me out of house and home. It’s been a wild ride, and I still feel like I’m playing catch-up with my life in some ways.

Happy to answer anything – whether it’s about being a teen mum, how I managed school/work, relationships, or just what it’s like having a teenager when most of my mates are only just having babies now. Fire away!

Does your son see his father? Did your elown family help a lot with the baby?

Have you ever regretted it?

What are your thoughts on marriage?

What are your thoughts on older mums who have children in their late 30s / 40s particularly in terms of energy levels and balancing work?

How did you feel when you found out that you were pregnant at such a young age?

Have you ever had any regrets or felt like you missed out on anything?

Did you live with your parents?

How did you manage school and childcare?

How far through school did you get?

What would you do/say if your son told you his girlfriend was pregnant today?

why ? i get different situations for different people, but still and yes back in olden pre victorian times the ages for having children was different.

Were you able to continue with your education?

OP, one of my favourite mums at dd2's school was 15 when she had her daughter. I was 45 when I adopted dd2!
The kids are now teenagers and still friends. It might disappoint many to learn that they are very similar in many ways, including behaviour, school attendance and behaviour.

I was 41 when I had my first child, my mum was 21 when she had hers, my gran 16. Different challenges for the parents, but I'm very unconvinced by people who claim to know what is 'fair' for the child.

How would she know?!

What was the pregnancy, labour and delivery like?

What age was the boy/man who impregnated you?

Do you think your parents safeguarded you?

If your son came home saying he had fathered a baby now, what would you say to him as a voice of experience?

It’s an AMA, why make it all about yourself?

Does your son see his father? Did your own family help a lot with the baby?
No, his dad disappeared when DS was about two, no contact since. My family helped practically (childcare so I could finish school, let me stay at home) but emotionally, not so much.

Have you ever regretted it?
Not him, never. But the situation? Yes. I missed out on a lot and sometimes feel like I’ve been playing catch-up my whole life.

What are your thoughts on marriage?
Not something I’ve ever been that fussed about. Wouldn’t say no if I met the right person, but it’s not a priority.

What are your thoughts on older mums who have children in their late 30s / 40s, particularly in terms of energy levels and balancing work?
Everyone’s different. Some older mums have more energy than I do! As long as the child is loved and cared for, that’s all that matters.

How did you feel when you found out that you were pregnant at such a young age? Have you ever had any regrets or felt like you missed out on anything?
Terrified. Had no clue what I was doing. And yes, I missed out on a lot uni, nights out, being young and carefree. But I wouldn’t change having DS.

Did you live with your parents? How did you manage school and childcare? How far through school did you get? What would you do/say if your son told you his girlfriend was pregnant today?
Yes, stayed at home. My mum helped a bit with childcare so I could finish school. Got some A-levels but didn’t go to uni. If DS told me that, I’d support him but make sure he knew exactly what he was getting into.

Why? I get different situations for different people, but still, and yes, back in olden pre-Victorian times the ages for having children were different.
Not sure what you’re asking? It wasn’t planned, obviously.

Were you able to continue with your education?
Yes, finished school and did A-levels, but had to work straight after, so no uni.

How far gone were you when you found out you were pregnant? Did you consider abortion, if this was possible?

And how do you feel that your parents could have supported you better emotionally?

As your child will be adult in the next few years - what do you plan for your next stage? All the best in whatever you like to do next.

What was the pregnancy, labour and delivery like?
Pregnancy was rough, constant sickness and just felt exhausted all the time. Labour was long and painful, ended up with a forceps delivery. Would not recommend at 14!

What age was the boy/man who impregnated you? Do you think your parents safeguarded you?
He was 16. Looking back, no, not really. They were strict in some ways but didn’t actually talk to me about anything important.

If your son came home saying he had fathered a baby now, what would you say to him as a voice of experience?
I’d tell him it’s going to be hard, harder than he can imagine, and he needs to step up. But I’d also support him because I know how isolating it can feel.

How far gone were you when you found out you were pregnant? Did you consider abortion, if this was possible? And how do you feel that your parents could have supported you better emotionally?
I was about 12 weeks. Abortion was mentioned but didn’t feel like an option at the time. Wish my parents had actually talked to me about how I was feeling rather than just treating it like a mistake I had to live with.

Did your parents advise abortion? Or did anyone else? ( counselling, teachers etc).

As your child will be an adult in the next few years – what do you plan for your next stage? All the best in whatever you like to do next.
Thank you. Honestly, no idea. Feel like I’ve spent so long just getting through each day that I’ve never really thought about what I want. Might look into studying or a career change.

Did your parents advise abortion? Or did anyone else? (counselling, teachers etc).
It was mentioned by a doctor, but my parents were very much “you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” Didn’t feel like a real option at the time.

Terrified. Had no clue what I was doing

I can imagine although I think every new parent feels like that regardless of age. I was 21 when I had my first and was clueless!

Did you have any more children?
Did it affect your friendships?

I’m sorry that you didn’t feel emotionally supported by your parents. That’s really sad. You sound really strong.

Im 38 with a 22 & 20 year old both moved out.

I can imagine although I think every new parent feels like that regardless of age. I was 21 when I had my first and was clueless!
Yeah, I think no one’s ever really ready for it, but being so young just made it all feel even more overwhelming.

Did you have any more children?
No, just DS. Always felt like I had enough on my plate, to be honest.

Did it affect your friendships?
Yeah, massively. Most of my friends drifted away, we were just in completely different worlds. I made some new ones later on, but it was lonely for a long time.

I’m sorry that you didn’t feel emotionally supported by your parents. That’s really sad. You sound really strong.
Thank you, that means a lot. Just had to get on with it, really.

Do you ever feel like you have trouble relating to people and maintaining friendships?

I felt like I was so often unavailable that it made it very hard for me to keep friendships, but in all fairness I’ve had very little family support and moved a few times, so it was mostly just me and DD.

Also: do you feel like doctors often dismissed your valid concerns about your child due to your age?

Would you like to have more children?